With All My Love
by Mis Chi Evous
Summary: Seventh year is starting up for Lily, James and the Marauders. With Voldemort rising to power, Lily and James have to learn to respect each other, Remus forgives, and Sirius learns the beauty of that forgiveness. Now complete.
1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

September 1st had finally arrived, and none too soon for Lily. The summer hadn't been in the least bit fun. She had, unfortunately, elected to spend July and August  with her sister, Petunia, to help her sort through the last of their mother's worldly possessions before they sent what was left to charity.

Friends had tried to convince her to let Petunia do it by herself, but Lily knew that Petunia had a bad case of sibling rivalry where Lily was concerned, and Lily wanted to make sure she received what she wanted from her mother's effects. On top of that, it seemed Petunia had found herself a boyfrien_d, _one Vernon Dursley.__

__

Finally, everything had got the best of Lily, and she had snapped, ridiculing her sister for putting her through so many weeks of torment. The resulting row had been spectacular, because Petunia had dropped all pretense of caring about what the neighbors thought, and had yelled right back. Vernon had been so unnerved by the whole fiasco that he had stayed upstairs in the room he had claimed for his own the entire time the sisters had been shouting at each other.

Lily shook her head firmly and checked her things one last time. She was certain she had everything. Her seventh year was to be an important one, she was sure, and she didn't want to leave anything behind that might compromise it being one of the most wonderful she had ever had. Her mother had wanted her to live life fully, and that was exactly what she intended to do. Live life fully as a witch, find a job in the magical community, and never have to see her sister again, unless it was her own personal choice.

Now, standing in her favorite place in the world, Platform 9 ¾ , she grinned. She was ready to begin her seventh year. She was ready for Hogwarts.

In her hands, she held the letter informing her of her Head Girl status. She hadn't really imagined that she'd get the position, but it was hers, and she intended to make the best of it. Being a prefect had been a lot of responsibility, and she knew Head Girl would be even more, but it convinced her that Dumbledore still had confidence in her, and she was determined to make sure she earned that confidence.

Of course, she was dying to know who made Head Boy, but the letter hadn't said anything about that. She assumed it would be Remus Lupin, the Gryffindor prefect from last year. They would work well together.

The Hogwarts Express's whistle sounded once again, and she took a deep breath, turning to her sister who was standing silently behind her with her arms crossed.

Kindness and an overwhelming sense of concern washed over Lily then. This might be the last time she saw her sister, if the rumors of a Dark Lord with a passion for hating Muggle-borns were true.

"Petunia, I…" her voice trailed off a little as her sister turned her sharp eyes on Lily. "I just wanted to say thanks, and, well… take care of yourself."

Petunia nodded, and then slowly opened her arms up. Lily took the two steps necessary and enveloped her sister with a hug. No matter what her prejudices were, Petunia was still her sister.

"Be careful, Lily."

"I will."

Quickly, she lifted her trunk up and grabbed her bags. Suddenly, someone was lifting the extra burdens from her shoulders. She turned, and stared, astonished, at Remus Lupin.

"Do you mind if I help you with these?" he asked in his reassuring, quiet voice.

Swallowing hard, as the young man's unrelenting stare was a little unnerving, Lily nodded. "Thank you, Remus."

The other Gryffindor prefect had always been more than polite to her, but as always, a little distant. He didn't let anyone get too close to him, except for James's friends. He had a way of looking at people that made it seem like he was drilling into their soul and taking them apart. There was one thing that most people could say with certainty about Remus Lupin. He was an excellent judge of character.

"How are you feeling?"

That question threw Lily for a moment, and she looked over at him quickly, as if trying to decide what he really meant.

"A little bit better, actually," she said, and sighed. "Going through Mum's things, that helped, you know? I told myself I was ready for her to go. It's been coming for such a long time, and realistically, we knew she couldn't last much past Christmas, but…"

"Losing someone is always hard," Remus said and took a step onto the train. "Would you like to sit with us? I imagine you could sit up in the prefect compartment, but…"

"They're all stuffy gits who are insufferable half the time," Lily finished and laughed at the look of surprise on Remus's face. "Oh, I think so too. Believe me. And they've made Nottham a prefect this year, as well. I don't think I can take a train ride to Hogwarts with him in the same compartment."

Remus nodded, and a slow smile crossed his face. "I think that's asking a bit much of anyone, really. Will you come sit with us? The blokes would be more than happy to have you."

By 'the blokes', he meant James, Sirius and Peter, she knew. Rarely did the four of them go anywhere without the other. They were each other's best friends, and really, brothers.

Last year, up until the very end, Lily had been convinced that James Potter would never change. He would always be the arrogant boy that showed off to receive attention from professors and classmates… and then, he'd cheered her up on a rainy day. Maybe there was hope for him yet.

"Well, I suppose I will. If I have your word of honor that nothing will be done to me on purpose whilst we're in the train."

Remus gave a look of mock hurt in her direction. "Whatever makes you think that you'd be in any danger in a car with us?"

Lily burst into laughter, and the sound of it echoed through the train. "I think that anyone in their right mind would be just a little bit suspicious to be invited to sit in a train with the infamous Marauders. Don't think I don't think you're not up to something."

Remus looked confused at the last sentence, but then shrugged. "You have my word, Lily. No pranking on the train. I swear it."

She nodded. "That's good enough for me."

With flair, he opened the door of the compartment for her, and she noted that Peter and Sirius were there, but James had not arrived yet. To catch their attention, Remus said, "Look who I've found!"

Sirius stood up immediately and his face broke into a grin. It was common knowledge in Gryffindor that he had run away and had spent all summer with the Potters. However, he still seemed his usual, exuberant self.

"Lily Evans! Love of my life! Apple of my eye! Who needs Hogwarts? Say you'll run away with me, Lily. I'll be the man you've been dreaming of!"

"Sirius Black!" Lily tossed back, and smiled, throwing the prankster off for just a minute. "I'd love to run away with you, darling, but I just don't think you can afford it."

Stunned, Sirius sat there for a moment before he burst into laughter. "I didn't think material possessions mattered all that much to you, Lilsipoo."

Lily winced and sat down with a sigh next to Peter. "Hello, Peter."

He looked startled that she would even talk to him and managed to whisper "Hi" before here looked away from her and out the window.

An awkward kind of silence settled over them then, like they were waiting for something… or someone. Lily found herself studying Remus and Sirius, who were sitting next to each other, but didn't look too happy about it. Something had definitely happened here. Normally they never stopped talking. Well, normally Sirius never stopped talking.

"Thanks for saving me a spot there, Mo…" The door to the compartment had opened, and in the doorway stood James Potter. Lily noticed that his hair was still mussy, but he'd somehow managed to grow again over the summer. He was taller and… oh yes, broader.

Being attracted on a physical level to James Potter was nothing new for Lily. She just wished that she could get used to it. A warm blush was spreading all over her face now, and she silently cursed her red hair for making it so obvious to everyone in the compartment.

"Hello James," she finally managed.

A smile, no, not just a smile, a grin, took over his entire face when she spoke to him. She had always admired the way he never smiled with just his mouth… when he smiled, even his eyes laughed along with him.

"Come in, you great prat, you're letting a draft in," Sirius said, and scooted over so that James could sit on their side.

"Hello to you too, Sirius," James said, and the greeting was accompanied by a swift punch to Sirius's left shoulder. "Hello, Lily," he said after a moment.

"What'd you do this summer, Remus?" Sirius asked.

"_You_ know what I did all summer, Sirius, you daft prat," Remus said casually. "Just because Lily's in the car with us doesn't mean we can't carry on as usual. In fact, she's here for a reason."

James looked up sharply and caught Remus's eye. Slowly, though, he began to relax. "I suppose we could use a witch of her considerable talent."

"Thank you," Lily interjected, "but I would like to know what I'm helping you with before I agree to lend you my services."

The boys all looked at each other and again, a silence settled in the car. "Oh, Merlin. You didn't expect me not to ask, did you?"

"We were kind of hoping you wouldn't," Sirius admitted, "but that didn't seem very likely."

"She's the only one in the school who could possibly fix the problem," Remus said. "I'm good, but I'm nowhere near as good as Lily is."

"I don't have an opinion," Peter said, his mouth still close to the window he'd been looking out of for the entire time.

"We know," James, Sirius and Remus said at the same time. Lily couldn't help but laugh.

With a jerk and a hiss, the Hogwarts Express took off from the station.

"Finally," Lily said on a breath. "I wonder what was taking so long."

"They were searching the train," James said casually. "Things have got really bad this summer, Lily."

Her eyes met his and something passed between them that neither one understood.

"How bad? What do you mean? I mean, I tried to read the paper this summer, but what with the packing and dealing with Petunia and everything else that was going on… I just didn't get the chance to really understand, I guess."

"Lord Voldemort's been on a killing streak for the past few weeks. He's gone after some Muggle families, and notoriously Muggle-friendly ones, too. The Prewitts are gone."

"Oh, no," Lily moaned. "How… how awful."

"Yeah."

James bent his head, and when it came up again, he had a sort of forced smile on his face. "How was your summer, Lily?"

"I spent the entire summer trying to keep my sister from stealing all of my mother's things out from underneath of my nose!" Lily announced, and Sirius and Remus sat up a little straighter.

"This sounds like a good story," James said.

"Oh, it is," Lily quickly became animated as she shared stories of Petunia's not-so-intelligent attempts at taking some of their mother's more valuable things. Pretty soon, she had all of the boys rolling around laughing.

"A vase? Under her _shirt?_" Peter shrieked with laughter.

"I can't, I can't… I just can't believe it!" Remus struggled hard to breath.

"Then she had the nerve to tell me she was _pregnant,_ of all things!" Lily's voice was hard to understand through her laughter, but the boys got it, and laughed even harder.

After a while, James stopped listening to the story and began to listen to the sounds of the train. Something wasn't right.

"Hold it," James announced suddenly, and his tone was humourless that everyone stopped immediately. "There's something not right here. Do you hear it?"

Sirius got a peculiar look on his face, and Lily could have sworn she saw his ears prick up. Remus drew his eyebrows together and Peter sat perfectly still.

"It's a whine," Lily muttered. "I've never heard that before. It doesn't sound good."

"No," James muttered grimly. "No, it doesn't."

Author's Note:

I swear, my Remus does not a) have a moustache, and b) does not invoke suspicions that he might be a child molester. He is a creep-free Remus!!

Special thanks go to Anne, who is, as usual, the most awesome beta in all the land. No joke. Also, she really cares about making sure my stuff isn't terrible and run rampant with plot holes. I appreciate that.

Also, I want to thank Carissa and the people at Timeturner.net for inspiring this novel. I'll finish it, just for y'all. ;)  


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

The whining sound, it turned out, was the least of their problems. Remus, for some reason, was having the hardest time dealing with it, pressing his hands over his ears and sinking low into the seat, as though he was trying to find a way to avoid it.

"We should move," James said, standing up quickly. "We need to find out if this is just happening in our compartment, or if it's audible all over the train."

Sirius agreed quickly, and Peter stood as he did. Lily, however, was concerned. "I don't know if Remus will be able to move."

Looking up from where he'd slid, Remus winced as he took his hands over his ears. "Just go stop it. Please."

James nodded. "It'll be all right soon enough, mate. Sirius, Peter, you head down to the end of the train. Ev – er, Lily and I will head towards the front and the prefects' car, all right?"

"Sounds good to me, James. Come on, Peter, let's go." Sirius immediately pushed the car door open and headed out, but not before he sent a wink James's direction.

"James, you can't be in the prefects' car," Lily protested, as she followed James out of the compartment, anyway. "That's only for the prefects and…"

"The Head Boy and Girl. Yes, I'm well aware of the rules," James shot back, as he started to pick up the pace. "I don't know about you, but this sound is making me nervous… edgy, almost."

"It's not even a mechanical-sounding whine," Lily said. "I mean, it doesn't sound like the motor's breaking down or anything."

"The Hogwarts Express doesn't use a motor," James informed her, as they opened up the door to the prefects' car.

"James! Lily!" A boy in his fifth year stood up quickly. "We've been wondering if we shouldn't go and find you. That noise is getting louder by the second."

James nodded. "We thought it might have been just in our car, so we came down here to see if you blokes were hearing it too."

"We're hearing it, all right," Miranda Blake, a fellow seventh year from Ravenclaw said. "It's driving me absolutely crazy."

"Maybe we ought to go up to the first car, whatever they call that," Lily suggested, "and see if there's something we can do."

"Right then," James agreed. "We'll see you lot when we get back."

"James?" Lily asked, as a thought occurred to her. "Why… I mean… who's Head Boy this year?"

James raised his eyebrows and then searched her face with his eyes, as though he couldn't believe she was asking the question. "You mean it wasn't in your letter?"

"No, it wasn't," Lily snapped. "If it was, I wouldn't be asking, would I?"

James let out a startled laugh. "And here I'd thought you had mellowed," he marveled to himself.

"Well?"

"I'm Head Boy, Lily."

She couldn't help herself. Logically, she'd understood that was the case when they'd both entered the prefects' car, but that didn't mean she'd really grasped the whole of the situation until just then. She cursed.

"What did you just say?" James asked, a little shocked.

Graciously, Lily repeated the word for him, and then moved around him to open the door of the engineer's compartment.

A grump-looking older man turned around in his seat and looked at them through thick, black-rimmed glasses. "What do you want?"

"We wanted to find out about the noise that everyone's hearing," James said instantly, not giving Lily a chance to talk. "Is there a problem with the train?"

Suddenly, the train began to rock and came to a grinding, jarring stop. "I would say there is now," the engineer said a little breathlessly. "Dumbledore. I need to call Dumbledore."

"What do you think it is?" Lily asked, following on the engineer's heels as he walked to another part of the compartment.

"I think we're under attack, that's what I think. The only way this train could be making that particular sound was if someone was trying to get past the wards – and got pretty bloody close to doing so."

"Is there anything we can do?" James asked.

"We need a way to make sure whoever's doing this stays back – way back," the engineer said instantly. "Leastwise until Dumbledore can get here."

"Like a temporary Warding Charm?" Lily said.

"That would be perfect, but there's no one on board here that can do that, surely…" the engineer began, but didn't get to finish, as James and Lily were already headed out the door.

"I can cast it," Lily began, "but I've got to get outside the train so I can hit it all, and we'd better do it fast. The way this train is moving, our attackers are getting closer."

"I know a way to get to the outside of the train," James said.

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"Because I'm brilliant, that's why. Come on!"

James led her past several compartments until he came to a red ladder. Lily had never really cared for heights, or ladders, but she didn't have a lot of choice in the matter.

"Up here?" she asked tentatively, just to be on the safe side.

"Yes, up here. I'll be behind you all the way, Lily, I promise. If you fall, you'll take me down with you."

On an unexpected laugh, Lily climbed up the ladder and began her mantra of "it's not so bad" to get herself through it. When she reached the top of the ladder, she found there was a door.

"Turn the handle counterclockwise and push _down_," James instructed from behind her. "Be careful to turn it the right way, though. If you turn it clockwise, you get hit with a nasty curse in very private areas."

"I'm not even going to ask," Lily muttered, and followed James's instructions to the letter. She was immediately greeted by very strong winds. "James!"

"Pull yourself up there and sit down," James said, "and then cast a Sticking Charm on the soles of your feet. You won't be going anywhere."

Lily nodded. "Okay. That sounds easy enough."

James laughed at her, but it wasn't a mean sort of laugh. "Yes, it's pretty easy."

"Be quiet," Lily shouted down to him as she focused on getting herself onto the ledge of the train without falling. "I don't go around trying to kill myself every two weeks or so, so this is a new experience for me. Unlike you."

"Why, Lily, I'm honored that you noticed."

Lily let out an exasperated sigh. "You're insufferable. You know that, right?"

James shrugged. "I've been told so a time or two. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Lily said determinedly.

"Right then. Stand up and get out of the way so that I can get up there with you."

"James!" Lily hissed again. "I can see them."

"Who?"

"_Them._ Our attackers, you know?"

"Oh… Well, I'm kind of concentrating really hard at the moment. I'm also fairly sure the wards will hold for another few minutes. Dumbledore's really brilliant at this sort of thing."

"Will the wards block the Killing Curse?" Lily asked.

"No, but if it comes to that, we'll work something out. You need to cast the Charm so that nobody gets hurt, all right? Don't think about anything else other than that."

Lily nodded. "Right. I can do that."

With the ease born of a lifetime of Quidditch, James pushed himself up and was soon standing on top of the train next to Lily. "Let's get to business, then."

"All right. Can you cast the Shield Charm?" At James's nod, Lily continued, "Good. Then you'd better cast it around both of us. I'm going to be very vulnerable to attack whilst I'm casting the Ward."

"I'm not sure I like the sound of this," James began.

"Too late now. I've made my decision. Besides, it won't take me that long." Lily turned and smiled at James, and he knew he was done for.

Without another word, Lily moved over close to him, and James cast the first Shield Charm.

It took a moment for Lily to get her bearings and concentrate standing next to James, but she soon found it was more of a help than a hindrance. Around him she felt safer than she did most other places outside Hogwarts. After all, he was a brilliant student, and even better yet, he could apply what he learned in the classroom outside of it.

Meanwhile, James kept scanning his surroundings, noting with some degree of panic that the numbers of cloaked figures surrounding the train were growing every minute. _Come on, Lily…_ he thought, as he struggled to maintain his concentration on the shield.

"_Impedetra!"_ Lily shouted, and the train was rocked with a different kind of light. A yellow flower enveloped its entirety.

Immediately, the cloaked figures started swarming to a central location. They all looked up at the two figures standing on top of the train.

"Let's go, Lily. They've spotted us, and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up."

Lily looked up, a little shocked at the results of her effort. "I didn't know I could… I mean, I knew I could…"

"Lily!" James shouted. "Let's go. Pretty soon they're going to be taking shots at us individually. I don't care if you've got the best damn wards in all of Britannia! That makes me bloody nervous!"

As the first curse hit the wards, Lily panicked too. "It's makes me nervous, as well. Let's go!"

Quicker than she ever thought she would be able to move, Lily scrambled down the ladder ahead of James, who was right on her heels. Once they were safely halfway down the ladder, James shut the door to the outside of the train with a _bang._

At the bottom, Lily collapsed against one of the walls, shivery and cold now that it was all over.

"Hey, Lily!" James sat down next to her, took off his glasses and wiped them on his sweater. It was an endearingly habitual movement of his. "You did it! You really did it! That was… that was amazing!"

A shaky chuckle escaped her lips. "I did, didn't I? Let's just hope it works until Dumbledore and some of the other staff get here."

Jerkily, the train started motion again. Lily held on to the wall for a moment, and then laughed at her own jumpiness.

"Let's go find the rest of the blokes and check in with the other prefects," James suggested, pushing himself off the wall and then offering her a hand up. "The worst of it's over. We've just got to deal with the aftermath now."

"Right," Lily agreed, and despite of herself, accepted James's hand up. "I think the first order of business will be damage control on Sirius and Peter. After we check up on Remus, which I guess doesn't make the whole Sirius and Peter thing the first order of business, after all."

James laughed. "I think Remus will be fine now that the high-pitched noise has stopped. He's sensitive to things like that."

Lily raised her eyebrows and shrugged. "We'd best start looking in with the first years. If I know Sirius, after the danger is gone, he's going to go start terrifying them with other things."

"Like what?" James asked, halfway insulted, but even more interested.

"Like… like last year, when he convinced them that the Sorting Ceremony was having to fit six marshmallows in your mouth while riding a dragon. Honestly! And he's just genuine enough to convince them of it, too," Lily said, trying to hide her amusement, but not quite succeeding.

"That was _funny,_" James protested, and began to laugh. "The looks on their faces, Lily! Come on. Don't tell me you didn't think that was priceless."

"Well, it was funny," Lily admitted reluctantly. "Let's go."

Finding Sirius and Peter was, surprisingly enough, relatively easy. They were back in the car they had started in.

"What are you doing here?" James asked suspiciously. "I thought you would be elsewhere…"

"Like where?" Sirius asked, grinning from ear to ear. "I've got all year to make sure Alicia Denog's chest is still as large as ever."

James rolled his eyes heavenward and Lily blushed.

"Actually," Remus said, rubbing his forehead, "we were told to stay here."

"By who?" James asked.

"By me," said Professor Dumbledore from behind them. "I see that perhaps this working relationship won't be as painful for everyone involved as I had previously anticipated."

Sirius let out a hoot of laughter, Remus smiled shyly, and James chuckled.

It was then that Lily Evans realized that maybe she didn't dislike James Potter as much as she had thought.

Thanks everyone, for your reviews and kind words! I hope you continue to read the story. It's turning out rather well, if I do say so myself.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

There was definitely tension in the air. Lily could feel it, even though she was sitting across the table from Sirius and next to Remus at the Sorting Feast. They had avoided direction conversation with each other all night, and that didn't sit well with her. There were few things one could count on at Hogwarts, and the friendship between Sirius and Remus was one of them.

The entire meal passed almost awkwardly as the rest of the Marauders tried to compensate for the obvious tension in two of their members. Sirius spent most of his time chatting with James, while occasionally granting Peter some of his attention. Lily turned her focus on Remus, and they had a quiet conversation about classes.

Leading the first-years to the Gryffindor common room was always one of her favorite tasks, even though this year she had to share the enjoyable duty with James Potter.

"The password this year is 'Hinkypunk rock'," James informed everyone and smiled broadly as the Fat Lady swung open with a "Nice to see you James, Lily. Isn't this a lovely crop of first-years?"

After pointing out where the boys' and girls' dormitories were, and soothing the few first-years who were just beginning to feel the first onslaught of homesickness, Lily collapsed in her favorite squashy armchair, watching the first-years run about the common room and all over the tower.

"Long day, eh?" James asked, sitting down on the hearthrug across from her.

"You're telling me," Lily said, and stretched out her legs. "The day's not even done, you know. We have to have our beginning-of-the-year meeting with Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and the rest of the prefects, but first we have a private meeting in Professor Dumbledore's office."

James raised his eyebrows. "Have to have? That doesn't sound quite like you, Lily. Wouldn't you normally be excited about something like that?"

"Yes, I would," Lily confessed, "but I'm just too tired at the moment to want to do anything either than sleep."

"Casting that spell really took it out of you, didn't it?"

"Yes, well, it's not an easy spell to cast and…" Her words were lost in a wide yawn. "I'm afraid I just don't have any energy left. I stuffed myself at the feast, too, which didn't help."

"Ah, so food-induced sleepiness and spell-casting induced-tiredness, right?"

"Yes, that's exactly right."

A roguish grin crossed James's face. "Well, if it looks like you might be starting to sleep, I'll just give you a shock with a Zap Jinx."

Lily laughed aloud and pushed herself out of the armchair. "Thanks, James, that's very sweet of you."

"Just trying to play the noble gentleman. I hear the ladies like that," he teased, and winked at her.

"To a certain degree," Lily said, drawing the words out in a way that she knew would spark James's interest.

"Oh?" Distracted, he pushed open the portrait almost carelessly.

"Yes. That certain degree stopping just before casting Zap Jinxes to keep us awake during meetings we don't particularly want to attend, anyway."

"Lily Evans, you are just full of surprises."

Chuckling, Lily nodded. "Thank you, I guess."

"Let's go and get this over with, eh? I don't suppose we can speed up the meeting with Du—excuse me, Professor Dumbledore, but we can surely move the prefects' meeting along at a fairly fast pace, right?"

"We can, as long as we don't allow certain people to talk," Lily said thoughtfully. "Remus and I used to team up together. He has a great deal of subtlety…"

"Well, I don't have any deal of subtlety, so I'll just be direct, and you can be subtle," James teased, but then realized that Lily wasn't laughing. "What's wrong?"

"You're going to have to learn to be more subtle, James. There's a lot of competition and politics among the prefects. They all think they're hotshots, or they've got something to prove, or they haven't grasped the reality of the responsibilities thrust in their hands yet. We're going to have to be subtle. Together."

"You don't ask for much, do you?" James asked with a sigh. "Just a complete change of character, that's all you want."

This time, Lily did laugh. "Nothing so drastic as that. Just – be considerate, all right?"

Feeling a range of emotions that were familiar -- he experienced them every time he dealt with Lily Evans -- but always infuriating, James struggled to keep his comments on Lily's assumptions about him to himself. He was considerate, dammit. Did an inconsiderate bloke save the life of his archrival? No. He most certainly did not.

His father had had a lot to say about self-control and self-examination following the events that had taken place during last year, but then, he had also had a lot to say about James growing up.

Suddenly, he realized with full force that this was to be his last year at Hogwarts. He would never again return here as a student after the exams at the end of the year. This was, in effect, his last year to make things right.

"James? Are you all right? You're being very quiet over there," Lily commented as they turned down the last corridor to get to Professor Dumbledore's office.

"It's not really anything," James said, forcing those sorts of thoughts out of his head. He didn't want to be thinking about anything unpleasant before he entered the headmaster's office. It was bad luck, and James, being a prankster, was a firm believer in luck. 

The gargoyle at the entrance waited patiently for the password until Lily supplied him with "Cherry Mash".

"What's a Cherry Mash?" James asked as they walked up the stairs.

"It's a sort of Muggle sweet. I don't really care for them." Lily shrugged. "It's chocolate and cherry – I don't really like the cherry flavor they use. It's not my cup of tea."

Professor Dumbledore had apparently heard them coming, because he opened the door and said, "Well, to each his own, Miss Evans. I'm not that fond of them myself, but every once in a while I'll remind myself why I only eat them every now and again."

Lily blushed. "Hello, Professor."

"Come in, come in. Have a seat. This won't take very long, I'm quite certain," Professor Dumbledore said with a very direct look at James.

James felt a shudder run up and down his back. The amount of information the man knew without any way of _knowing_ was scary, especially to him, who specialized in finding information.

"Thanks, Professor," he said, and tried not to let Professor Dumbledore see his reaction. Dumbledore seemed like he was trying to tell him something. What was it?

"You're quite welcome, Mr. Potter. I have a feeling both you and Miss Evans are quite tired from today's events?"

"Yes, Professor," Lily said quickly. "It took quite a lot of me – out of us, I mean," she finished, and blushed.

Unable to really relax in Dumbledore's office like he had before last year's events, James rested his ankle on his knee and leaned forward.

"Lily was brilliant," he said quickly. "I just helped her get to where she needed to be to cast the spell."

"I took a look at the charm myself, you know, Miss Evans," Dumbledore said conversationally. "It was done quite well. Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters would have been hard pressed to get through that tight a spell."

"Thank you, Professor."

Absently, James noticed that Lily didn't just blush. She turned so red he imagined she blushed all the way to her toes.

"Combining that Shield Charm with the Ward was also well done," Dumbledore said, turning to face James. "Very powerful magic."

It was James's turn to blush. "Thank you, Professor."

"I confess, I had my doubts about you two when I finally decided on Head Boy and Head Girl for this year, but I was convinced at the time that each of you held qualities I considered essential to Hogwarts in the struggle that is about to take place. In fact, I fear it has yet to begin."

"Lord Voldemort, you mean?" James asked, feeling very thick.

"Yes," Dumbledore said, in a way that didn't make James feel stupid at all. "It's more than that, really. People have harbored these anti-Muggle-born feelings for quite some time now… In fact, since the beginning of Hogwarts. We can never really say for certain the truth of why Salazar Slytherin decided to leave Hogwarts, but we have a very good idea it was over the acceptance of Muggle-born students. Prejudice has a way of splitting good things like that, and worse, it's contagious. I fear for the wizarding world," he added, becoming contemplative. "I fear for the strength of the witches and wizards who can't and won't stomach this. I fear for the strength of those who will have no choice…"

"But sir, you can't possibly believe that he'll become that powerful, can you?" James asked, true dismay evident in his voice. "Surely the Aurors will be able to stop him…"

"The Aurors are not, and never have been, all-powerful, James," Dumbledore said firmly. "There are some threats neitherthey, nor I, can anticipate. We had all thought Lord Voldemort gone for a very long time."

James nodded. He had long ago accepted that not everything was fair in the world, but a deep sense of fear and caution was setting in now. Before, it had been the short-term threat that seemed the most dangerous. Now, it was the long-term, the future, that worried James.

"I don't believe in teaching politics in my school," Professor Dumbledore continued, "but I do believe in enforcing common sense. The rules will have to be strongly enforced this year, Miss Evans, in particular the curfew rules and Hogsmeade safety regulations. This is not a time to become careless.

"I need to have the utmost faith in you two, as a team, during this time. I have to rely on you to follow directions from professors, or in their or my absence, I have to be able to count on you to be able to give competent directions to the student body.

"You both are extraordinarily talented. This year, let's put it to some good use, eh?"As he said this, he looked directly at James, and gave him a wink.

With that, Dumbledore rose and left the office, leaving Lily and James to stare at each other for a moment.

"So, in other words, get along with each other, just for this year, so that we can keep Hogwarts safe, right?" James asked.

"I think that's what he's saying," Lily agreed, and rose. "We'll have time to discuss that later. Now we have to attend a prefects' meeting."

James groaned. "Do we have to?"

A chuckle escaped Lily. "Yes, we have to. It's part of this whole 'responsibility' thing that Dumbledore thinks we ought to have."

James shook his head and dragged his feet as though he were attending an execution instead of a meeting.

"Really, James, they aren't that bad. I swear."

"Care to wager on that?" James asked, brightening a little. "I say that it will be so boring I will nearly fall asleep."

"And _I_ say that you're just hearing things from Remus that are greatly exaggerated, and you might enjoy dictating to a bunch of your peers."

"What's at stake, then?"

"Does something have to be at stake?"

James looked confused. "Yes. Otherwise, it's not a wager."

"All right then. If I win, you have to tell me why Sirius and Remus aren't getting along."

"They're getting along," James protested, albeit weakly.

"They are not," Lily disagreed. "They've hardly said a word to each other. I can't be in the same room with just the two of them. You could cut the tension with a knife."

"Maybe wagering wasn't such a good idea," James said suddenly. "We'd best call it off."

"Why? Are you frightened?" Lily seemed shocked at the mere possibility.

"I can't put that at stake," James said firmly. "I would have to break promises. It's a matter of honor."

Slightly taken aback, Lily nodded. There were a lot of things the Marauders were willing to sacrifice in the name of a good prank. Honor wasn't one of them. "All right then. We won't wager."

But as she headed for the meeting, she couldn't help but wonder what it was that none of the Marauders was willing to talk about that had changed their relationship so drastically.

If she thought about it, she supposed that they had started to act abnormally a while back, at the end of last year. She just hadn't paid a lot of attention to it because she was preoccupied with her mother's death.

"James, I…" Having started the sentence, she didn't know what to finish with.

"What?" James asked, not unkindly.

Lily took a deep breath. They were at the entrance to the library. "I wish you luck."

Grinning, James reached for the doorknob. "Thanks. I have a feeling I'm going to need it."

--

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review the last two chapters. My thanks and gratitude goes out to all of you.

Also, Anne, you're the greatest thing since sliced cheese. May you live forever in fandom memory as one of the greatest betas alive.

Thanks, KC, for putting up with me. I know it can't be easy. Honestly, our working relationship is one of the most fulfilling I've had in the fandom.


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

James was annoyed. Very, very annoyed. Remus had told him before that prefect meetings were boring, generally useless, and time-consuming. He had been correct.

After sitting in the same chair for an hour and a half listening to the rest of the prefects go on and on about rules that were perfectly clear to him, as one had to know all about the rules to go about breaking them correctly, he was ready to go to his dormitory. For once, James Potter was ready to retire well before curfew.

A soft kick under the table from Lily let him know that he was looking half-asleep. Glaring, he sat up straighter and paid attention, once again, to what was being said.

"I think we need to go over magic in the corridors again, Professor McGonagall," a sixth-year prefect from Ravenclaw said. "I'm not entirely sure all of our members know exactly what it entails. Particularly those notorious for breaking that rule." As she said this, she looked up significantly at James.

Davis Hambuf, the Slytherin prefect in their own year, leaned back in his chair and glared smugly at James. "There _are_ those among us with a certain reputation for… shall we say, disregarding the rules?"

James narrowed his eyes, about to rebuke him, when Lily spoke up.

"That will be quite enough from you," she said firmly. "Head Boy appointment is made directly by Professor Dumbledore, who had the good sense to leave here a half hour ago. If you would like to take the matter up with him, be my guest. However, do not waste our time on pointless, entirely trivial matters when we have other things to discuss."

"Excuse me," Davis said, and lowered his eyes, trying to hide the sarcastic gleam they held.

"You are excused," Lily said, and then added, "from the meeting. In fact, we all are. James and I are both too tired to keep going. You know the rules, ladies and gentlemen, and I have complete faith that you can keep it all together until our meeting next week."

"Congratulations, Potter," Davis said, after most of the other prefects had left the room. "I hope you enjoy your status. While it lasts."

"Hambuf," James said, drawing the name out on his tongue like a dirty word. "I intend to enjoy my status for the entire year. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

"Not for long. Those who keep ill company will be punished soon enough."

"Make your threats someplace else, Hambuf. You bore me."

Ignoring the tone of James's voice, Davis leaned even closer. "It won't be long now. Muggle-borns and Mudblood-lovers will pay for their treason."

"And what, exactly, have I committed treason against?" With that, James rose and leaned even closer to Hambuf. "I have no intention of letting this conversation go unnoted, Hambuf. I dare you to make one wrong move in front of me. I have no tolerance for those who show no tolerance to others. Now get out of my sight before I do something we'd both regret."

Davis turned and left the room quickly, muttering under his breath about Gryffindors and Muggle-borns. Silently, James turned his gaze to Lily. What Dumbledore had said was right. It wouldn't be long now. Voldemort was rising to power, and evidently gaining supporters. They were on the verge of something here that seemed entirely too big at the moment, and people like Lily would be the first to suffer.

Feeling the strain of his gaze, Lily looked up from her notes. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"No," James said and drummed his fingers on the table, never once blinking.

"James, it's really scary to have you looking at me like that, okay? Stop it, please."

Quickly, James stood up and crossed the room to stand next to her. "I'm sorry. It's just… you seem different this year."

"Well," Lily managed, "so do you. Changes happen over a period of time. You of all people should know that."

Feeling useless and tired, uncertain of what to do or say, James wordlessly opened the door for Lily so they could both exit the room.

For a time, they walked in silence, each lost in his own thoughts. Lily noted the way that James would do the politest things without thinking about it, like opening doors and letting her go first up the stairs. It was strangely endearing. If she wasn't careful, she might actually start to like the boy, and then where would she be?

Meanwhile, James contemplated the way that Lily took in everything, like she couldn't believe she was really at Hogwarts. She whispered greetings to the portraits who recognized her, and sometimes, if she happened to be thinking really hard, her lips would move with her thoughts.

"James, I – I wanted to tell you that I think we're going to be all right this year." At the look on James's face, she rushed on to complete her thought. "I mean, I had my doubts. I wasn't entirely certain why Dumbledore would pick you, but I think I know now, after the incident on the train, and I also think we're going to work well together."

"Oh?" James sounded a little more interested than Lily felt was warranted, so she rushed on ahead.

"I mean, you and your friends are always breaking the rules, and such, but I know now that you're really quite good at magic, and I'm sorry for thinking ill of you."

James stuffed his hands in his pockets and they strolled in an awkward silence for a time, until he decided to speak. "You were right about a lot of those things, you know. I was a prat… I mean, I still am a prat from time to time, but most boys are. I just went over my limit, sometimes. You're a really talented witch, too, but everyone knows that so you really don't need me to tell you, do you?"

Lily chuckled a little, and the strained silence remained until they reached the portrait hole.

"Well, I guess this is where we part ways," Lily muttered, somehow reluctant to leave James's presence, and even more reluctant to consider why.

"Mm." James nodded, and stood facing her for a moment, his hands still in his pockets. "I really don't go 'round trying to kill myself all that often, you know."

Surprised, Lily let out a laugh that seemed a bit too loud to even her ears, and all the eyes in the common room turned to look at her.

"Well, it would certainly seem so to an outsider," she whispered, and blushed.

"You're not really an outsider, Lily."

The compassion in his eyes was nearly her undoing, but she grabbed hold of her emotions with the ironclad grip she had learned in the aftermath of her mother's death.

"Sometimes it feels that way." Frustrated with her inability to make her voice register any louder than a whisper, Lily turned away from him and looked out the window. It was so dark she could hardly see anything, which made her feel even more foolish than she already did.

"Sit with me tomorrow at breakfast." It wasn't a question -- it was a demand, and from the look on Lily's face, James was afraid he'd said something wrong.

"Don't be a prat, James," she shot back without much venom.

James sighed. "All right. I won't. So, are you going to sit with us tomorrow?"

Unable to help herself, Lily laughed. "I suppose that's a little bit better. I might."

"We'd love to have you. Remus always complains there isn't enough intellect in the conversation we have in the morning. Or anytime, really."

Laughing together, James and Lily seemed pulled physically closer by some magnetism unknown to them, and they were powerless to stop it.

"Well, I'll um, see you in the morning then," Lily said finally as she broke her eyes free of his gaze and deliberately took a step away from him.

"Yes," James said quickly. "At the breakfast table, right?"

"You're insufferable."

"You've told me that once or twice," James retorted, and then laughed at the look on her face.

"Well, I do hate to repeat myself. Good night, James."

"Good night, Lily." 

She walked away, and though James had told himself very firmly over the last few hours that he was not going to do anything particularly prat-like, he couldn't stop himself from checking out her derriere.

"Nice view from here," Sirius Black said, appearing, as was his habit, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Sirius," Remus reproached mildly, without bothering to look at the target of his quiet sarcasm, "some women actually would enjoy a moment of their lives when they aren't being ogled by the male part of the species."

"And they can enjoy that time," Sirius responded in a more intense manner than usual, "away from me."

"Actually," Peter spoke up, and all three sets of eyes swiveled to him, "I think Lily Evans wouldn't mind being appreciated every now and again."

Shock reigned over James, Remus and Sirius for a moment. Unfortunately, that moment was ruined when Sirius opened his mouth. "I'm _appreciating_ her, all right!"

"Sirius, old friend," James started quietly, "I would not continue along that vein of thought if I were you."

Shrugging, Sirius nodded. "Of course, if it means that much to you."

Remus stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I agree with Peter."

James looked carefully at one of his oldest friends. Remus was tired, feeling ill in anticipation of the new moon, and irritable, but there was something different in his voice… "Why would you say that, Remus?"

"I just think that people look too closely at the surface when they look at Lily. I did, anyway."

"Did? That's past tense," Sirius teased.

"Hey, everyone!" James announced to the entire common room, "Sirius has just passed nursery school! He now knows tenses!"

Obligingly, all the older students in the room gave Sirius a standing ovation. Like a trooper, he bowed and accepted their congratulations.

"You're a prat," he said conversationally to James as he found a place to sit near the window.

"Why, thank you," James said, taking it in the fashion it was meant – as a compliment.

"I've got a serious question to ask," Sirius said and leaned forward, forgetting intentionally the pun he'd slipped in inadvertently.

"Serious?" Remus's voice was draped with unnatural sarcasm, making Peter wince visibly, and causing James to blink.

"Yes, that's what I said. Serious. I am capable of being serious, you know," Sirius shot back, defending himself against Remus's not-so-subtle attack.

"Of course you can be Sirius. It's your name," Remus said, more mild than he had before, knowing that not being confrontational would infuriate Sirius.

"Look, Remus…"

"This is not a good time to have this conversation," James said softly. "Every eye in the common room is on you two. Take it outside if you have to, just don't endanger anyone else because you two can't be man enough to discuss this civilly."

"James, you git, I don't think it's _your_ place to get involved…" Sirius started, teeth clenched.

"I don't think it's _your_ place to say or do anything more that will hurt any of us, do you?" James shot back, and took a step towards Sirius. "I think that, of the four of us, since Peter won't, I'm the best qualified to stand in between you two and stop you from doing anything stupid."

Sirius was growing madder by the second. At the end of the conversation, he too took a step towards James and bunched his fists together. "James, I…"

"Um, h-h-h-hey, you lot…" Peter stuttered, raising his hand halfway to his shoulder, like a frightened student in Transfiguration, "if the object of the conversation was not to attract attention, I think that we've failed."

Sure enough, the entire common room was now trying to listen to the conversation. Some of them were trying to be subtle about it, but most of them weren't even bothering to hide their interest, leaning forward in their seats and straining their ears.

Feeling abruptly tired, James sighed deeply and then said, "Gentlemen, I suggest a swift and very sudden change of subject."

"I say she's perfect," Sirius said, immediately brightening and unclenching his fists, in his almost manic-depressive manner.

The rest of the Marauders, used to quick changes of subject in conversation, eased their bodies, too.

"Who's she, and what's she perfect for?" Peter asked, a little clueless.

"Lily Evans. She's perfect for The Project," Sirius explained, a little impatiently.

"Do you think so?" Remus asked, tapping his fingers lightly on a windowsill. "Do you think she'd do it?"

"I think she could be persuaded," Sirius said thoughtfully, stroking his chin in a way he thought was attractive.

"I don't know. She never really does anything, you know, out of line…" Peter commented, though his voice came out almost as a whine.

"Obviously, you don't know Lily very well," Remus rebuked him. "I think she'd do it, given the chance."

"So, we're two against one, at the moment. James has yet to tell us what he thinks." Sirius turned and looked and James, flashing him a brilliant smile that was full of mischief.

"Well, there's no question she could do it," James said, and then grinned suddenly. "No question at all. Would she do it? That's an even better question. I think, if we asked her the right way, and explained what we wanted…"

"_What?_" Sirius exclaimed. "Explain it to her? The whole thing?"

"From the beginning," James responded calmly. "That would have to be Remus's decision, though."

Sighing, Remus leaned back and closed his eyes. "Why does it always have to be my decision?"

James raised his eyebrows, knowing that the question really didn't have to have an answer.

"I'll have to think about it," Remus said finally. "I just don't know."

"I think that you, of all people, would be more than willing to give Lily a chance."

"I would! It's just that it's not that easy…"

"I know. You've got all night to think about it, though." All of the Marauders looked up at James, and his grin could have nearly split his face. "She is going to sit with us tomorrow at breakfast."

"How'd you get her to do that?" Sirius asked, thoroughly interested. "I thought she hated you."

"Not hated. Intensely disliked" was all James would say in response to that.

"C'mon, James… tell us," Peter whined.

"Peter, be quiet…" Sirius whined back at him, and was rewarded with a sufficiently dirty look.

"Would you believe it? I wasn't a prat and she actually listened to me."

Remus looked stunned for a moment. "I suppose stranger things have happened."

Sirius let out a low whistle. "You may just stand a chance, Jamsie-boy. You may just stand a chance."

Thanks, Carissa and Lizzie, for being MWPP sounding boards. I appreciate all of your input, particularly regarding Snape and Regulus Black. You've given me a great deal to think about.

Thanks also to Anne, who is again beta'ing for me. I would think eventually she would tire of it, but she keeps on plugging away, making sure I stay in the seventies and well out of the new century.


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Remus was alone in the common room. Not an unusual event, as it was one of his favorite places to be in the middle of the night when his sleep was disturbed by terrifying dreams dominated by the wolf. Only tonight, it wasn't dreams that drove him to this sanctuary… it was the reality of Lily Evans.

If they could complete the map, it would be one of their greatest assets. They would know where everyone was, all of the time, which would make getting out to the Whomping Willow on nights when the moon was full that much easier. Also, it would help with the other things the Marauders did… namely, cause trouble.

They'd already finished most of the work on the map; they were just snagged on the spell that would hide the evidence of their work from the casual viewer's eye. At the moment, it was sitting upstairs in Sirius's trunk, because it was too dangerous to leave lying about.

That was another problem he would have to deal with, sooner or later. Sirius.

Remus could recall with great clarity the day when he had found out that his greatest secret had been exposed. He'd been frightened and confused and hurt by his imagined loss of his greatest friends. Of course, they'd reassured him that they would never betray him and that his disease didn't bother them one bit.

They'd set off, determined to find out everything they could about werewolves, and it hadn't taken them long to discover that as Animagi, they could safely be with Remus when he made his monthly transformation. Apparently, there had never been any question among the other three Marauders of whether or not they should attempt the Animagus transformation. Even after they'd found out all the horrible things that could go wrong, they'd still held strong to their promise to Remus. They would find someway to make his transformations easier.

For a while, it had worked. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs had experienced many adventures together. Though it was impossible for Remus to understand, the wolf was much calmer around his "animal" friends, and they had a good time running about the forest.

Until last year.

They'd all known that Sirius was, at best, unstable. His relationship with his parents had finally reached an all-time low when, in a fit of defiance on Christmas Eve, Sirius had left his parents' home for good. He'd grown more and more outrageous, and the feats and pranks he suggested grew more and more dangerous.

James and Remus had sat down and tried to talk with him, but Sirius didn't want to talk about what had finally driven him away from home, and he didn't want to talk about his crumbling relationship with his long-time girlfriend, Patricia, and he didn't want to talk about anything directly related to himself.

Sirius just wanted to have fun, or die trying.

He'd come remarkably close a few times, with James, Remus and Peter keeping a close eye on him to make sure he didn't actually succeed.

James and Sirius had always had a hateful relationship with one Slytherin in particular, Severus Snape. Remus and Peter had no great love for the boy, either, but they went out of their way less often to make Severus's life difficult.

On the last full moon of the school year, Sirius had launched the ultimate prank. He'd lured Snape out to the Whomping Willow without telling any of the other Marauders. The only reason Snape's life had been spared was James Potter, who hadn't had any second thoughts about saving his archenemy.

The point was, in Remus's mind, that Sirius had betrayed him. Not just him personally, but all of the Marauders. How did one repair that sort of breach? How could he not?

"Remus?" A soft voice from behind him broke his internal reverie. Turning, he saw it was Lily.

"Hello," he responded softly, staring into the fire determinedly. Lily Evans was James's girl, and always had been. It didn't matter that she looked softer somehow in her long nightgown and housecoat with her hair in braids.

"What are you doing up so late?" It grew even harder to ignore her when she sat down next to him on the sofa, her book tucked securely beneath her arm.

"I'm thinking," he said, hoping the vague statement would put her off.

"What's the problem, Remus? I'd be happy to help you." Earnestly, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned towards him.

"Lily, I… I really don't want to talk about it, all right?"

Lily accepted that with a nod, and opened up her book, clearly prepared for a quiet few minutes of reading, presumably until she felt tired enough to go to sleep.

"Have you ever… Have you ever had a really, really bad dream, and you try to wake up, but you can't, and no matter what you do, you can't make it stop?"

Lily looked up, startled by his rush of words. "Yes. Sometimes real life can feel like that too. I know… I know I felt that way when Mum died."

He knew it shouldn't have surprised him that she would catch the analogy. "It's about Sirius."

Leaning back, Lily closed her book and stared at the fire while she decided the best way to say what she had to say. "He's been more… unpredictable… than usual lately, I've noticed."

Remus nodded, staring into the fire as if transfixed. In reality, he had no idea of how to approach the subject with Lily. Certainly he couldn't turn to any of his other friends for help in this situation. He didn't want to cause a rift between the four of them that could possibly ruin their friendship forever.

"He's having problems at home," he finally decided to say.

Lily raised her eyebrows at the evasiveness of that statement, but decided to let him take charge of the conversation. Years of experience had taught her that one didn't get very far by being direct with Remus J. Lupin, as he had signed all the official papers when they had been prefects together. Again, she turned her attention to the book in front of her. If she hadn't been listening intently to every sound made in the common room, she might not have caught what he said next.

"It's still not an excuse, though," he whispered, as if to himself.

"Sirius has never needed an excuse before to misbehave, Remus, as you very well know," Lily said nonchalantly.

"This goes a bit farther than misbehaving," Remus said, before he could stop himself.

"Oh?" Lily dropped the book altogether and gave her full attention to her friend. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Remus admitted, "but I… I really want to talk to _someone,_ and I can't talk to James or Peter without forcing them to take sides."

Lily nodded. She hadn't expected getting Remus to talk to her would be easy. "You know you can talk to me, if you ever want to."

This was the girl that meant so much to him – the one girl who hadn't frightened him off with overwhelming feminine whiles and high-pitched giggling whenever she talked. This was the girl who spent long hours discussing homework with him when James and Sirius didn't have the patience to. Lily Evans was nothing if not compassionate, kind and reasonable.

Perhaps, if he could word his problem so that she wouldn't know about his disease, then he could obtain her advice without losing her friendship.

They sat there for a while soundlessly, each one lost in their own thoughts, not willing to break the silence with words that might confuse or hurt.

"Sirius betrayed me." As soon as the words were out, Remus could have easily shot himself in the foot. His tone was strangled, raw, and not easy to listen to. He hadn't even discussed this with his mother. "He betrayed me," he repeated forcefully. "He had no right to do what he did."

Some voice in the back of his head was screaming at him to slow down, to take precautions, to not scare her off with too much detail, but he couldn't listen to that voice in the back of his head. What he had to say had to be said, or he would slowly lose his mind.

Somehow, Lily had maneuvered so that she was sitting much closer to him, and she had both of his overly large hands in her small ones.

"Sirius told Severus about the Whomping Willow… he told him we were going to meet there on a full moon. Severus thought this was the ultimate chance to get back James, you know? Sirius just wanted to have a little fun, to scare Severus away, to make him shut up for once and for all…" A dam inside of Remus had broken, and there was no stopping it. He could see Lily's eyes widen in shock as she realized what the problem with the full moon was, but she didn't stop holding his hands. In fact, she gripped them tighter.

"Oh, I could just murder him in his sleep," she whispered. "How _dare_ he?"

"It was all Peter and Sirius could do to hold me back. You don't know what it's like when the wolf smells human meat. I get… the wolf gets so excited. There's literally nothing that can hold prevent him from trying to rip, tear, shred…" His voice broke, but he swallowed hard and pressed on. "James was going to be late. He told us all that. He had some studying or some prank to set up – I don't know. Severus had better thank his lucky stars that James had a previous engagement, though.

"He saved Severus. Knocked him out of the way of the wolf until Sirius and Peter could restrain… me, and then carried Severus away to the Hospital Wing. He hadn't got bitten. That was the good thing."

"If the wolf likes human meat, then how come Sirius and Peter could stop… the wolf?"

Remus sighed. It was a night for getting rid of secrets, it seemed. He only prayed that he could still face his friends in the morning. There was no going back now.

"Think, Lily," he said wearily. "They had to be…"

"…Something other than human! They had to be… they had to be animals. They have to be Animagi!"

Remus nodded his head, then found that motion roughened up an already weakened brain. His very skull was pounding.

"Remus, are you okay?" The concern in Lily's voice was evident. She wasn't totally repulsed by him, even after her discovery of what he was truly like.

"I'm just tired."

"Do you want to stop talking? We can go on tomorrow, if you'd like." There was no pity in Lily's eyes, only the realisation that long conversations in the middle of the night probably made him more tired than normal.

"No, I'm fine."

"How did you find out that Sirius was behind all of this?"

"I never figured Peter could do anything like that. He doesn't have enough spine. Sirius was the only one who could have possibly done something like that. James was mad -- more mad than I think I'd ever seen anyone. More mad than I certainly had the energy for at the time. He told Sirius out let him know what he thought of it. Then of course, Professor Dumbledore had to find out."

"Oh Merlin! They could have… they could have kicked you out!"

It was nice to have someone listen to the story that thought exactly the same way that he did. "I've never been so terrified in all of my life… Except for my first day here, of course."

"Why would you have been terrified your first day? You, James, Sirius and Peter all were friends pretty much immediately, as I recall."

Remus looked up at her, eyebrows raised. "We were. I was scared to death that once they found out about… well, you know what, they wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore. Eventually I just decided to live every day like it was the last day I could get to be friends with them."

Lily smiled. "Live every day like it was the last. My mother used to say things like that to me. Especially when I was fighting with friends. Betrayal hurts, and what Sirius did to you is almost unforgivable, but… What if I told you the Death Eaters were going to come after Sirius next? What would you say?"

"I'd be the first to stand in line to defend him," Remus answered promptly.

"If you're willing to die for him, don't you think you should be willing to live with him too?"

Shrugging, Remus avoided her gaze. "I don't want to think about it."

"You have to. There's a war going on. I've lost my parents… and not to the war. You can't go on fighting with each other. Can't you both see what it's doing to James? To Peter?

"James feels like he has to play an almost parental role and make sure the rest of the world doesn't realize that the unbreakable four are cracking. Peter jumps at the smallest sound that either one of you makes. It's a little intimidating to the rest of us watching from the outside. I mean, if you all can lose what you have – what is safe in the world?"

At the last, Lily laughed and turned her face quickly so that Remus wouldn't see the tears.

"Lily… What's wrong?" He felt awful. He must have done something, or said something to make her hurt.

"You don't realize what you have. Maybe you do, more so than the others, but none of you _really_ do. You have people in the world you care about you, who want to know exactly what you're doing and where you're going. Friends, Remus, who are going to be there for you, no matter what happens. I don't think even death could keep you four away from each other."

Remus blushed at this truth, frightened by the directness of her gaze and the power behind her emotions. He was suddenly struck by how terribly lonely Lily must feel.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"For what?" Lily asked, wiping away the tears. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"I'm sorry you're lonely. I should have been a better friend."

Lily shook her head. "You've been a great friend. The very best." With that, she picked up her feet and ran out of the common room, trying desperately to hide the sobs coming from deep within her chest, and failing miserably.

Nothing like a happy ending to cheer everyone up, eh? The drama, the drama. HUGE hugs and thanks go to Lizzie, who fixed my chapter! YAY! If you're reading this story and you're really enjoying it, you should send her some really good wine, because she is a goddess.

Anne and Daily Prophet Reporting both looked this over. I have many kind words and thanks to send their way. It takes an incredible amount of patience to work with me, and they both work miracles.


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

The next morning, Lily awoke with a terrible, pounding headache and a feeling of disbelief so profound that she almost convinced herself that nothing had happened… that she had dreamt the whole thing.

No, no. She couldn't have. You actually had to sleep to dream. Besides, trying to deny the situation would only make Remus feel worse and would complicate things more than they already were -- and they were complicated enough already, in Lily's own opinion.

The enormity of what she had learned the night before sat on her like an overly large winter cloak. Remus was not human. At least, the Ministry of Magic didn't view him that way. James, Sirius and Peter were under-aged Animagi because there was no other way to be with Remus during the most painful times in his life… And last year, Sirius had ruined it all.

Well, maybe not ruined, but tried his best to break the friendship that was almost legendary among the Gryffindor students. Remus was feeling alone and helpless, frustrated and angry, and Sirius wasn't doing a thing to try and rectify the problem. Perhaps he felt that what he had done was unforgivable.

With a sigh, Lily swung her legs out of bed and ran her fingers through her hair. She was fairly certain that nothing short of murder was considered unforgivable by the others in that little group.

Then there had been the last little bit of conversation between her and Remus. He had seen, finally, that she was lonely, and felt somehow responsible for that.

"There's nothing you can do, Remus," she muttered to herself, sticking her feet in slippers and heading over to her trunk for clothing. "You and James and Sirius and Peter have your own little group and the other girls in the class have their own little group and I honestly don't think I have a place in either one of them."

_Is that why you're having breakfast with James Potter and his cronies? Because you think there's not a place for you with them? _a voice in the back of her head sneered.

"I'm having breakfast with James Potter," Lily said furiously to herself, "because I want to. There's no ulterior motive."

"You know, one of the first signs of mental illness is talking to yourself," Kathleen said, coming through the doorway. She, too, was in seventh year, and was the only one of her roommates Lily felt even the slightest connection with.

"Is that right? I just thought it was a bad habit… didn't realize it was so sinister," Lily snapped.

"Testy, testy. What's rubbed you the wrong way?"

"I'm an idiot," Lily confided dramatically, searching desperately, _desperately_, for a bra that was comfortable.

"Yes, well, tell us something we don't know, darling." Kathleen's pretty Irish voice was practically laced with sarcasm. "Are you going to tell me more than that, or are you just going to leave it there? If you do, I may be forced to torture it out of you."

"_I_, Head Girl, supposedly the smartest girl in our year, have agreed to have breakfast with none other than James Potter this very morning. Tell me that's not the most incredibly stupid thing you've ever heard of."

Kathleen raised an eyebrow. "Well, now. This certainly is interesting."

"Why is it interesting?" Something in Kathleen's tone had set Lily off, and she abandoned the search momentarily to advance on Kathleen.

"There's nothing wrong with it, Lily, we had just been wondering how long it was going to take you to relax around him a little."

"Relax? Around James Potter? Are we talking about the same bloke?"

"The problem with you is that you take everything entirely too seriously, love. You might think about easing back a little, enjoy the poor boy's company, eh? He's really quite funny."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake. I never said he wasn't funny." Turning away irritably, Lily pulled one of the bras from a stack and hoped it would suffice. "I am going to go take a shower."

"So you do think he's funny, then?"

"Of course. I was just concerned that he might not be mature enough to be Head Boy… And Remus and I had been doing our thing for so long, I just figured that Dumbledore would choose to keep the team together."

_It might not have been Dumbledore's decision,_ that little voice said again. _What if Remus resigned?_

"We were all shocked, too. He's a really powerful wizard, though."

"There was never any doubt of that. If there was any, he certainly removed them yesterday afternoon on the train."

It appeared that the conversation was not going to end there, as Kathleen followed her out the dormitory door towards the showers.

"Are you going to be telling me what happened, then? Or are you going to keep me in suspense? You know I can't handle suspense."

"It was nothing, all right? We climbed onto the roof of the train, we did our thing, and we came back."

"You climbed on the roof of the train? _You_?" Kathleen couldn't keep the disbelief out of her voice. "The same Lily Evans who almost cries every time she has to climb onto a broom?"

"Don't rub it in. Besides, James was behind me the whole way."

"I'll just bet he was." It was at that infuriating moment that Kathleen decided to turn around and leave Lily standing there.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means it's going to be an interesting school year," Kathleen said, and didn't even turn to look over her shoulder as she headed back to the dormitory.

Standing under the stream of hot water, Lily silently cursed Kathleen and her own stupidity. She could always back out now, but that would look to Remus like she was giving up on their friendship simply because he was a werewolf.

Irritated, Lily shut the shower down, and stepped out to towel off. Getting herself ready in the morning didn't take as much time as it took some of the other girls, but she liked to spend a few minutes pampering herself. That meant using a quick Drying Spell to get rid of the moisture in her hair and a little while to style it, some lip-gloss and very understated mascara and eye shadow, and she was ready to go.

Once she arrived in the common room, James was standing there, waiting for her.

"Hello," she said, mostly because she couldn't think of anything else clever and exciting to say to him.

"Hello yourself," he whispered, and then shook his head, as if bringing himself out of a trance. "Um, the other blokes are still in the showers… and stuff. I'm the first one here."

For some reason, his nervousness made her relax a little. So this wasn't going to be easy for him… just like it wasn't going to be easy for her. They had six years of near animosity to get over before they could call each other "friend", but the fact that James Potter was human made that seem almost possible to Lily Evans.

"I noticed they weren't here. How is Remus this morning?" Lily asked, choosing a safe topic while she made her way over to one of the armchairs to wait.

"Seems a bit tired, but that's not really unusual," James admitted, and then stopped cold before Lily nodded at him, silently communicating the fact that she already knew.

"I see" was all she said as she began to study her shoe with some interest.

After a long moment of silence, while James presumably digested the fact that Lily knew the best-kept secret at Hogwarts, he decided to speak up.

"Did you drop any classes over the summer?" James began tentatively.

"Of course not. I sort of feel obligated to finish them out, you know."

"I didn't either, but some of our classmates are. They're scared off by the reality of the N.E.W.T.s."

"Don't even _mention_ them in my presence," Lily said with a self-deprecating grin. "I might go off on some tangent about how I haven't got around to studying yet and the adverse affect it's going to have on my future, and you will be bored to tears."

James shook his head. "I doubt that."

"Aren't you nervous about them though? I am… in fact, I don't think I've ever been so frightened in all of my life."

"Not even when you were on the roof of the train yesterday?"

"Small potatoes compared to a harsh judging board and the fate of the rest of my life resting on one test."

James nodded. "I find it's less stressful not to think about that. I'll just go in there and take the test like it's a Potions exam."

"You're really going to be that cool? I doubt I will be. In fact, I predict several nervous breakdowns in the year to come."

"There is nothing more entertaining than you in the middle of a nervous breakdown, Lily, light of my life," Sirius called from across the room. Lily immediately squashed the rebuke that was on the tip of her tongue. It wouldn't do anyone any good for her to take out her anger on him, yet.

"You say that now, Sirius," Lily said, waving her finger, "but you just wait. There'll be nothing 'entertaining' about it."

"This year does promise to be quite stressful," Remus agreed, coming down the stairs behind Sirius. "However, thinking about it does nothing for my appetite, and I'm thinking we should save what little there is of it."

"Hear, hear!" James agreed. "Let's go to breakfast then, shall we?"

"Where's Peter?" Lily asked, before the rest of the group could descend without him.

"He's coming," James said nonchalantly. "Why do you think I said that so loudly? He'll be coming down the stairs at a breakneck speed any minute now."

"Peter's kind of slow in the morning," Remus said, with a patient smile.

"Peter's kind of slow all the time," Sirius muttered under his breath so that only Lily could catch it. In spite of herself, a little chuckle escaped her.

"I'm here, I'm here!" Peter announced as he flung himself down the stairs at astonishing speed. Not unsurprisingly, he tripped over his own feet and almost fell flat on his face. James and Sirius both rushed to catch him, which only increased the red flush on Peter's face. "Thanks," he mumbled, straightening his shirt and adjusting his pants so that he looked more presentable.

"Let's go then. I'm starving!" Sirius said with a large grin and a wink for Lily. "Not specifically for food though, Lily, light of my life…"

"Well, food is all you're going to get. Remus has agreed to be my escort for the morning, and James has happily agreed to be his second. You're simply going to have to wait in line."

Remus looked positively stunned and James guffawed.

"She's got you beat there, Sirius, old chap!"

Sirius had no choice but to agree, and he joined in with the rare gusto only Sirius possessed. Remus was a bit more hesitant in his laughter, but eventually he enjoyed in the merriment. When it was evident that it was okay to laugh, because everyone else was doing so, Peter carefully added his chuckles, making sure to stop exactly when Sirius and James did.

The walk down to the Great Hall was surprisingly entertaining. Lily found it easy to enjoy the company of all of the boys, and they traded insults, jokes and worries with the ease of longtime friendship.

A few people at breakfast that morning were surprised to see Lily Evans and James Potter actually speaking to each other and enjoying one another's company, but nothing was said to them. It was simply shrugged off, considering the fact that Lily and James had already shocked the rest of the school with their daring on the train. It seemed sort of inevitable that the two of them, who had risked so much for the school, would come closer together after an event like that.

Lily was seated with a great deal of flair next to Remus, and James immediately occupied the seat on the other side of her. Sirius and Peter sat on the opposite side of the table with Kathleen.

"I can't wait to get our time tables," Lily was saying excitedly as she buttered a piece of toast. "I hope it's not as dreadful as last year's was."

"It's certain to be worse," Kathleen said pessimistically. "This is, after all, our last year here."

Sirius threw his hands over his years and immediately started humming. "I can't hear you, I can't hear you!"

"Of all the juvenile…" Lily mumbled under her breath.

"It's not juvenile, it's denial," Sirius said with a broad grin that would have charmed most girls. Lily noted, however, that it didn't quite reach his eyes the way his smiles used to. "I don't want to grow up."

"Okay, Peter Pan," Kathleen began, but was cut off by the entrance of Severus Snape. "He's a bit late, don't you think?"

Sirius almost snarled, his beautiful grin immediately replaced by something much more sinister. "I would have thought he would have had the decency to stay on the other side of the Great Hall."

Lily shot him a sharp look, but James said mildly, "Down, Sirius."

"I would appreciate it very much," Remus said in a soft, intense voice, "if you wouldn't make a scene, Sirius."

Immediately, Sirius's features smoothed over at the rebuke from both of his friends. "Fine then. I shall be as docile and harmless as a puppy."

"Housebroken or not?" Kathleen asked saucily.

Sirius smiled. The flirtation game was one that he knew how to play. "How would you like me?"

"Rare, medium rare, medium, well, medium well, or crispy?" James added with a wink. Kathleen let out a hoot of laughter.

"Morning, Potter," a cultured voice said from behind him. James turned around slowly, his face stony.

"Good morning, Snape," he responded in a deceptively cheerful tone. "Is there anything we can do for you today?"

"I just wanted to be sure you knew," his voice dropped to a low whisper, "that one misstep this year will be the end of the line for you."

"I've already told one of your friends that threats won't make an impact on me this year." James remained smiling, so that no one would suspect the seriousness of the conversation, other than Lily, who was pretending to eat her food with an amazing level of concentration.

"I know your secret, Potter, and I won't hesitate to use it against you, if I have to."

Lily looked up. "Good morning, Severus. Pleasant weather today, isn't it?"

Both James and Severus looked at her as though she were crazy. "It wouldn't do to threaten the Head Boy in front of the Head Girl, would it, Severus?"

Snape tried to work his mouth to form words, but found he could only manage "Erm, no…"

"I knew you were an exceptionally bright fellow," James muttered.

"James," Lily rebuked him softly before turning again to Snape. "It is also not particularly nice to use that sort of information against someone, Severus. I must say I'm rather disappointed in you. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to eat my breakfast in the relative peace I was enjoying before."

Noting with some degree of satisfaction that she had sufficiently shocked both Severus and James, she returned her attention to her food, confident that Severus was leaving.

"You're incredible," James whispered to her. "I thought you liked him."

"I didn't… That is, I don't dislike him, either. I just disliked the senseless disrespect you shared for each other. Now I can see why you think less of him than I do."

"Because he's a sneaking, rotten, no good snitch?" James asked with a pleasant smile.

"That may have something to do with it," Lily agreed amicably, and patted his arm comfortingly, without noticing the looks the other people at the table exchanged. "Pass the sausages, will you?"

Thanks go out to Anne and KC, of course, for again extending their services to my humble fic. I appreciate all that they do.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

The timetables, which had been passed out shortly after the confrontation with Snape, turned out to be every bit as dreadful as Kathleen had predicted, and they were greeted with much moaning and groaning by the seventh-year Gryffindors.

"This is simply too much," wailed a particularly distraught Mary Clains. "I can't handle N.E.W.T.-level Potions first thing in the morning! It's a wonder I even _passed_ last year… I can't imagine why I signed up for it this year!"

James shrugged as he glanced over his timetable. "It doesn't seem all that horrible. At least Transfiguration is the next lesson."

Mary fixated a glare that would have petrified a lesser person on James. "The rest of us actually have trouble with Transfiguration, James."

"Well, to each their own. Hey, Lily, when do you have N.E.W.T. Charms?"

"Same time that you do, James," Lily responded with a patient smile. "How does your timetable look, Remus?"

Tiredly, Remus glanced up from the piece of parchment he held in his hand. "Exhausting. The N.E.W.Ts promise to live up to their name."

"I don't doubt it," Peter said worriedly. "I don't think I'm going to pass…"

"We pulled you through sixth year…and fifth, come to think of it," Sirius said off-handedly. "We can get you through seventh. We'll just spend most of our free time in the library. Again."

"You have never, in all of your life, spent most of your free time in the library," Lily accused him, with a twinkle in her eye.

Sirius just shook his head. "You wound me once again, Lily Evans, with your acerbic wit and above-average intelligence."

James glared at his friend and took one last look at his timetable. "We'll pull through. Nobody gets left behind… no matter how much work it takes."

Remus nodded. "I agree, Peter. You'll be just fine."

Peter nodded, but he still looked worried, and kept muttering to himself about having to schedule time to breathe.

"Peter, I'm sure I can find the time to help you in Charms again this year," Lily said, and gave him a wide grin. "I know you improved greatly last year."

Peter shook his head. "I've only got to take two classes this year. Everyone else is doing twice as many, or more. I don't want to be a burden on anyone."

"Don't be silly," Lily said dismissively. "If you were a burden, we wouldn't bother."

Glancing at his watch, Remus stood up. "We'd best go. I have a feeling none of us wants to be late to the first class of our last year in Hogwarts."

"I can't believe I could follow that," James muttered. "Sirius is supposed to be the confusing one, not Remus."

Lily gave him a discreet kick under the table, a subtle reminder that Remus was having a hard enough time as it was. "I think that's an excellent idea, Remus."

"I don't have a class now," Peter said with a shrug. "So I guess I'll just go to the library and get some studying done. Or something."

"Sounds like a good idea, Peter. You could review the first chapter in the N.E.W.T. level Charms book," Lily suggested. "Then I could help you go over it before you actually have the lecture on it. It really helps to have some idea of the material ahead of time."

"Yes," muttered Sirius, "just ask James."

Lily shot him a look, but then ignored him, focusing all of her attention on Peter. "We'll see you after class, then."

With that, James and Lily stood up pretty much simultaneously, heading off in the direction of the Potions dungeon.

"Well, they've certainly become chummy," Sirius noted under his breath. "I wonder when _that_ happened."

"Presumably yesterday," Remus said tiredly, pushing up from the table so that he could rise to his feet without using too much energy and over-exerting himself. "It's amazing what having to depend on someone else for your life will do to you."

Sirius shot a look in Remus's direction that would have frightened a lesser man. "Subtle, Remus."

"One can't be, with you around," Remus shot back before he could help himself.

"That's it!" Sirius exclaimed, and gestured impatiently towards one of the corridors. "We need to make a visit to some place more… quiet."

"I agree," Remus said quietly, and followed Sirius closely as they entered an abandoned classroom.

"Listen, I'm sorry, mate. Okay? We've been 'round and 'round about this…"

"No, we haven't," Remus said forcefully. "We haven't talked about it all. I was in the hospital wing, and you came in to beg your forgiveness, and I was tired so I said, 'go away.' Remember? That was the extent of our conversation!"

"I'm sorry, all right? I'm bloody sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Sirius. You can play around with your life, if you'd like. You can even risk mine every now and again… but you should have _never_ put Severus Snape in that position! At least _we_ know what we're getting into every full moon!"

"I thought it would be funny…" Sirius protested weakly.

"Well, it wasn't, was it? No! Severus could have _died,_ and you thought it was _funny?_ For the love of Merlin, Sirius! Would you have me become a murderer? For a stupid _prank_? _James_ could have died! _James_! We both know you couldn't stand to lose _him_!"

"Remus…" Sirius started, but couldn't finish that thought out. "I'm sorry, mate. I really am. I know you're disappointed in me."

Remus shook his head, and glanced at his watch so that Sirius wouldn't see how much this conversation was affecting him. "Sorry is not going to make it all go away, Sirius. Not this time. Sorry doesn't make betrayal go away."

"Remus, I'm sorry… I know, I know, you don't want to hear that. I didn't think it all the way through, okay? It just was sort of an impulsive thing…"

"I trusted you," Remus said, nights of sleeplessness creeping into his voice, into his posture. "I trusted you… and everyone else… exclusively. How can I ever trust you again? I don't even really understand why you did it."

"I didn't do it to hurt you, Remus. I didn't even think about hurting you."

"Why didn't you run it by any one of us before you even opened your mouth?" Remus asked, most of the anger long since drained from his system. "Why didn't you ask James? Or Peter?"

"I just wanted to end everything. Once and for all."

Remus closed his eyes on a sigh. Sirius was volatile, unpredictable, and unmanageable. At least, on the surface. Once you got to know him, you started to recognize a pattern. He was emotionally stinted, trusting only those with whom he had a long friendship. Outwardly, he was outgoing, but not very giving with any real emotions. When he did feel, it was with a passion… so as a result, he was very, very contrite now.

"Killing Snape was not the brightest way to go about it," Remus said warily.

"I didn't want to kill him, all right?"

"What was your plan then?" Remus asked, remarkably calm. "Were you just going to scare him?"

"I don't really know what the plan was, Remus. I didn't think… I can't even remember anything about that night very well. I remember you… I remember you had already transformed, and I remember watching James and Snape…" His voice trailed off. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"Very easily, I suspect," Remus said, cautiously teasing. "It's never been a problem before."

Sirius looked up from the ground, where he'd locked his eyes only moments before, to see that Remus wasn't being mean-spirited in the least. This was the friend that he could count on above all. The friend he knew so well… the friend that he'd risked so much to help. And, he suddenly realized, the friend who had risked so much for him in return.

"You can say that again," Sirius muttered and shook his head.

"We're going to be late to class," Remus said suddenly, breaking the tension that still hung between them, though in a lesser degree than it had before.

"Shit," Sirius said, and took off at a dead run towards the Potions dungeon. They reached the door at the same time. "You know, we're going to be late."

"Really?" Remus asked. "I would have never guessed that, myself.

"Very funny, very funny," Sirius said, and pushed open the door.

"Gentlemen," said Professor Athena Gray. "I do believe you're late. I'm sure that's a big surprise to everyone here." A quiet chuckle swept through the room.

Remus's eyes swept through the room. There were only two available seats. One was next to James. The other was next to Severus Snape.

"I think I have just the seats for both of you," Professor Gray said, with a pleasurable gleam in her eye. "Mr. Lupin, if you would take the seat next to Mr. Potter, and Mr. Black, if you find it well within your capacity, I advise you to take a seat next to Mr. Snape."

Sirius started an automatic protest, but he was cut off. "This is the _only_ alternative to a detention, Mr. Black, and I doubt that you want to start the year off that way. Again."

"No, Professor."

"That's what I thought. Now, if you could all refocus your attention on what I was saying before…"

"What rotten luck," Sirius mumbled under his breath as he dragged his feet to the seat next to Severus. "I can't believe I have to sit next to the undead for the rest of the year."

"Well, some of us are not so happy about having to breathe the same air as a disgrace to the House Slytherin, either. I think that, of the two of us, I should be the more upset, don't you?" Severus's inky voice said in a low whisper. "After all, I've never tried to kill you."

"And I've never tried to kill you, you miserable, slimy, sneaky bastard. I'm no disgrace. You're the disgrace."

Severus smiled. "For all your talk about the outdated concepts that most of my housemates believe very strongly in, I do believe you're the only one in our year who's committed a crime."

"It wasn't a crime. It was a prank."

"Really? Because it seemed very much against the law to me."

"You're lucky I'm under strict orders from Dumbledore and James not to touch you, otherwise I would rearrange that hideously ugly mass of flesh you dare to call a nose into something even more horrifying to look at. And believe me, that would be an accomplishment."

"I sincerely hope," Professor Gray interjected smoothly, "that the only thing the two of you _accomplish_ for the rest of the hour is complete and total silence. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Professor," they mumbled together, but not before exchanging very nasty looks.

Peter opened the book of Charms very carefully. He didn't really want to be studying. He wanted to be in a class, with the rest of his friends. The high, nasal voice of his mother came back to him then.

_"You're going to make a mess of your life, Peter Williams Pettigrew, if you don't straighten up soon! For heaven's sake… Only three O.W.L.s? The doctors told me there was nothing wrong with you… I guess it's just good old-fashioned laziness. Well, I can kick that out of you…"_

"I'm _not_ lazy," he said aloud, and turned his attention to a paragraph that seemed relatively simple. At least, in the beginning. In a few short minutes, he was concentrating fully on what he was reading. A sharp knock on the head captured his complete attention just a few moments later, however.

"If it isn't Peter Pettigrew?" mocked Richard Carmen, a particularly large and ungainly Slytherin, who, despite his weight, was quite intelligent. "Why aren't you following Potter and Black around like a lost puppy? Did you find a home?"

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Did you hear that?" Carmen's voice was unusually loud, and a group of three Slytherins came over to join him. "Pettigrew doesn't want to talk to us. He's too good to have a conversation with a real wizard. He only chats with Mudbloods."

"Hey! You watch it, now!" Peter stood up and clenched his fists, even though he was shaking like a leaf. He just kept imagining what James would do in this situation.

"Or you'll do what? Sneeze on me? Face it, Pettigrew, you've got nothing. That's why you've got to hang around with blokes like Black and Potter… so they'll do your homework for you."

"That's not true!"

"Yeah, that's right. You know, I've heard some of the professors say that you might as well be a Squib, Pettigrew. Maybe Black and Potter are helping you out by doing more than your homework."

"H-h-how could they do that?" Peter stammered. "You lot aren't being fair."

"Well, if you got real power, show it to us."

"M-m-m-magic isn't a-a-a-allowed in the corridors. I c-c-could get c-caught."

"Are you shaking in fear, or have you really got something to hide?" Carmen sneered. "Or are you just s-s-s-scared?"

"I'm not s-s-scared!" Peter nearly shouted, and then cursed himself for his stupidity.

"What is going on here?" Madam Pince asked as she stormed over to the table. "Mr. Carmen, you leave that young man alone, do you hear me? He's trying to _study_, the poor dear. Get out, or I'll give you a month's worth of detention, so help me."

"I think you're scared," Carmen whispered to Peter, "and if you're really not, then you ought to prove it to us. Wednesday. Midnight. The Astronomy Tower. Be there."

"Why?" Peter asked, and felt immediate gratification at the fact that he hadn't stuttered.

"Because we're going to find out what you're really made of, Pettigrew."

"I mean it! Out!" Madam Pince called, and Carmen turned smartly on his heel and left the library.

_What does he mean,_ Peter thought, _when he says, 'Find out what you're really made of?' Are we going to duel?_

The mere thought sent shivers rolling up and down his spine. Nausea crept up from his stomach and stuck in his windpipe so that he felt the bile burning the back throat. He could admit to himself that he was scared. Very scared. Still, the other Marauders were constantly doing things that proved their bravery. He should have courage, as well.

He thought of all the times he'd gone out with James, Sirius and Remus on full moons. He was the one who pushed the knot that stilled the Whomping Willow. That took courage. Sometimes, he voiced his opinions very vocally to the other Marauders. That took courage.

It didn't seem like the right kind of courage, though. Peter wondered if he could find something inside of himself that would let him face those boys.

_I should do it by myself. I should go alone. Bringing James or Sirius would only confirm what they think of me – that they _do do everything for me. But they don't!

A wealth of confidence sprung up in his chest from somewhere deep inside him, and Peter made a conscious choice. Wednesday night, at midnight, he would be at the Astronomy Tower, and he would prove them wrong. Once and for all.

Thanks, Anne and DPR for the marvelous beta'ing job! It's a good thing y'all are around… otherwise… Yeesh.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

Wednesday night approached faster than Peter would have liked. That night, sitting in front of the fire in the common room he couldn't concentrate on homework or the reading he was supposed to get done for his Herbology class. He couldn't think, because his mind kept returning to the fact that sooner, rather than later, he was going to have to somehow prove he was every bit the man that his friends were.

The problem was he wasn't sure that he himself believed that. James and Sirius, while they had their faults, could both be smooth talkers and were certainly more than competent when it came to magic and learning. Peter, on the other hand, always seemed to struggle with anything involving a wand. If it weren't for the help of his friends, he certainly wouldn't be taking as many N.E.W.T.-level classes as he was, and there was the possibility that he wouldn't have made it to seventh year without their help. As far as Remus was concerned, while he certainly wasn't as… dynamic as James or Sirius, he had a dry sarcastic wit that most of their classmates found appealing.

What did he have to offer? He wasn't quick-witted, or smart, or funny. With a heavy sigh, he stared even deeper into the fire.

"Peter?" a soft voice asked from behind.

Startled, he jumped a little off the ground and whipped around. "Lily! You scared me."

"I'm sorry, Peter," she said and smiled. "I thought we could sit together. I'm working on the same Herbology assignment. You're much more talented at it than I am."

Peter blushed to the tips of his ears. "You're just saying that."

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm not. Everyone knows you're one of the best in the class. Even James doesn't really do as well as you do."

"You really think so?"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Yes, of course. I wouldn't lie about something like this, Peter."

Shrugging a little, Peter turned back to the fire. "Thanks, Lily. It's really nice of you to come and talk to me like this."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Nobody really talks to me unless they want to talk to James or Sirius," Peter mumbled and opened his book again. "It's not really a big deal, I guess."

"It's a big deal if it matters to you," Lily said with a smile. "Sometimes it can seem like the biggest thing, can't it? Well, I'll have you know that I, for one, really like you, Peter Pettigrew. Friends?"

A slow smile crept over Peter's face. The change was startling. Features that might have seemed rat-like or frightening now seemed harmless. His cheeks were quite rounded, she noted, but he had little dimples on the sides of his mouth.

"Friends," he agreed, and held his hand out.

Sometime later, when they were both closing their Herbology books, Peter stood and then offered to help her up.

"Thanks, Peter," Lily said. "I really enjoyed it. I had no idea some of those man-eating plants could be so fascinating."

Peter grinned. "It's all in how you look at it, I guess."

"'Ello, Peter," Sirius said as the portrait door swung open and he, James and Remus strode through the door. "Evening, love," he called to Lily with a wink.

"Hello to you too, Sirius," Lily called back with a good-natured grin.

"Um…. H-h-h-hello, S-s-s-s-sirius." With the direness of the situation suddenly settling upon him, Peter found it very hard to respond. After all, in a few short hours, he would be attempting to sneak around these people, his mates, who had been his lifelines for seven years. Somehow, he felt like he was betraying them.

"I say, what's the matter with you, old chum?" James asked, his eyes wandering from Lily's face to Peter's. "You've been a bit more… jumpy than usual. Something wrong?"

Peter shook his head and swallowed hard. "N-n-no. There's n-n-nothing wr-wr-wrong with me. There's n-n-nothing g-g-going on."

"Right," Sirius said, sarcastically drawing out the word and raising his eyebrows. "That's why you're stuttering all of a sudden."

"Look, you lot," Remus interjected, "why don't we let Peter have his secret for a while, eh? I'm sure he'll let us in on it eventually."

"Y-y-yes, of course."

James narrowed his eyes, taking a step closer to Peter to get a better look at his friend. Meanwhile, Peter sweated under his gaze. What if James saw something he wasn't supposed to see? Finally, James said, "Well, all right. After all, we've all kept secrets before….. And besides, we've all been known to get a bit nervous around Lily."

"James, mate, I think _you've_ been known to get a bit nervous around Lily," Sirius teased.

James glared at Sirius for a moment, but as usual, couldn't stay mad for long. "I'm thirsty. Sirius, you still have any of that Butterbeer from our last Hogsmeade trip?"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Did you lot go Hogsmeade before school started?"

James grinned. "Well, that's for us to know, isn't it?"

"James Potter! I can't believe you would break a rule like that when you're the _Head Boy,_ for Merlin's sake."

"You're jumping to conclusions, Lily. I didn't say _I_ went before school started."

Her face flamed. James was so reasonable. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything."

James shrugged. "Yes, you did. It's all right, though. We all make assumptions. Sirius, do you want to go get that Butterbeer now?"

"All right." With a jovial wave to Peter, Remus and James, he headed up the stairs to his dormitory.

"Studying Herbology, Peter?" Remus asked, sitting in an over-sized armchair.

"I was just helping Lily out, actually," Peter said, not without pride.

"Really?" Remus turned to look at Lily, who flashed him a brilliant smile.

"He's really quite good when it comes to Herbology, especially the more… carnivorous species of plants."

James grinned. "Of course. He's a Marauder. He _would_ know all about the plants that could kill you."

Lily laughed, and the sound filled the common room. Since her mother's death, she had rarely done more than smile at the wisecracks and antics of her friends. "Of course," she agreed.

"I've got the Butterbeer," Sirius called, running down the stairs at a breakneck speed. He came to a quick stop and began to present the bottles. "Two for James, two for Remus, even though he can only drink one without getting tipsy, the pansy, but you look like you need an extra one, my friend, one for Peter, one for Lily and three for me."

James shook his head. "You're going to drink _three_?"

"I do _not_ get tipsy on Butterbeer," Remus said, with a strong glare for Sirius. "I'll have you know that I'm not the one who had to hold _someone's_ head over the toilet last New Year's!"

Lily felt a swelling of joy. Remus and Sirius were teasing each other again! They might, just might, have started fixing whatever had been destroyed.

"The reason _someone_ and to hold _someone else's_ head over the toilet had to do with something a lot stronger than Butterbeer!" Sirius said, leaning back in the chair he'd plopped down in.

"Oh really?" Lily asked, popping open her own bottle. "What did it have to do with, exactly?"

Sirius grinned and Remus snickered.

"A very fine bottle of Odgen's Firewhiskey," James supplied with a chuckle. "A very fine bottle that Sirius destroyed all by himself."

"He drank the _whole thing_?" Lily couldn't help it. Her jaw dropped. "Why, for goodness' sake?"

"Because it was there," Sirius said.

"Because he'd just run away from home," James mumbled at the same time.

"Because he's an idiot," Remus finished.

"An _entire bottle_?" Lily still couldn't believe. "I can't even hold a little bit of that stuff…"

James raised his eyebrows. "Do you get tipsy easily, Lily?" He leaned forward, cradling the bottle between his hands.

Suddenly uncomfortable under his scrutiny, Lily squirmed a little in her seat. "I'm… Yes, yes I do."

James tilted his head back and laughed. Sirius and Remus joined him immediately, but Peter stared down into his bottle of Butterbeer.

"That is a fact I shall have to remember," James teased, and drank a swallow.

"I get tipsy really easily too, Lily," Peter said tentatively.

"No, you don't," Remus said promptly. "You get tipsy on grape juice. That's another thing entirely."

Sirius snickered. Peter flushed.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of. Leave him alone, Sirius, Remus." Looking down at her bottle, Lily was amazed that she had already drunk half of it. Perhaps that was the reason why the words didn't sound quite right.

"Hey, slow down there, Lily," Remus suggested concernedly. "That stuff can get to anyone if you drink it fast enough."

"To be quite honest, I wasn't aware I was drinking it that fast," Lily said, and took a slower sip of the beverage.

James polished off the last of his bottle. "Sirius, mate, don't you think you should get a bag or something to throw this trash away?"

Sirius blinked. "Hey, why am I on 'go get it' duty tonight?"

"Because you, my friend," Remus said, and wiped his mouth off with the back of his sleeve, "most obviously have the most energy tonight."

"Speaking of energy," Lily said, "how are you feeling, Remus?"

He smiled. "About as well as can be expected. The full moon's coming up on the 27th."

"I know," Lily whispered. "Are you… are you lot going to do things the way you've been… you know, doing them?"

James shrugged. "That's the plan. Extra precautions will have to be taken, of course, since Snape seems hell-bent on wreaking revenge on me."

"You're going to be careful, right? Every one of you?"

Remus smiled. "You don't have to worry about us. We've got the routine down, and as long as nothing unexpected happens, it should go off without a hitch."

Sirius squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. "It's nice of you to worry, Lily, but Prongs knows what he's doing."

"I… I wasn't…"

James shot Sirius a look that would have frightened a lesser man. "Leave it, Sirius."

"Where were you lot, anyway?"

"Serving detention," James said and laughed.

"Why is that funny?" Lily asked, intrigued despite herself.

"It's funny, because this time we weren't the actual culprits," Remus said, his supreme sense of irony making it impossible not to see the humor in the situation.

"We had to polish trophies for like… four and a half hours," Sirius said dramatically.

"He gets emotional after about two bottles," Remus said aside to Lily.

"I do not! Stop spreading lies about me," Sirius mocked. "I'm not getting emotional here."

"Right," Remus said, managing to sound serious and sarcastic at the same time.

Quickly, Lily looked down at her bottle. It was completely empty. "Well, it was lovely spending the evening with you blokes, but I've got to turn in." She stood, and James, Sirius, Remus and Peter all stood with her.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," James said. "We can continue this as a private party up in the dormitory, gentlemen."

As if that were a private cue, Remus, Sirius and Peter all filed out, leaving James and Lily standing alone in the common room together.

"Well, good night, then," Lily said, turning away. James' hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Thank you, Lily."

"For what?"

"For whatever you did to Remus and Sirius. It makes life… more bearable."

Biting her lower lip, Lily turned around to face him. "You're very welcome."

James smiled… not the grin he treated the public to, but something more private and intimate. She felt a warm glow spreading up from her stomach out towards her very fingertips.

"You're really quite an amazing girl, Lily."

A fierce blush crept over her face. "Thank you, James, but you didn't have to say that."

"That's right. I didn't. But it's the truth, and I firmly believe in telling the truth."

Lily nodded.

"Were you really worried about me?" James asked, after a moment's pause.

"I was worried about all of you," Lily said, but then she, too, smiled. "But I was worried about you especially, James."

"Wow. That's… that's amazing," James muttered. "You really were?"

"I really was," Lily said, laughing quietly. "Why is that so difficult to believe?"

"Because you've disliked me since first year."

Lily shook her head. "People can change their opinion, James. We're not eleven years old, anymore."

"We aren't, are we?" For some reason, James' voice seemed almost sad. "Things seemed a bit simpler back then, didn't they?"

"That's just because you're looking at it with a sense of nostalgia," Lily disagreed. "To an eleven-year-old, the world is very complicated, indeed."

"Strange how that's not how I remember it," James teased.

"Maybe it wasn't for you," Lily mused aloud. "You certainly seemed like you had everything under control."

"Of course I did," James said cockily. "I was the heir to the Potter family name, arriving at Hogwarts for the first time. I was destined to rule the school."

Lily chuckled. "Maybe you were." There was a silence, while each of them struggled to think of something to say that wouldn't destroy the mood. Suddenly, in a move more bold than any she could have imagined herself doing before, Lily reached up on tiptoe and kissed James's cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Quickly, she turned around and headed up the stairs to her dormitory, not willing to face James. For a while there was no sound behind her, and then she heard the sound of feet pounding.

"Lily! Wait!"

She turned around, praying she wasn't blushing from head to toe.

"Good night to you, too."

Peter felt like a criminal, sneaking out later that night. He made the Transfiguration from human to rat as soundlessly as he could and climbed down from his bed. This was something he had to do by himself, though. He didn't want James or Sirius or even Remus to follow him to his final destination.

He was certain his friends had noticed his particularly odd behavior over the last week, as he had been even more jumpy than usual. The journey from his bedroom to the Astronomy Tower would have taken an extraordinarily long time, had he chosen to make the journey as rat. However, as soon as he was out of the Gryffindor Tower, he returned to human form.

When he came, at last, to the door that led to the Astronomy Tower, and he paused, taking a deep breath.

Pushing open the door, he was astounded at what he saw. There was not just three young boys in the room, but rather a large group of them.

With all the gracefulness he was capable of, Carmen rose from where he'd been sitting with his leg crossed.

"Greetings, Peter Pettigrew. Welcome to the gathering of the Hogwarts Death Eaters. We are very… pleased that you've come."

Gulping, Peter took a step back. "I'm not so sure I am."

"What is that supposed to mean, Pettigrew? I think we're going to have a very, very fine time."

A/N: Firstly, I must apologize for not updating in a very long time. If I go a month without updating again, you have my permission to whack me over the head. Thanks to Anne and Daily Prophet Reporting for their unique perspectives, grand grammar advice and extreme devotion to this project.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

Very suddenly, Peter wished that he had at least been competent in some of his Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, wished that James or Sirius had come with him, wished that he had the guts to admit that he might need help.

"I don't really think I'm in the mood to have fun, gentlemen," he admitted, taking slow steps backward towards the door. "At least, not this kind of fun."

"See, blokes, it's like I told you," one of the younger Slytherin students said. "He's too much of a coward to play with the big boys."

"It's not that!" Peter protested, his courage being a sensitive subject with him. "It's just that I don't agree with this kind of magic."

"You mean Dark Magic?" another of the participants sneered, his face so distorted by the flickering light that Peter couldn't tell who he was. "Can't handle it, Pettigrew?"

"No!" Peter shouted. "I just don't like to play with things that I don't understand."

"Of course not," Cameron soothed, taking the few steps forward to reach Peter's side, and touching his palm to Peter's left forearm. Chills ran up and down Peter's spine. "Pettigrew isn't quite sure what's happening here, gentlemen. Perhaps someone should tell him of the Great Myth."

Nods and whispers of agreement passed throughout the entire room. "I say Nielson does it," Cameron suggested.

A very tall gaunt-looking boy stepped forward into the semi-circle formed by the group of Slytherin students.

"All of your life, you have been fed a lie," he began, his voice soft and persuading, like a lover's fingers stroking the skin of the objection of his affection. Many of the members of the group leaned back, their bodies visibly reacting to the timbre of his voice. "You have been told that there are two categories into which every action, every belief and every magic must fall. The good and evil, or, if you wish to be even more quaint, the Light and the Dark."

"It's not a lie!" Peter protested, but found that at the very first sound of protest, two burly young men stepped up to grip his arms, making it impossible for him to move. Still struggling, he shook his head desperately. "If _that's_ a lie, then none of the principles of magic work."

"Have you been listening to Potter and Black when they talk about magical theory?" Nielson asked, his voice practically dripping with disdain. "Of course you have. You worship the ground they walk on. How could I have forgotten such a sad and dismal fact? Well, then, since you've proven yourself an adept listener, let's test your comprehension skills. Why wouldn't the principles of magic not work, if the thing I just suggested were, indeed, true?"

Desperately, Peter tried to recall the conversation. He knew that it had taken place during one of their attempts to become Animagi. James and Sirius had gone on and gone about intent, and drawing on magical sources, and bunches of other mumbo-jumbo he hadn't been able to understand. Frustrated, Peter ground his teeth together.

"Can't come up with an answer, can you?"

Peter growled low in his throat. "No, but that's only because I can't remember. It has something to do with magical intent."

"Ah, so you've been fed that story, have you?" Nielson chuckled and rubbed his hands together. "This will be easier than I had previously anticipated.

"Magic cannot be termed Dark or Light, because no matter what the intent, a witch or wizard draws on the same bank of magical 'energy'. Therefore, magic is innately neutral. It belongs to neither side."

"It's not the magic, then, it's the person casting the spell!" Peter shouted out, his arms in serious pain from the grip of the two men holding him.

"Who are you to label a person as good or evil? Are you such a Divine Presence that you can see into the hearts and minds of other people and judge them such?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying."

"Perhaps you should _think_, then, before you open your mouth. That would serve you well, Peter Pettigrew. Do you wonder why so many people think so little of you?"

"I have friends," Peter protested, albeit weakly.

"Please," Nielson taunted. "Those aren't friends. Those are magnets. Peter, Peter, Peter, we're trying to get you to think for _yourself._ I was much like you, myself, until I encountered Lord Voldemort."

When he said the name, his face lit up with a smile so intense it was hard to look at him, while Peter visibly winced. "He told me that all my years in school were due to my confusion over Dark and Light… that to be truly powerful, you had to be willing to use both 'kinds' of magic, and since the distinctions were useless, anyway, I wasn't doing anything wrong.

"Imagine, Peter, the _joy_ you could feel, when you finally accomplish what your friends have been doing all these years. Casting spells without laboring like you were running a five-mile race, being able to get things right the first time, with little to no explanation. It could all be yours, if you would just listen to what we have to say."

Everything within Peter fought against what Nielson was telling him, but there was a small part in the back of his mind that whispered to him that maybe what Nielson was saying had some grain of truth to it.

"I don't want to have anything to do with you, or your _Dark_ Lord," Peter hissed, the grip on his arms growing more and more tight with every passing minute. "Let me go. I don't…."

Unable to finish his sentence, because each of his guards had begun to twist his arm in an excruciating manner, Peter just bit his lip and began to pray for someone, anyone, to rescue him.

Something was not right. James sat up in the middle of the room and began to listen to the sounds of the night. Sirius was still snoring. Remus kicked his comforters off in reaction to something he saw in a dream, and Peter… was not there!

Launching himself out of bed, James immediately pulled on a pair of trousers and a sweater and set out for Lily's room. Peter wouldn't leave the dormitory by himself without a motivation, and James had a feeling that his motivation was one that would cause trouble.

So, barefoot, hair uncombed, and eyes wide, he knocked four times on the door to Lily's room at one o'clock in the morning, a unique privilege allowed to him because he was the Head Boy.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he muttered to himself, but he had another feeling he was going to need the help of another authority figure with this one.

The door flung open, and Lily stood in the middle of the doorway, wearing a long sleeveless nightdress, dressing gown and slippers. With her hair in a ponytail, and her eyes not quite open, she looked less than pleased to see James at her door.

"What do you _want_ at this hour of the night? What can you possibly _need_?"

"Help," James said simply. That caught her attention, and everything her stilled.

"What's going on?"

"Peter's not in the dormitory. I know he wouldn't leave voluntarily without a good reason, and I think that this time, his good reason may not be so good."

"Great," Lily whispered. "How are we supposed to find him?"

James thought a moment. The Marauders Map worked, but there was no way to disguise its nature from Lily. James mentally kicked himself. He could have just checked the map in the first place and called upon Remus and Sirius to help him. It was too late now, however, and he had already woken Lily up. Later on he would have time to ponder his choice. However, all his instincts told him that this was not the time hesitate over helping his friend.

"I'll explain on the way."

Nodding, although she was still a bit confused and overwhelmed by his sense of urgency, Lily did as he asked and followed him down the stairs toward the common room.

"We've got a map of Hogwarts," he explained hastily. "Itshows where everything, and more importantly every_one_, is on Hogwarts school grounds."

"James! That's a bit like… spying."

"Yes. It would be a good espionage tool, but--" James pulled the portrait door open and gestured for her to leave before him "-- we designed it before the beginning of the war. Now we've got to find a way to hide it so that no one except those that know the password can get into it. Unfortunately, none of the security spells we've found so far have been secure enough for us to sleep well at night."

"I see," Lily muttered. "Why not just destroy the map, then?"

James looked at her, a shocked expression on his face. "If it can be used against Hogwarts, it can be used just as well _for_ Hogwarts."

Lily nodded. That statement made exceptional sense, but then again, she'd just been awakened in the middle of the night and her brain wasn't quite functioning at full force yet.

James pulled the map out of his pocket and perused it quickly. What he saw gave him an even greater cause for alarm than any feeling he had felt previously. "Come on, Peter's in the Astrology Tower with a bunch of Slytherins. This can't be good. In fact --" he consulted the map again " -- I think we might be headed for a bit more trouble than we originally planned for."

"Oh?" Lily asked, wishing that James would stop being so cryptic and just come right out with what he meant.

"I might be wrong, I mean, I don't have a lot of experience in this area, but judging from the way they're set up on the map, they may be enacting a dark circle."

"Merlin," Lily breathed. "How does one deal with that?"

James smiled. "Very, very carefully."

That drew a reluctant laugh from Lily, but only a short one. "Why would Peter be in the Astrology Tower this late at night with people he can't even get along with?" Lily wondered out loud. "Can I see that map?"

"Of course, if you can read it and keep up with me. I've got a bad feeling about this one," James admitted. What James didn't admit was that if they didn't hurry, he was very concerned that the young Slytherin students might try to exercise an Unforgivable Curse, and then Lily and James would really be out of their league.

"Yes, well, _I've_ got a feeling it's nothing we can't take of care of together."

James laughed and handed her the map. "You're confident."

"Hey, we've already stopped a group of adult Death Eaters. This can't be that bad," Lily said, though her voice trembled. "There certainly are a lot of them in there, though."

"Agreed. I don't know what Peter was thinking. I'm wondering if it was his choice to go to the Astronomy Tower tonight at all," James said.

"What? There's no way the Slytherins could break into the common room. It's practically impenetrable from any direction. They wouldn't be able to get through the Fat Lady, and going up the side of the tower is impractical with all the vines, not to mention that the windows would be entirely too small for someone of even a petite build to get through."

"That's a little bit obvious," James admitted. "Think about it, though. There are other ways of getting people to do things. You don't have to come in and kidnap them. Believe me, I know from experience. Peter is very easily manipulated. I don't really think they'd even need magic to convince him he was doing the brave thing by coming out to this meeting of… whatever it is."

Lily shook her head. "Poor Peter. He doesn't deserve anything bad like this to happen to him."

James turned and looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "If people always got what they deserved, that would make the world strangely… fair, wouldn't it?"

Nervously laughing, Lily said, "If there is one thing the world is not, it's fair."

"Indeed," James said, and through open the door that led to the Astronomy Tower. "We'd better forsake manners here and let me go first up the stairs."

"Why? Is it because I'm a girl? Do you think I can't handle it if they start hitting me with curses and spells and hexes?" Lily demanded, her cheeks suddenly red with fury.

James shrugged. "I just remembered that you don't do so well with heights." At the look of consternation on her face, he hurriedly pressed forward, "and I'm a quicker draw than you."

Resigned to that inevitable fact, Lily sighed. "All right. But if they hit you with something nasty, don't fall down on me, okay?"

James grinned. "Charming, as always, Miss Evans."

"I try my best, Mr. Potter."

"All right, then, here goes nothing." Taking a deep breath, James stepped up and through to the Astronomy Tower.

What he saw shocked him only momentarily. Peter was being held firmly by the arms by two burly young Slytherin men, who happened to be Beaters for Slytherin's Quidditch team. Furious, James adapted a strong stance, wand drawn.

"All right, you lot," he said, his voice breaking through Peter's whimpering. "Everybody put their wands down."

"Put yours down first, Potter," one of them shouted.

"I don't think so," Lily responded evenly, standing just slightly behind James. "That's not how the game works, gentlemen."

James was inwardly seething. "You've got a lot of nerve, Nielson, setting up a dark circle on _Hogwarts grounds._ This isn't just a little playtime fun, is it?"

"You're playing with things you don't understand, Potter," Nielson replied evenly, keeping his wand parallel to the ground, not wavering like some of the other people in the room were.

James smirked. "I'm more familiar with what you're dealing with than you are, I suspect. Do you realize that Dark Magic causes a degenerative affect on your body? Every time you cast a spell with intent to harm someone else, there is a direct and equal effect on your body. 'What goes around comes around' in its most poetic application, so to speak."

"Lies," Nielson responded evenly. "There are no distinctions between the Magics."

"Oh, really? Who told you that?" Lily asked, a feeling desperation rising up from the pit of her stomach.

"Lord Voldemort," Nielson replied nonchalantly, as though admitting he had met with a wizard who was literally creating a rebellion was not treason to the Crown.

"Is that so?" James asked, entirely too calmly for Lily's own peace of mind. "Tell me then, Mr. Nielson, have you ever seen Voldemort's face?"

"It's Lord Voldemort, and…." His voice trailing off, Nielson struggled to recall a time when he had.

"Let me save you the suspense. This _Voldemort_ hasn't shown you his face because it is slowly rotting off the bones of his facial structure, most likely. Someone has been lying to you, Nielson, and it wasn't your parents, or the administration of this school, and it certainly wasn't me. Who does that leave, then?" As he finished, James silently thanked his absent parents for their lectures on the evils of using Dark Magic.

"Lord Voldemort said you would try to turn me against you. I must be strong."

"No, you must be logical," Lily interjected. "For Merlin's sake, can't you see what's going on here? Voldemort is the ultimate bully. He preyed on your weaknesses, convinced you that he alone can solve all your problems."

"He's not solving my problems. I'm solving my problems," Nielson responded, a note of desperation in his voice. "He's just giving me the tools to do it on my terms."

"Did you plan to go 'round hexing everyone who had ever insulted you?" James scoffed. "That's impracticable and highly conspicuous, I might add."

"James," Lily rebuked softly. "Come on, Nielson, let Peter go. He hasn't done anything to you, has he? You're just providing them with another victim."

"That's right, I am. When he's the victim, I'm not."

Slowly, James took a step towards Nielson and motioned for Lily to stay where she was to distract Nielson.

"You don't have to be the victim if you don't want to be," Lily soothed, praying in her head that Nielson wouldn't go off half-cocked and hurt James. "You can stand up to everyone that's ever hurt you without the benefit of Dark Magic."

"No, I can't." Nielson was so wrapped up in his own dialogue he didn't notice James's methodical and patient approach, but Peter did. He gave a silent cheer and thanked the Higher Power for James's cunning.

"Put the wand down," Lily suggested calmly, intending this to be one last warning before James had to physically and magically subdue him.

"No," Nielson said, just as vehemently as he had previously, only now his wand _was _shaking with intense emotion. "You can't take it away from me. It's my right. _I'm_ a pureblood. I deserve this!"

"_Expelliarmus! Petrificus Totalus!_" Unfortunately for Nielson, James was a very quick draw with his wand. With a quick flick of his wand and a few words, James had dispatched Nielson in a matter of moments. It was at that very second that the rest of the crowd, who had been silent and still, observing the confrontation between their leader and their Head Boy, began to panic.

They moved in a mob towards the door, but were stopped instantly by James and Lily, standing shoulder to shoulder, wands drawn.

"Put your wands on the floor and form a line," Lily instructed, and as soon as her orders were obeyed, James gathered them up while Lily watched the crowd warily. It made her heart ache that she couldn't trust her fellow schoolmates anymore, but something had told her that this was what the war was going to do to the wizard society that she loved so much.

Peter was released immediately, and while James and Lily organized the Slytherins to face punishment, he stood off to the side, feeling very pitiful and very alone.

As the line headed off for Dumbledore's office, James gripped Peter's shoulders and flashed him a smile. "Good show, old boy. You didn't give in to them. You know, nobody really gives you enough credit around here. It takes a talented wizard to hold out from all that mind numbing idiocy that Nielson character was spitting at you."

"Really?" Unexpected and unwanted tears flowed to his eyes, but Peter refused to allow them to fall. "I'm sorry you had to come rescue me."

"It's only what you would have done for me in the same circumstances. Besides which, nobody expects to be able to successfully fight thirteen other students and come away alive," James said staunchly, and walked off, trailing the end of the line with his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the Slytherins.

But that was the problem, Peter thought to himself. He would certainly want to rescue James in a situation like he had just endured, but he wouldn't be able to do so. He didn't have the power, or the talent. A strange resolve passed over Peter, then. He was going to become just as talented, just as powerful as James and Sirius could ever hope to be, if not more so!

_End Chapter_

I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who left so many kind and considerate words for me following the last chapter. It's always nice of everyone to let me know that you're reading and enjoying my fic. It certainly makes all the work and effort worth the while.

Super, huge, humungous, gargantuan thanks go out to Anne and DPR for their fantabulous beta'ing jobs, especially Anne, for making sure the little details didn't throw out the suspension of reality. I want to thank Carissa, for confronting me about Peter and making me explain myself, and super huge thanks go out to Amy, for caring enough to read what I write.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

Regulus Black watched it all happen from the corner he'd chosen, well away from the action. It wasn't as though Sirius had inherited all the brains in the family, after all. He had been smart enough to realize that something serious was going to happen that night, and as such, he had lain low during the "bust".

Now from a safe distance he watched the long line of his housemates making their way down to Dumbledore's office, shrunken and beaten. Regulus sneered at the look on James's face -- one he perceived as smug and arrogant. The Gryffindors hadn't won yet, despite the fact that they thought their Muggle-loving doctrines and useless ideologies would be an advantage to them.

Punishment would be swift for his fellow Slytherins, but he shrugged it off. If they weren't smart enough to avoid capture, it wasn't any business of his. Besides, anyone willing to follow that lunatic that the young "junior Death Eaters" had placed in charge of themselves wasn't worth _his_ time, anyway.

Navigating the hallways and corridors almost soundlessly was a natural talent of Regulus's that he had inherited from a long family history of sneaks and cheats, so he watched the progress of the procession down the hallway from a strategic place of observation.

It wasn't really all that hard to follow them anyway, he thought to himself. They made enough noise to wake the dead, all marching along almost in step. In spite of that, following at a safe distance behind the group, he could catch faint bits of the conversation between Lily and James.

"…Remus and Sirius should be here any minute… wake up at any little noise…"

"…is this a good idea? How can we get them… without any trouble?"

"…scared stiff… won't risk a rebellion now."

Then there was a long pause. So long, in fact, that Regulus had almost decided that they'd already gone into Dumbledore's office, and he'd begun to take tiny steps forward until he realized that he was now close enough to hear everything the two Gryffindors were saying.

"I hear something," James whispered to Lily. "It sounds like a rat is crawling around somewhere."

Regulus froze. Surely James couldn't have heard him. He'd been extra careful not to make a sound that a normal person would catch. Then again, perhaps Regulus had made a gross mistake in miscalculating James's intelligence and canny nature.

"Are you sure you're not just hearing things?" Lily whispered back. "I don't hear a thing."

James shook his head. "No, a normal corridor creaks. Sometimes it moans, especially with the weight of all these students. It certainly does not" -- he searched for the right word – "scratch."

Lily opened her mouth in protest and then, apparently deciding that hallway noises were not her area of expertise, closed it.

Cautiously, James drew a piece of parchment out of his pocket. Regulus leaned forward from around the corner he'd been using as cover. Lily and James were peering at the parchment intently. He saw James draw a finger to his mouth.

"Complete silence, if you please," he said to the line of students, infuriating Regulus. A hush fell over the group, which only irritated the lone Slytherin even more. Members of his own House were taking orders from a _boy_, of all things.

Lost in the whirlwind of his own thoughts, Regulus had not been paying attention to his surroundings as closely as he had thought.

"Well, well," a voice drawled behind him, familiar and sarcastic. "Hello, little brother."

Regulus spun around and faced the speaker, openmouthed. "S-s-s-s-sirius."

"That's my name. Let's try to avoid wearing it out," Sirius responded with none of his usual gaiety. "I'm hoping that you can give me a very good explanation for this."

"I don't owe you anything," Regulus snapped back, and recoiled as Remus stepped out of the shadows, a slightly bemused smile on his face. His own brother had him cornered, with no option of escape.

"Of course not," Remus agreed, "but I think it might be in your best interest to give a rather complete account of what happened here, don't you?"

Hating every moment of this informal inquiry, Regulus shook his head, swallowed hard, and gritted his teeth. He had neither the strength nor the talent to challenge either of these two, let alone them both together. "Yes, of course."

The sound of footsteps diverted everyone's attention from the conflict between the boys, and almost as one, the Slytherins turned to face the source of the noise.

A very tired-looking Albus Dumbledore and an agitated Minerva McGonagall stood in the corridor, examining the long line of junior Death Eaters.

There was a pregnant pause where no one dared to move, lest they draw the attention, or worse yet, the wrath of the wizard who had their very fate in his hands.

"I do not think," Professor Dumbledore said very slowly, as though drawing the words out of a deep well from within his mind, "that I need to state how very disappointed I am in all of you. However, we all make mistakes, and there are those among you, I am sure, who are relatively innocent of any charges we might press against you.

"However, this might bear as a reminder to those of you who need it that the company we keep often defines who we are. It would be best to wisely consider that before you decide to meet as a group like this on Hogwarts school premises, anywhere else at all, for that matter."

Regulus saw his brother pale at the words of his headmaster and noted the curiosity in his clever brain. Perhaps this would serve as useful information if he really wanted to climb in the ranks of those of his class joining the noble war against the filthy Muggles and Mudbloods who increasingly enrolled in Hogwarts every year.

The purification of the wizarding society was a call of duty far and above that of loyalty to his brother.

However painful a duty that might be.

Almost a full ten hours later, Sirius was lying on the hearthrug, basking in the heat of the fire while he simultaneously sulked.

"I had thought there would be some hope for him. He seemed reasonable, damn it," he muttered under his breath over and over again as he stared into space.

Finally losing her patience, Lily set down her Transfiguration book which she had been pretending to study. "Well, if you don't mind, I've got a few questions I'd like answered."

Sirius, Remus, Peter and James shared a glance with each other that spoke volumes.

"If they're the kind of questions I'm thinking, then we'd better take a walk," Remus said, and they all rose, grabbing cloaks and hats.

"Just a quick one, though," Lily said hurriedly, trying to catch up with the boys and hastily slipping on her cloak, which James held out for her. "We don't want to be caught after-hours."

Turning towards her with a smirk on his face, James simply raised an eyebrow at her.

"Okay, so _I_ wouldn't want to be caught after-hours."

Sirius chuckled. "All right then, you lot, let's get moving so that Lily won't have to suffer a guilty conscience."

"What's that?" Peter inquired lightly, a teasing grin on his face.

"A serious mental condition brought on by a disease called _rules._"

Peter shuddered. "Please. Let's not speak of that. This is a school with younger children around, Sirius."

Instantly, Sirius donned a contrite look. "I'm terribly sorry, mate. I wasn't thinking. Younger minds are corruptible and all that rubbish, right?"

"Indeed," Remus drawled sarcastically. "And _some_ of those minds never grow out of that."

That brought a damper on the previously jovial mood of the group, and as they left the school buildings, Lily shuddered at the blast of cooler air that met her.

"Cold?" James asked her under his breath.

"No, I'm fine," she responded automatically and shook herself. Then, noticing no one was paying attention to them, she added, "Thanks for asking, though."

James nodded, and a small, very real smile came across his face that nearly took Lily's breath away. The look in his eyes as he turned to her stopped her heart. "You're certainly more than welcome."

"Ahem," Sirius said as he cleared his throat. "You had some questions?"

Blushing, Lily shook her head to clear her mind. "Oh, yes I did, didn't I?"

Remus smiled so hard that the corners of his eyes crinkled. "That's what you said, at any rate."

"Sorry," she mumbled, "it's a little bit difficult to think right now, is all."

"What was that?" Sirius asked, leaning forward so that his ear was next to her mouth. If it was possible, she would have turned an even brighter shade of red.

"I said I must be tired," Lily said, enunciating every word carefully, and then turning away quickly.

Nodding sagely, Sirius agreed. "I don't know what we were thinking, asking you out here when you're not used to the hours we normally keep."

"You mean to tell me that you all are normally awake sixteen hours out of every day?"

Remus shrugged. "It depends," he said vaguely, and looked away, unconsciously checking the phase of the moon.

Lily touched his shoulder lightly. "I understand. Now, my only other question is this. How did you two find James and me this morning?"

James chuckled. "Exactly. Or rather, what took you so long?"

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Peter demanded, stuffing his hands in his pockets and trying not to think about how very _cold_ he was getting. A wave of resentment rose up in him. Really! After all he'd been through that day wandering around outside in the frigid evening air was a little bit more than he thought he have to deal with, but he quashed it until he could be alone with his misery. That way no one could poke or prod him out of it.

"He thinks he can sneak away at night without our knowing about it, that's what's funny," Sirius said. "We knew he was leaving, of course."

"The more pressing question was where was he going?" Remus continued.

"The answer to which James quickly provided. At first, we assumed that he was headed to the headmaster's office to discuss some pressing Head Boy issue or the other…"

"…Which would have been none of your business," James interjected.

"On the contrary, it is our duty as Marauders to be well-informed of everything that goes on here on Hogwarts grounds. Apparently we've been failing miserably for quite some time," Sirius countered.

Careful to avoid the obviously new, and very tender subject of Regulus, Remus got the conversation back on track. "Anyway, as soon as it became apparent that James here was not headed for an office of some sort, a closer investigation became necessary, particularly when we secured the knowledge that Peter was also missing."

"Imagine our surprise, old mate, when we discovered that you had, instead of confiding in us, your old friends and comrades, turned to a _girl_ in a potentially dangerous situation," Sirius teased, his eyes sparkling.

"Why didn't you two let me know that you were following us?" James demanded.

"We weren't exactly following," Remus said with a sigh. "It took us long enough to get organized that by the time we would have been able to offer assistance, it would have been fairly useless."

"After a brief, erm, discussion, we decided to get ahead of the game and get help from the most competent people we could think of: Dumbledore and McGonagall. We determined that, after you had shut down the meeting, you would need help in controlling our fellow students."

"It wasn't a discussion," Remus muttered. "It was a full-blown argument, which _I_ won."

Sirius looked over at Remus and squinted as though he had never seen him before. "Somehow I don't recall it that way."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"We're very grateful to you," Lily said, surprising them both with a genuine smile that lit up her eyes and dimpled her cheeks. "It helped immensely. I had just begun to panic. I had no idea what to do with all those… I guess you could call them prisoners."

Remus shrugged. "You would have figured something out. You're both pretty intelligent people, as you've proved time and time again."

Lily blushed. "Thank you very much, Remus."

A benign smile crossed Remus's face. "It's only the truth."

A cold wind blew from across the lake, sending chills through all of the members of the party.

"I suggest that we move this inside," Sirius said, wrapping his cloak even more tightly around his body. "It's getting too cold out here for my blood."

Remus nodded. "Sounds like a fantastic idea to me."

Lily shrugged. "I don't think I have any more questions to ask, anyway."

"Well, then, if we're going to move inside, let's move inside quickly. If we get the blood moving faster in our veins we'll get warmer," James suggested.

"Makes reasonable sense to me," Peter said, and set off at a brisk walk, letting the others fall in behind him.

After a few minutes, all Lily could concentrate on was the feeling of blood as it warmed her face and hands and the beat of her own heart, as well as the light presence of James's hand on the small of her back, guiding her.

Something in the back of her mind told her that she should say something to him. She hadn't granted him permission to touch her, and they certainly weren't seeing each other.

It was the gentleness in his touch that stopped her, though. He touched her in a way she hadn't been touched since the death of her parents. He was simply guiding her through the path while she was too tired and distracted to do it herself.

It meant nothing more than that. Surely it meant nothing more than that.

"I'd give a Galleon for your thoughts," James whispered to her as soon as they were far enough away that the other Marauders couldn't hear them.

"That much, eh?"

"I'm quite positive that they're worth it," he teased, and noted that she was slowing the pace a little bit.

Biting her lip, Lily decided to throw caution to the wind. "I've decided that I like it when we're, you know, _close_ like this."

James laughed. "I'm glad you decided that, because I like it too."

"Don't be condescending. I meant it," Lily protested.

"I wasn't being condescending. I meant what I said, too. There's something about you…." He trailed off and then stopped suddenly, effectively halting her too. His gloved finger brushed over her cheek. "I could look at you all day long. I spend hours just thinking about you. I like the way you look, I like the way you laugh, I like the way you move, and I love your smile."

With a self-deprecating smile, he shook his head. "I guess it would be a safe assessment to say that I more than enjoy times like this… I relish them."

Lily smiled. "That goes for me, too."

And then, as discreetly as they could manage, they joined hands and strolled back to the castle, letting the others fade off into the distance as they relished the time they had together, for even then, a dark feeling had begun to sink over them. Lily and James were beginning to realize that a great wave was headed their way, and they were either going to have swim against the current or be sucked under by a very dangerous undertow.

A/N: I learned a lesson this month that I have learned before, but for some reason, must continue to relearn. In times of emotional crisis, it is to those whom we love that we turn and who turn to us in comfort and strength.

To everyone who has been a rock for me to stand on while I dealt with the most recent event to rock my perception of reality (and if you're one of them, you know what I mean), I thank you with every fiber of my being.

To my readers, I simply say 'thank you'. God (or whatever High Power you believe in) has blessed me with a fanbase of patient and caring readers, and I thank you all for not stopping reading this despite the long wait between the last update and this one.

If you've left a review for me, please know that I've read it and I take every word of praise to heart and carefully weigh all suggestions, so feel free to leave me a honest review. I promise, I won't delete it.

Thanks to Anne and DPR for being totally amazing people. Without them, these stories wouldn't be have so enjoyable.

If you're interested in a Yahoo! Group discussion fanbase for this and other LadyChi MWPP stories, leave a review to that effect and I will leave a link if I get enough interest in it.

Thank you, everyone, for giving me such an amazing opportunity to entertain you for a while, and please, enjoy the rest of the story.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Mr. and Mrs. Potter had bought the house in Godric's Hollow long before they had brought their one and only son into the world. In fact, it had been their very first purchase as a young couple newly married.

Of course, as time went on, they had bought other houses with the funds that came through Mr. Potter's family, a long and noble line of Gryffindors with a talent for making and investing money. However, the house at Godric's Hollow was still their favorite, despite all its failings.

Looking around, Amelia Potter could see quite a few of those failings from where she stood. For one thing, it didn't quite stand straight, tilting slightly to the right in a funny way that made her laugh every time she saw it. The foundation was cracking, she was sure, and the roof leaked. Yet, it was home.

"Harold, dear, are you awake yet?" she called up the stairs as she bustled around the kitchen, making the tea that would allow her to function normally for the rest of the morning.

"'Course, dear," he shouted back down, and promptly rolled over in his bed. Amelia was well aware of this because he did so every morning. It took about an hour to get her husband up and ready to go, and while it was frustrating from time to time, usually she enjoyed the few moments alone.

She was distracted momentarily from her musings by the pecking of an owl at her window. It was a rather noble-looking bird that blinked at her through sun-dazed eyes. Although Hogwarts owls could fly during the day, they much preferred the nighttime to do their courier work, and for good reason.

"There, there, dear," she muttered, opening the window quickly for it. "I've got a nice dark corner over there you can rest in for a moment with a perch and some water. I'll take that letter, if you please."

The owl gave a grateful-but-tired hoot and passed over the letter. Amelia couldn't hide her delight in seeing that the return address was that of her son.

"What was all that racket?" Harold shouted down, irritated.

"It's a letter from James!" Amelia couldn't contain herself. She ripped the envelope open with all the excitement of a young child at a birthday party.

"Well, don't go on reading it until I get down there," Harold shouted down, and she finally heard the distant thump of his feet hitting the floor.

"Make sure you put on your glasses, dear," she called up absently, pouring a mug of the now-ready tea.

Although she could hardly stand to do so, Amelia waited patiently while her husband fumbled his way down the stairs before she unfolded the letter.

"What does he say?" Harold asked, blinking rapidly through thick black-rimmed glasses.

"Well, dear, we'll know when we open it up."

"Get on with it, then," Harold said impatiently. "What are you waiting for?"

"Actually," Amelia muttered under her breath, "I was waiting for you to get yourself out of bed."

"I'm here now." Impatiently, Harold crossed the kitchen to the teapot and poured a rather generous mug of the hot black liquid, sighing with pleasure once the caffeine hit his system.

"All right then," Amelia said, and began to read from the parchment.

" 'Dearest Mum and Dad,

First of all, I am under strict orders from Sergeant Sirius himself to give you a cheery hello, and so I will do so here. Hello! Perhaps now I shall be able to avoid a fate worse than death.

Remus also sends you the best and says to say thanks to you, Mum, for the shipment of homemade biscuits. He really enjoyed them and is feeling much better.

Peter says to send you his regards as well and to thank you once again for the week over the summer. He had a wonderful time.

I know I haven't been able to write to you a lot, but I'm pretty sure that you both understand what a hectic year it's been. Being Head Boy is everything you said it would be, Dad, responsibility and duty and respectability, not necessarily the fun and games I had anticipated as a much younger boy.

The Head Girl this year is, as you well know, Lily Evans, who's turning out to be not so bad after all. Well, that's all the time I have for writing. Lily says we've got to write up timetables… or something Head-Boyish in nature.

_Your Loving Son,_

_James_

P.S. As I conclude my letter, Sirius begs me to let you know that a batch of biscuits for himself wouldn't go amiss, and Remus wants to assure you that his health _is_ improving and that he will keep you updated himself so that your weekly inquiries won't be necessary anymore.

P.P.S. Lily said to tell you 'hello', and that she's looking forward to meeting you. That's the end of it. I promise. No more endings.'"

Harold chuckled to himself. "Do you really think he's done it?"

"Done what?" Amelia asked, absent-mindedly tapping the paper against the kitchen counter.

"Got her to like him, of course."

"Don't be ridiculous," Amelia said, looking lovingly over her husband of more years than she cared to count. "It's James."

Harold smiled. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"He's exactly like you."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"Things might be a bit more complicated than James may be anticipating, but I've got a good feeling about this letter. It sounds like our boy has done a lot of growing up over the term so far."

"Indeed," Howard said, sipping his coffee again. "Well, I, for one, am looking forward to meeting this Lily lady."

"I am, too." Amelia crossed the kitchen to wrap her arms around her husband's slightly thickening waistband. "She sounds as though she's made quite an impression."

"Remind you of anyone you know?" Howard asked teasingly.

"Sounds like you in the throes of young love," Amelia responded promptly. "Give me credit, please. I figured it all out eventually."

"Did I turn out to be so awful?"

"Not really, no," Amelia whispered in a voice suddenly soft as she gazed at the parchment in her hands. "He's growing up, Harold."

Wordlessly, Harold opened his arms wide. "Come here, darling."

Quiet sobs racked her body, both prideful and sorrowful, as they did at least once every four or five letters they received from James.

"I'm sorry, Harold."

"I know, dear."

"It's just that he became so much more mature over the summer… and I've been wondering where my little boy has gone."

Harold smiled into his wife's hair, recalling a time when he couldn't have imagined having this conversation with her. "Remember when we couldn't wait for him to grow up and get out of our hair?"

In spite of herself, Amelia laughed. "I know, I know. I dreamed of the days when I would have nothing to do…. No fires to put out…."

"Nothing to un-Levitate," Harold put in, his belly shaking with the force of his mirth.

Amelia smiled, though her face was buried in her husband's shoulder. Stepping back a bit, she studied the face of the man she still loved after so many years together.

"Do you think we did a good job?"

Harold's smile turned rueful. "James is intelligent, quick, funny, and most of all, the boy's got a good heart. I'm not really certain whether that's any fault of ours or not, but we've certainly got a good young man on our hands."

Nodding, Amelia wiped her eyes. "Look at me. I'm a mess. All because I can't keep my own foolish fears in check."

Harold nodded as well, but he couldn't keep from thinking that in such times as these, when you were never sure who was a friend and who was an enemy, such fears were not so foolish at all.

It was, Lily decided, a most puzzling dilemma. What was she to do? The day after a full moon, James sat with his head on his desk, obviously asleep. A quick check of the time told her that to get to their next class on time they would have to hurry.

"James… James!" Lily sighed, reached over, and slapped her book down on James's desk. "JAMES!"

The combination of the crack of the book hitting the desk and the sound of Lily's voice piercing the air startled James. He jumped up with a yelp and grabbed his wand. "Who's there?"

Unable to contain it, Lily laughed so hard her eyes began to water and she struggled to catch her breath. "James… James…"

"What?" he asked irritably.

"James, you've slept through History of Magic."

"I have?" To Lily's surprise, genuine dismay colored his expression.

Lily nodded, her eyes still bright and her cheeks still red from her giggles. "You have. Don't worry, I took notes for you."

James groaned and then shrugged. "Thanks, Lily. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I just did." At the look on James's face, she laughed again and said, "I thought you deserved a bit of a nap, that's all."

"Well. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, if we don't hurry, we're going to be late to Transfiguration, and we don't want to miss Professor McGonagall's class. It's terribly hard to make up, and besides, Remus asked me to take notes for him."

"All right," James said, and they started off down the corridor, a strange sort of tense silence hanging in the air between them.

"James…." Lily started, and then stopped.

"What?"

"What exactly do you _do_ on nights when there's a full moon? I mean, what sort of things do you and Sirius and Remus and Peter…."

James smiled. "When we were younger, we did a lot of exploring, things of that nature. Now, most of the time we just… well, I don't know if there's a good word for it, but I guess the most accurate one is 'play'."

At the look on Lily's face, he smiled. "I know, it's confusing, but it's not really something I can discuss in the corridors of Hogwarts."

Feeling a bit rebuked, Lily's face fell. "Oh, I see."

Leaning over, James whispered in her ear, "I didn't mean to insult you. Ask me tonight when I take you for a walk."

"You're not taking me for a walk this evening," Lily snapped.

"I'm not?" James smiled, knowing just how to get her to see his side of things. "Well, then, I guess you'll never know."

In spite of herself, Lily smiled at James's clever manipulation of her emotions. "All right, you can take me for a walk tonight, but I thought I'd stop by the hospital wing and see Remus after class."

James shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure he would like that. I don't know how comfortable he is with you _knowing_ just yet."

"Well, he's going to have to get comfortable with it," Lily said confidently, "because I'll have his Transfiguration notes ready for him, and if I know Remus, he'll be just dying for something to do so that he won't look as miserable as he'll feel."

That was, James decided, a true enough statement. "Do you mind if I go with you then?"

Lily thought it over for a long moment. "I'm not sure if that's the best idea, James. He may be even more uncomfortable with both of us there. It's going to be awkward enough, this being my first time to see him after…"

James knew why she couldn't finish the sentence. Gently, he stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Lily, he's going to look sick like you've never seen him before, and he won't feel at all well, so he might say things he doesn't mean. I want to go with you."

"Why? So you can protect me from it all?"

A hard question like that deserved a well-thought out answer. "Maybe, Lily, but maybe I want to be there because I think you'll need me. Maybe you and Remus both will."

Lily tiled her head to the side, an expression she often adapted when she was thinking something over very carefully. "I don't know."

"How about this? We'll both go and visit him, and if it all looks fine after a few minutes, I'll leave."

Lily shrugged. "Sounds fair enough to me."

In spite of their best efforts, Lily and James were slightly late to Transfiguration, but Lily explained to Professor McGonagall that they'd had to confer about some Head Boy and Girl issues and had therefore been running a bit late. To James's surprise, she didn't blink once.

"You'd be fantastic at cards, you know," he whispered as they headed towards their seats. "That was bloody brilliant."

Lily smiled, and whispered back, "Thank you. Now, please be quiet or I'll burst into laughter the minute we get to our seats and McGonagall will know something's fishy."

They managed to make it through class without giving themselves away, and then they headed towards the hospital wing.

Thanks, everyone who read and reviewed! Your comments are greatly appreciated!

A great big "thank you" goes out to Anne, who reminds me that not everyone is as loud-mouthed as I am.

Huge hugs to KC Allen for double-checking this for me. I appreciate everything you do.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

Remus Lupin was doing a very good job of feeling sorry for himself, an indulgence he only allowed once or twice a month. Being a werewolf wouldn't be so bad, he thought with his healthy sense of humor, if only you didn't have to deal with all the _symptoms_ of the disease – like turning into a wolf, and all the stuff that happened before and after you transformed.

"Comfortable, dearie?" Poppy, as he'd come to think of her, asked. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

Remus shook his head mutely. For some reason his transformation had been particularly hard the night before, and he was trying to limit actually talking because his voice was still hoarse, and he was trying to limit movement, because everything ached.

"Well, at least drink the rest of that lemon tea I set out for you. You know what good it does for your voice."

Smiling, Remus nodded. He had never met a more caring soul than Poppy Pomfrey, who was now bustling around his bed, making sure his sheets were tucked in and checking his forehead for any sign of a fever, which would mean infection, and the possibility of serious complications.

"Do you want to roll over for a bit? It'll give you a new wall to look at," Poppy teasingly suggested. A tired laugh was the only answer she got, and she took that for a yes, gently rolling him on his side with as little fuss as possible. "There you go, dear. Well, I'm going to run off now and grab a cup of tea in the staff room, but if you need me, you know how to get hold of me."

There was a quiet knock on the door, and Remus closed his eyes, too tired to be interested in who it was that disturbed the silence of the hospital wing.

"Remus, you have visitors." Remus opened one eye and looked at Madam Pomfrey with a disbelieving expression.

"Who?" he croaked, wincing as the sound of his own voice echoed in his head.

"James Potter and Lily Evans. Do you want to see them?" Madam Pomfrey was leaving the choice up to him, which made his head hurt even worse.

Remus shrugged. "All right."

Lily walked in first, her face carefully arranged in a cheerful expression that fell only slightly when she saw what sort of shape he was in. James followed behind her, unconsciously protecting her with his hand on the small of her back. Lily, of course, was carrying a textbook and several pages of notes.

"Hello, Remus," Lily whispered to him, and Remus was instantly grateful. James had moved his hand from Lily's back and had stuck it in his pocket.

"'Ello." James paused for a moment and then smiled. "You look terrible."

Despite himself, Remus laughed. "I imagine that I do."

"Shush, James," Lily said sternly and directed her gaze to Remus. "Do you feel as awful as you look?"

It was harder to think about how badly your head hurt when you were laughing with your friends. Remus knew this from experience, but sometimes it was nice to put that lovely bit of knowledge to work.

"It's likely that I actually feel worse than I look," Remus answered, being careful to whisper.

"Well," Madam Pomfrey said as she headed towards the door, "I'm going to go get my tea. If he's looking too tired then you two need to leave."

"Yes, of course Madam Pomfrey," Lily answered, gracing Poppy with a brilliant smile. "We'll keep an eye on him while you're out."

As the door shut, Remus closed his eyes.

"Do you want us to leave now?"

Remus shook his head at Lily. "No, I like the company. It gives me something to think about other than…"

"Feeling sorry for yourself?" James suggested. "When I'm ill, that's my favorite pastime."

Lily laughed. "That's your favorite pastime whether you're ill or not."

"She's got you there," Remus teased, and then closed his eyes again as a wave of pain washed over him.

"Are you all right?" The note of concern in Lily's voice was almost unbearable.

"No, actually, I'm not. I'm a werewolf. 'All right' is not a state I can achieve right now." Even as he said it, Remus winced at the harsh tone of his voice.

Lily's eyes filled with tears, although anyone could see she was trying to hold them back. "I'm sorry, Remus. That was a stupid question."

James laid a hand on Lily's shoulder. "Listen, Remus, we can go if you're too tired for this."

Though he sounded like a concerned friend, there was definitely a note of warning in James's voice.

Remus swallowed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. This headache… It's killing me."

"Did Madam Pomfrey leave any potion for it?" Lily asked, her voice now carefully quiet, compassionate, and overly polite.

"The ruddy potion won't work," Remus said wearily. "Nothing works. Everything hurts today."

James nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets, instantly at ease. "Bloody awful transformation last night."

"That's a bit of an understatement." Without thinking, Remus started to move his head up so he could smile at James and cursed at the sharpness of the pain that assaulted him.

"James, why don't you go get Madam Pomfrey, please? He's in too much pain. There's got to be something she can do for him."

"All right. I'll bet I know where she is." After glancing at his friend one more time, he turned towards the door. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Hurry, James." That settled, Lily turned to Remus. "Can I get you a glass of water? Would that help?"

Remus sighed. "I don't know. I can't really think at the moment."

There was a long pause as Lily gazed around the room, seemingly aimlessly, but Remus could tell she was looking for something.

Suddenly, her eyes lit up. "Remus, what does your mother do when you're sick like this at home?"

Remus smiled and let his eyes drift shut. "She sits on the edge of my bed and hums this song…. I don't really know the name. It's about horses and waking up in the morning to find everything much better."

"Like a lullaby?"

"Exactly like. My mum's a terrific singer. At least, _I_ think so. When I was younger… before I was _this_, she used to sing me to sleep every night."

"My mum couldn't sing very well," Lily confessed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "She would try… she loved all the old songs from the golden age of jazz, you know. It was atrocious. If she opened her mouth, we would all run for the hills in horror, but it always got a good laugh. Mum was great at making people laugh."

Remus noticed the move, but didn't say anything. It was good to have another warm body on the bed with him. Somehow, he felt more relaxed, at ease. "Mum had a really hard time dealing with my… illness," he said after a beat. "She's a Muggle, you know. Every once in a while Dad will tell the story of how she found out he was a wizard…."

"How did she find out?" Lily asked, leaning forward on her elbow and gazing at him with pure fascination. "It seemed insane enough to my family when I got the letter from Hogwarts."

_Ah,_ Remus thought, _so this is how James feels whenever she gives her full attention to him – like his opinion is all that matters in the world._ "Well, the hardest thing to hide was the owl problem. You see, my dad works at an owl post office."

"Really?" Lily let out a delighted laugh. "I imagine that was a shock. What did your mum think he did before she knew what he was?"

"Well, she thought he worked with the Muggle post office. After all, that was what she did."

"However did they meet then?"

"They were at some sort of professional conference…. I don't know the details. All I really know is that Dad said he didn't find out a whole lot about the Muggle post he didn't already know, but he did find out a lot about my mum, and that was the important part."

"Perfect!" Lily exclaimed, mindful to keep her voice low. The sound of her voice washed over him like a soothing balm.

"Anyway, about the owls. Well, Mum and Dad seeing each other. They had planned to go out to dinner or something. It doesn't matter, and it changes almost every time Dad tells the story. All right, so they're at my dad's house, having a drink before supper, when this man Apparates in."

"Oh no! I imagine the sound of it scared your poor mother to death!"

"She tried to ignore it, of all things," Remus said in a conspiratorial whisper. "She thought she'd gone insane."

Lily broke into laughter again, wiping a tear away from her eye. "Oh, this isn't really all that funny. In fact, it's awful!"

"Of course, Dad thought she'd lost her mind when she didn't even acknowledge the presence of this man, but he decided to let it go, and he tried to get the man out of the room. It was one of his coworkers, or something."

"What happened next?"

"Well, at that point, Mum says she had decided never to see Dad again, and Dad says that he was certain he was going to have to escort her to the loony bin."

"Oh dear! It sounds tragic."

"It almost was," Remus said, semi-seriously. "Fortunately, fate stepped in. My father had been keeping these owls with all sorts of injuries and exhaustion in his attic, because they'd run out of room for them in the office and my father just doesn't have the heart to turn away anything or anyone who might need a home, which was part of the reason why he was the employee in charge of all these birds. Anyway, the man had come to see if they couldn't bring one of the older birds out of retirement for the shorter flights because they were swamped at work. Well, Dad hadn't told anyone that he was going out with a Muggle, and he never bothered to have wards put around his house because he was never home, so the man had just Apparated in. The noise disturbed the birds, who came flying down from the attic…."

"Oh no!" Lily was gasping for breath at the scene she was imagining.

"Mum didn't have any experience with the birds, so she started to swat them with a broomstick, which, of course, upset Dad…. Anyway, it was one big, bloody, awful mess."

Looking at his friend -- who had come to mean so much to him, who had stood by him, who didn't hate him -- Remus felt something he had been quite sure he would never allow himself to feel during his lifetime.

As the tears of mirth slid down her cheeks, Lily looked up to smile at Remus and quieted almost immediately.

"What is it?"

Remus looked away. "It's nothing. I just hope Madam Pomfrey gets here soon. My head really hurts."

"I'm sorry I was making all that noise."

"No, I enjoyed it, really I did."

Slowly, Lily dabbed at her cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt to dry the remaining moisture from them. "I was hoping we were at a point now where you felt you didn't have to lie to me to protect my feelings, Remus."

The tone of her voice, the expression on her face… it was all that of a sister to a younger brother, or maybe a mother to a disappointing son. How could he tell her what he really thought?

When he decided to speak, the words came slowly and painfully. "I was just thinking that I can see what James sees in you. You're really something, Lily Evans. Not everyone can get my mind off the pain, but for some reason, you can."

Lily's smile was brilliant and immediate, but her tenacious nature shone through. "Was that all you were thinking?"

"No," Remus admitted after a few moments of thought. "But there are some things that are better left unsaid. Especially now."

"What do you mean, 'especially now'?"

"I mean that the world is coming apart at the seams. At least, mine is. I mean that James has finally stopped acting like a prat, and you're finally seeing him for the great bloke he is and the great man he's going to be, and I _mean_," he continued, his voice getting more croaky with every word, "that there's just no reason for me to tell you that I think you're the most attractive girl I've ever seen, and I _mean_ that I wouldn't betray James in anyway, shape or form, and I _mean_ that some things just won't ever happen, and I _mean_ that I feel like shite."

As the last word slipped from his mouth, a tense, awkward, silence filled the space where all the world had come crashing down just moments before.

Lily's eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Remus. I didn't know you felt that way, or…."

"Or what? You would have avoided me? You would have figured out some way to make it _easier_ on me?" The sarcasm and condescension in his voice were scathingly sharp. "You would have pitied me? Tried to like me back?"

"No, Remus. Merlin, you make it all sound disgusting and wrong!"

Something inside Remus snapped. He had gone to far now to turn back. "That's because it _is_ disgusting and wrong, all right? I'm a werewolf. No _werewolf_ has lived long enough to reproduce. You want to have kids, Lily? You couldn't have them with me. No one can have them with me. You're my best mate's girl. You don't think so now? I've seen the way you two look at each other. Believe me, I've done a lot of looking. That's a sealed deal. It's stupid of me. Just let it go."

"Remus," Lily whispered, and reached down to touch his face. With eyes closed, he allowed. "When did we grow up? When did this all become so difficult?"

"It's not going to be difficult," Remus said, "if we both pretend it didn't happen. If you just forget what I said, then there won't be any difficulty at all."

"But I won't," Lily said, softly but firmly. "I _do_ love you, Remus. I love you, and I ache for your pain, and when you're sad… I can't help but be sad, too. To see you angry like this… you really have no idea. It's infuriating. I want to love you the way you want me to, but I can't."

"I know," Remus said, and he smiled in such a way that it broke Lily's heart. "Now it's out in the open and I can't take it back."

"No, you can't, but we can still be friends. I know that what you're feeling for me will pass, Remus. You'll find somebody that you would be willing to fight over, even with one of your best mates, and then I'll truly be happy for you."

During the next pause in the conversation, the door to the room swung open, and Madam Pomfrey walked in with James close behind her.

The matron took one look at the situation and opened her mouth. "I think it's safe to say that it's time for your visit to be over. Say good-bye, now."

"I'll see you soon," Lily said. "I left the notes on your nightstand for you."

Remus nodded, his eyes deadly calm. "See you soon." Deliberately, he closed his eyes, shutting out the world. Especially Lily and James.

_Tons_ of hugs, love and cookies go out to Carissa, Lizzie, Anne and KC for all the hard work they put into making this chapter what it is. Carissa and Lizzie assured me it wasn't crap (even if it wasn't what they thought was canonically true), and KC and Anne found all the stupid little grammatical errors that I make because I get into the zone.

Questions? Comments? Leave a review. I'll get back to you. Cross my heart.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

It was a good thing, Lily decided, that the common room was often abandoned at this late hour. She'd managed to get through the rest of that day with her sanity intact, but only by sheer determination. Later, she kept promising herself, she would find the time to be alone to sort it all out… or to break down — whichever the situation demanded.

As the shadows of midnight crept across the room and danced with the crackling fire, Lily sat on the window seat and looked out onto the dark Hogwarts grounds. During the day, it was a sight she enjoyed, a calming reminder that no matter what happened in the Muggle world, she always had a home at Hogwarts.

When there was enough light, she could see the Quidditch pitch looming in the distance. James would be flying in some preset pattern, yelling instructions to his teammates concerning a difficult play. If she listened really closely, she could hear James and then, after a little while, Sirius mouthing off to him. There was no mean-spiritedness there, just a comfortable amount of pleasure taken from making his best friend's life difficult. Remus would be there too, sitting in the bleachers with a book in his hand. Constant absences made it difficult for James to justify actually having him on the team, but Remus would make a point to be there for at least some of the practices, just to enjoy the sunshine and watch the action.

She could almost hear the noise of practice now. Grunts and shouts and loud cracks as Beaters hit Bludgers across the pitch with fantastic precision. Lily had always had a secret yearning to play Quidditch, but she felt in her heart of hearts that she would never be good enough.

Not good enough. That's what she felt right now. She didn't deserve to have all this unwanted… _attention_ thrown her way. She hadn't asked for either one of them, James or Remus, to look at her as anything other than a friend. Yet, here she was, forced to face the fact that both of them _did_ look at her that way. The question was, apparently, how did she feel about them?

Lily felt like cursing. Aloud. She knew some vile and filthy words. Hanging around James and his friends had taught her some really good ones. Though she would never develop their unique talent for profanity, she had a feeling that on this particular occasion, she might be able to hold her own. Perhaps it would do her some good to use them. Apparently that vented frustration for some people. As she was opening her mouth, she abruptly shut it. What if someone came in? They'd think she was crazy.

Crazy. Remus had to be crazy. There was no other word for it. There was nothing about her to attract him. She knew that. After all, she looked in the mirror every day, didn't she? Certainly she wasn't anywhere near pretty. If Remus were the type of boy to look beyond the exterior (which he was), he wouldn't find much else to like, either. She knew that sometimes she could be scathing, sarcastic and mean.

And James. Well, everyone just sort of took for granted that James was crazy, but she'd never honestly thought he was serious when he was trying to get her attention. She had just thought that he was bored and needed a challenge to hold his interest. Since she had no intention of giving in to him only to have him move on as soon as she did, the arrangement they had seemed satisfying for everyone involved, at least from her point of view, until Remus had said something.

Remus. What did she really feel about Remus? She drew in a deep breath and thought of her friend. His eyes really grabbed a person. They were so sad. Not in a melodramatic, on-the-brink-of-tears, Muggle-soap-opera sad sort of way, but in a weary, watching-the- world sort of way. It was like, she mused, he constantly walked on eggshells to avoid getting hurt. She very desperately didn't want to hurt him. What would happen if she pulled away from him now? What would happen if she didn't?

James… James was an enigma to her. A puzzle she wanted to work out, but one that she knew she would never fully solve. She had begun to realize that James wasn't crazy, he was merely quicksilver, able to adjust to a variety of situations by simply bringing out the part of his personality that best suited whatever was happening. He could be, by turns, a leader, a mischief-maker, a companion, a conspirator, a friend and… possibly more?

"You're thinking so loudly I can hear you from over here."

The voice made Lily turn suddenly, and when she saw who it belonged to, she was even more surprised. "Sirius?"

"It's a little bit different late at night, isn't it?"

"What?"

"The school. The way it looks. The way everything looks."

"Are you up late often? I mean, how do you know all that?"

"I had a… rough year — I guess you could call it — last year, and I found that sitting down here by myself helped me think things through."

"Yes. My thoughts keep going round in circles. I don't really seem to be getting anywhere."

"Maybe you can use me as a sounding board. Tell me what you're thinking. Sometimes it helps to have people listen to what's going on who aren't involved. Or, at least, are only slightly involved."

"It's just this mess with Remus and James and me," Lily confessed, feeling a dam break somewhere inside of her. "How am I supposed to know what to do about this? I really don't want to think about having to choose one or the other. I don't want to have to make a _choice._ No matter what happens, someone's going to get hurt."

Sirius nodded, resting his head on his palms. "They've both put you in kind of a rough spot."

"I didn't think it would ever come to this, you know? I was hoping that James and I had settled into this comfortable relationship and things wouldn't have to change for a while. I was just getting used to _liking_ him.

"And please don't ask me what I think about Remus. Sometimes I think that there might be a little bit of something there, you know. Sometimes. There's this comfortable warm feeling when he accidentally touches my hand, or a little bit of a blush when he looks at me a certain way, but…"

Sirius turned his gaze directly into Lily's eyes. "But there's James, right?"

"Yes, there's James. There's nothing _comfortable_ about the feeling I get when he touches my hand, and I know he does it on purpose. Everything he says irritates me, and when he looks at me that certain way…" Her voice trailed off, and she moved her eyes back to the windowsill. "He's not the same as he used to be."

"No, he's not. He feels… responsible. More so than he ever has before."

"Responsible for what?" Lily asked.

"Us," Sirius said wearily. "All the Marauders. He's always sort of been the de facto leader, but now he really feels it. Maybe he just decided it was time to grow up."

"It's sort of sad, isn't it?" Blinking away tears, Lily turned to Sirius.

"That we have to grow up? Oh yes, definitely." Sirius chuckled low in his throat, but his heart wasn't in it. "Life was so much simpler when it was all about Dungbombs and avoiding the caretaker during late-night runs to the kitchen."

"Thank you, Sirius."

"For what? All I did was listen."

Lily smiled warmly and patted his arm gently. "Sometimes that's all you have to do to make a girl feel better."

Sirius nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You do that."

"Well, this certainly looks cozy," Peter said as he trotted down the stairs from the boys' dormitories. "What are you two up to?"

"Why do you need to know?" Sirius snapped, feeling unreasonably irritable. "Are you writing a book?"

"We were just talking, Peter," Lily said calmly, and rose gracefully to her feet. "We're done now. It's late enough that all of us should have been in bed a long time ago. Good night, boys."

"Good night, Lily," Sirius called after her as she ascended the steps to her private Head Girl room.

"What's so special about her?" Peter mumbled to himself grumpily. "She's not even that pretty."

Sirius glared sharply at him. "Do you want to repeat that?"

"What? Do you like her too?" Suddenly aware that he had stepped on someone's toes, Peter shrunk down.

"No. No that way. She's really the only girl who only thinks of me as a friend here. I like her. She's different. But I wouldn't go out with her, and I don't like her that way."

"Why not?"

"You're curious all of a sudden," Sirius commented, and moved to go up the stairs. "You know what? I'll tell you why not. It's because she's James's. Remus knows it, I know it. And you know it, now that I've told you. All that's left is for them to figure it out."

The next morning, Lily found herself unduly anxious over her choice of wardrobe. What did one wear when one's entire life had been turned on end? It had been so much easier when she could simply ignore the fact that she was inescapably attracted to James Potter.

Now that the fact had been shoved in her face, Lily wasn't quite sure what to do. With a helpless shrug, she chose a red shirt to wear under her school sweater and her favorite skirt. After taking a bit of time to make sure her hair at least looked presentable, she considered, very briefly, applying some color to her lips. Deciding that was a bit too much for what would appear to everyone else to be an ordinary day, she headed downstairs towards the common room.

When she got there, she was surprised to see James seated on one of the armchairs, absorbed in his Transfiguration textbook.

"Good morning," she called cheerfully.

Instantly, his head popped out of the book and he grinned. "Morning! You feeling better?"

Lily had the grace to blush. "What?"

"Last night, after we visited Remus, you didn't look too well, and you weren't talking." It was James's turn to look sheepish. "I just thought that you weren't feeling well."

"James… I was…" Suddenly wondering where all of her Gryffindor courage had abandoned her, Lily forced herself to complete the thought. "I was wondering if we could just go for a walk. You know, instead of breakfast."

James nodded. "Of course. We can always grab something from the kitchens on the way to our first class."

"All right."

Shyly, James opened the door for Lily. "Off we go, then?"

Lily smiled, enjoying the vulnerability she was learning to appreciate in him. "Yes, off we go."

As they wandered the path from the main school buildings towards the Hogwarts lake they occupied themselves with trivial topics, talking about classmates and professors and life in general with the ease of a long friendship.

When they neared the edge of the water, though, the air turned tense. They didn't speak for a long minute.

"Remus can be pretty… intense after his transformation," James finally dared to say.

Lily nodded, clutching her robes closer across her chest against the sudden chill she felt. "He said some things, when you left. They really made me think."

James raised an eyebrow and decided on a simple, "Oh?"

"About you and me, and… me and him."

"You and Remus?" Suddenly crestfallen, James turned his attention to the water. "_Is_ there a 'you and Remus'?"

Lily sighed. "No, there never was, but apparently, Remus wished there was…."

"Ah. I see," James muttered anxiously. "That certainly explains a lot."He paused. "Is there _going_ to be a 'you and Remus'?"

Lily sighed. "No, I don't think there will be. When he was telling me all this… it was like he was a different person. The Remus I know wouldn't have ever brought the subject up," Lily said helplessly.

"The Remus you know is the side he would rather you know," James said in a low tone, his voice thoughtful and his eyes sad. "There's a lot more to Remus than you would think. I mean, it's obvious he's a pretty deep person, but most people don't have a real inkling of what he's like when he's surrounded by people he trusts. You know what they say about still waters running deep.

"Listen, after a transformation, some of his wards are down. He spends a lot of energy on getting well enough to survive the next month and not so much energy on controlling how others see him, which is part of the reason why he prefers to spend his recovery day away from people. Even us."

Lily nodded. "I can see why. It was almost… frightening how intense he was."

"Yes, I imagine it could be." James paused, then looked over at her. "What did he say about you and me?"

Once again, Lily blushed, feeling the heat of it crawl across her face. "He was talking about how he wouldn't ever try to be with me, because you and I were so right for each other."

"Did he really?"

"Yes, he did," Lily said quickly, and moved on so as to diffuse the frustration and embarrassment she saw on James's face, "and he got me thinking. He got me thinking that… that maybe he's right."

The shock on James's face would have made her giggle in any other situation. "Do you really think that? That he's right, I mean."

Lily let out a short laugh but couldn't bring herself to look James directly in the eye. "Yes, I think maybe he's right. You… you were amazing after Mum died. How you would show up at all the right moments to comfort me or irritate me, anything to get my mind off of how miserable I was feeling. You listen to me. Sometimes, I think you know what I'm thinking before I do."

"Yes, but all that makes me is a good friend." James sighed in frustration. "Don't get confused because Remus ran you through an emotional meat grinder."

"I'm not confused," Lily spat out. "Don't lie to me and tell me that don't think we ought to be together when…" The blush that had already begun to spread burst into flame. "When you touch me, okay?" She whispered the last part softly and made him chuckle. "This isn't funny."

James shook his head. "I know it's not. Really, I do. I'm just really, really relieved. I was wondering when you were going to work this out."

Lily closed the distance they'd put between them and laid a hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"No, it's probably for the best. My mum says everything happens in the right season. She's a pretty smart lady." Unconsciously, he reached for a lock of her hair and was beginning to twist it around his finger.

Unbidden, tears sprang in Lily's eyes.

"H-hey, don't start that on me!" James protested.

"I know I shouldn't. Normally I wouldn't," Lily said, trying desperately to explain through the moisture swimming in her eyes. "I just was up all night, and I couldn't think of anything else, and I was terrified that you didn't like me anymore…."

Feeling a tad bit uncomfortable, James reached an arm around her waist and drew her closer to him. Apparently that was the right thing to do, because she held on to him tightly and eventually calmed down. Until she did, he simply enjoyed the feel of her next to him, and the sense of rightness he had never felt holding anyone else.

_Author's Note: _Thank you all so very much for continuing to read and review this story, even through my unintentional three-month hiatus. No, I haven't died, and no, death threats don't encourage me to update. I haven't left the fandom and I haven't stopped writing. All of these rumors are untrue, and some of them even made me laugh.

I realize parts of this read like a Harlequin Romance novel. I tried my best.

Thanks, Anne and KC for being so patient and inquiring several times as to when I was going to update this story! It kept me on my toes.

Readers should thank Carissa for pointing out that a confrontation feel to this chapter wasn't the best way to approach it. I like this version much better.

Until next time, I remain LadyChi.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

The Great Hall was always quiet in the early morning just after the sun rose, and after all the trauma of the past week, Sirius found that even he needed some quiet. He padded down the dormitory stairs, whispered a cheerful but subdued "good morning" to the Fat Lady, opened the portrait door and headed in the direction of breakfast with a good book in hand.

He rarely ever read for fun — at least, not in the way that Remus did. He enjoyed reading, but he didn't take the time to dissect the words or ponder the author's intent. When he sat down with a book, he made a journey to another world, sometimes to one full of pirates and daring adventures, and other times, to a world where there was true safety. A family, a home, values that remained the same.

Cracking open the first page of the novel before he'd even reached the Great Hall, Sirius found a spot on the opposite end of his normal seat, far away from the prominent spot at the front of the table that he usually shared with his friends and the rest of the Gryffindor seventh-year students.

"Knobby would be wondering if you would like something to eat, Mr. Sirius Black, sir?"

The strange voice made Sirius jump slightly. Then he relaxed. He knew this house-elf from the late-night runs he and James often made to the kitchens. "No, that's okay, Knobby. I can wait for everyone else."

"Fine, sir. Knobby will just be leaving you some bread and cheese and apples then, sir. Just like you asked."

Before Sirius could say anything in reply, the house-elf had disappeared with his characteristic "POP". Sirius shook his head at the bowl of food that had appeared next to his right elbow. He wasn't hungry. He hadn't been hungry for a long time, but he didn't think he looked _that_ bad. Perhaps he should grab something, anyway.

"Sirius?" The shocked voice behind him was instantly recognizable. "What are you doing here? You're notorious for sleeping in."

"No." Sirius shook his head and snorted, taking a bite of a piece of bread he wasn't really interested in before responding. "I'm notorious for not appearing in the Great Hall until I'm good and ready to. I don't sleep in."

"I'm sorry I said anything," Regulus said, and turned on his heel to walk away.

"Wait." Sirius cursed low underneath of his breath. "I'm… Anyway, what are you doing down here?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm studying for a Transfiguration test."

Sirius laughed. "Some studying. Looks to me as though you're trying to pick a fight. Then again, some last-minute studying is probably just what you need. You never were any good at Transfiguration." He turned quickly to his book, silently willing his brother to say something or go away.

"All right," Regulus said, and turned around as well. After a moment, he whirled around, as though he had just rallied all of his courage. "Sirius?

"Yes, Regulus?" Sirius couldn't bring himself to turn around.

"It wouldn't be that hard to come back, you know. You could come home with me this Christmas."

"And spend my holiday weekend being poked and prodded by old hags with nothing better to do than try and plan my life and tell me what to think? I'd rather be hexed with a Impotence Jinx."

"Well, if you won't come home for the holiday, then you should at least apologize."

Sirius's face twisted with indignation. "Apologize?"

"Yes. Apologize."

"What do you know about it?" Sirius asked and stood to his full height, towering over his younger brother. "Mister Golden Child? You've always let Mummy and Daddy think for you," Sirius mocked, "and now is no exception. Are you even allowed to _talk_ to me, Regulus? Do you know _why_ I left?"

"Mum said that you left because you were an insufferable brat."

"Yes, well, you always were one to listen to Mummy. Yes, always listening, always obeying. Never _thinking._"

"I think about lots of stuff!"

"Like what? Like why Mum and Dad are so vocal about supporting this Dark Lord in his campaign against Muggles and they never _do_ anything about it? Did you think about that?"

"Our family doesn't support violence to further our ideas."

"Who fed you that load of owl dung? Dad, I imagine. Listen, the Blacks have never had any problems using violence to get what we want… ever."

"Then how come Mum said we were such pacifists during the war against Grindlewald?"

"For the same reason that you won't see Mum and Dad joining the Death Eaters any time soon, smart boy."

"And what's that?"

"They're cowards. Mum and Dad are cowards. Voldemort hasn't got a snowball's chance in a dragon's belly against Dumbledore, and they know it."

"What?"

"It's not about ideals or ideas or politics, Regulus. It's about money and power. Who's in power controls the money, and the Blacks have always had the money, because we've always been on the side that holds that power. The true power."

"You're lying! Mum and Dad would…"

"Would what, Regulus? Die for their beliefs? If you think that, you've got another think coming. They'd certainly kill for them; they'd kill for less."

"You're lying out of your mouth! This is _Mum_ and _Dad_ we're talking about!" Regulus's mouth had dropped.

"Yes, and just because Mum carried you around underneath her heart and gave birth to you doesn't mean she's a saint. If you believe Dad's worth the time it would take to cast the Killing Curse on him… well, then, you're sadly mistaken." Sirius started to pace in obvious agitation. This was _not_ a conversation he'd wanted to have in the Great Hall, of all places, where anyone could overhear them, where anyone could misinterpret him.

"Are you saying you want to _kill_ Mum and Dad?"

Sirius sighed. Obviously Regulus wasn't living in the same world as he was."I'm not saying that. I wouldn't ever say that. I'm just saying that what you're perceiving as reality is nowhere close to the truth."

"But you would, wouldn't you? You'd kill Mum and Dad. You hate them!"

Sirius's grin turned fouler and he let out a low chuckle. "No, I moved past hate a long time ago, Regulus. I don't feel anything at all towards them. As far as I'm concerned, they don't exist."

"Yes, they do. You're lying this time. If they really don't exist, how come you're still walking around with the Black name?"

"Has Dad been yelling about that? Well, I won't give that up. I'll be Sirius Black until the day I die. I determined to be the one to bring the name honor. The only one in centuries to do so."

"If you weren't such a Mudblood-lover, you'd see what you're saying!" Regulus shouted.

"Mudblood-lover?" Sirius's voice dropped dangerously low. "That's a pretty disgusting thing to call someone, Regulus. I, for one, don't know anyone I'd call a _Mudblood_."

"Lily Evans," Regulus shot back.

"If you're calling her a Mudblood…" Sirius's eyebrows drew together.

"You admit it, then!" Regulus nearly crowed in triumph. "You admit that you think the Mudbloods deserve an equal place in wizarding society!"

Sirius smiled. "Yes, I'm admitting that. There's no shame in that. I'd go as far as to say even the Muggle-borns are our equals."

"The Muggles are the source of most of our troubles, Sirius. They're inferior. Magically, intellectually, physically… in any way you can think of."

"Says who? Merlin, Regulus, use your _brain_ for a change! Simon Dartmus, one of the greatest Chasers of all time, came from _two_ Muggle parents; so don't say that the Muggles are our inferiors in the sports arenas. Yano Creatus, the man who invented the first Dungbomb was a Mudblood, so don't tell me that they're inferior mentally. And Albus Dumbledore was the child of a wizard and a Muggle woman, and you can't deny that he's one of the most powerful wizards around. Magically, they're no different from us, either."

"Yes, but obviously magic is an inherited trait! Children are more likely to be magical if their parents are too! Imagine what we would could do…"

"Wait a minute," Sirius waved an arm. "You're sounding dangerously like someone else. Ever heard of Hitler? You can't _breed_ humans like you can breed owls, Regulus."

Regulus snorted. "No, you can't. But if the wizarding society is going to continue…"

"It can do so on its own! Merlin, Regulus! You're talking about _outlawing_ marriages. _Outlawing!_ That's not just discouraging, man! That's banning. And banning, as anyone who's ever studied history can tell you, doesn't work! Why? Because humans are instinctively drawn to things they're not supposed to do! By solving this so called 'problem' of Muggles and wizards intermarrying and breeding, you're actually creating a bigger problem for yourselves!"

"But Sirius, you've seen what the Muggles have done with their technology! We've got to be able to do something in order to ensure that our society will continue!"

Sirius sighed. He'd heard this argument from several people when he'd first begun to question the pure-blood philosophy being shoved down his throat, and he used the same counter-argument that had been used against him. "Yes, and the same families marrying each other over and over again will help us remain strong! Look at the royal families of Europe, Regulus. Look at how much _that_ philosophy has done for them!" While Sirius wasn't an avid reader of history, he had at least researched that much.

"Yes, but they're still in power!"

"Yes, in England, but not in very many of the other countries. Look, Regulus, to promote a philosophy like that… you're promoting ignorance. You're encouraging wizards and Muggles to know nothing about each other."

"Well, why not? What harm has it done in the past?"

"Um… the Witch Trials come to mind. Yes, they were a joke when they were happening, but think about what their technology can do now. You made that point earlier, you must know something about it. If the Muggles came after the wizarding society today, would it survive? The only way that paranoid people like you can attain any sort of security is by working with those Muggles who _do_ have connections with us."

Unnoticed by either one of the boys, Peter sneaked down and into the Great Hall and was now watching the argument carefully. His eyes drifted from Sirius's passionate face and waving arms to Regulus's panicked face and recited arguments.

"What's going on?" The voice behind Peter made him jump.

"Oh. Hello, Remus. Regulus made the mistake of trying to talk to Sirius."

"Looks like their discussion has turned rather heated."

Peter shrugged. "Yes, but were you really suspecting something different would happen? There's still a lot of bad blood there."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Bad pun, Peter."

"I know," he whispered, as the argument got louder and more violent. "Do you think we should jump in there and break it up? I mean, people are going to be getting here soon. I don't know if Sirius wants to have to endure all that attention as well as his brother."

"Think, you ignorant _arse!_" Sirius's voice rang across the Hall. "That's all I ever asked you to do. Think for yourself."

"Sirius!" A voice from across the Hall stopped him short. "Don't you think that's enough for today?" James walked across the room, shoving a hand through his hair. "You two can't fight a war between yourselves. And besides, you're ruining breakfast for everyone else."

"James, you should have heard some of the things he was saying."

"His ignorance is not our responsibility," Remus interjected. "It's certainly not yours anymore, Sirius."

Peter nodded. "Let's just sit down and have some breakfast. I'm starving."

"Nothing like a shouting match between brothers to wake you up in the morning," Remus commented dryly as he made his way toward his traditional seat. "Eh, Sirius… you going to join us over here?"

Sirius looked over at his brother, who was retreating towards the security of the traditional Slytherin table. "Yes, I think I will."

As the Marauders settled down for breakfast, passing food and make crude jokes as was their custom, Sirius began to relax slowly. Any time a melancholy or regretful thought would cross his mind, he would shake his head firmly to get rid of it. Now he was with friends. The past was behind him and seemed well in the world.

When Lily finally came down to breakfast, Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. Now everything was right. James was sitting with Lily. Remus was arguing a bit of Arthimancy theory with Lily's friend Meg, and Peter was sharing jokes with some younger years who looked up to the Marauders. Yes, everything was just right. Here there was no war. There was no ignorance or intolerance.

What, Sirius wondered, was he going to do if he ever lost any of this?

"Sirius, come back to Earth! I need to ask you question." Sirius turned and faced Peter.

"All right." He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he begged any gods who were listening to him at that moment to stop Peter from asking him about Regulus. He just couldn't tolerate it at the moment.

"Okay, so how many Slytherins does it take to cast a lighting charm?"

Sirius almost burst into laughter, he was so relieved. Instead, since he was so filled with good cheer, he let Peter have the punch line. "How many?"

"Four. One to have the idea, one to act as a go-between for the charm caster and the person with the idea, one to watch for Muggles while they cast the Charm, and one to pay a Gryffindor to do it!"

The entire table laughed. Yes. This was Hogwarts. This was home. And this was unreachable, impregnable, and safe.

Leave me a review. Let me know what you thought. All comments are appreciated, and most will be responded to. Thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Warning: This chapter contains PG-13 rated dialogue concerning teenaged sexuality. Some of it may seem crude to readers not familiar with teenaged girls. **

**Chapter Fifteen**

The Christmas holiday had arrived, and all the seventh-year Gryffindors welcomed the change in atmosphere -- the Marauders doubly so. One, because their NEWT classes had become more difficult, and two, because the tension between Lily, Remus and James had grown almost unbearable to anyone unfortunate enough to be around them.

Remus -- having finally admitted all his feelings -- had originally felt a sense of relief, but soon he found it awkward to be alone with Lily or even James, who still couldn't figure out how to handle the news that Remus liked Lily. Sirius, meanwhile, had sunk into one of his classic depressions: manically happy in large crowds, sullen, unresponsive and difficult among those who knew him best.

The night before the holiday was to begin, Lily was in her dormitory, packing in her efficient way. She'd spent the evening laughing and joking with Peter and James, but she'd begged off early to spend a few extra minutes packing. This Christmas holiday was going to be special.

In the middle of her musings, there was an unobtrusive knock on her door. Lily paused, wondering who it could be, then shrugged and went back to her packing. "Come on in," she called, smiling fondly at a red jumper before placing it carefully in her traveling trunk. She looked up, and then smiled in genuine pleasure. "Hello, Meg." As much as she loved James and enjoyed spending time with his friends, sometimes it was nice to see one of her female friends walk through the door.

"Where're you going?" Meg asked, looking slightly confused. "I thought you'd said that you weren't going to go home for the Christmas holiday."

Lily smiled. "I'm not. You couldn't make me go home for anything in the world. I'd have to sit through hours of Petunia and Vernon talking to each other in that disgusting baby- talk they use -- 'Vernonkins' and 'Petuniawunia'. No, I don't think so. I'm going to spend Christmas with James and his family."

Meg's eyebrows rose. "When did this happen? I mean, I knew you were seeing James, but I didn't know it was that serious."

"It's not serious."

"Spending Christmas with his family doesn't sound serious to you? It sounds serious to me."

Somehow, admitting the seriousness of her relationship with James didn't feel comfortable to Lily. She'd been friends with Meg for a long time, but there was something so intensely private about what passed between her and James that she didn't want to talk about it. At least, she didn't want to talk about the emotional side of things.

"James asked me about a week ago. He didn't want to me feel alone, that's all. He said he knew that it would be rough for me to get this through this Christmas, you know… without Mum."

Meg nodded sympathetically. "I don't know how you managed to get the only sensitive boy in Hogwarts, but you did it."

Lily shrugged but couldn't help looking pleased. Then she realized what her friend was really saying and sighed. "Troubles with Connor again?"

Meg smiled, but didn't deny it. "You see right through me."

"Only because you're as clear as glass." With a careless flip of her hand, Lily shut the top of her trunk. "Come on," she said, patting a spot on the bed next to her. "Tell me all about it. If nothing else, you'll feel better afterwards."

The two girls stayed up late into the night, as they usually did during long talking sessions like this, venting their frustrations with boyfriends, teachers, classmates and relatives, but also sharing the little things in life that made it bearable. Eventually, after an hour and a half of serious chatter about nothing that mattered at all, Lily confided that James had wonderful arms. "Probably my favorite feature," she giggled, although she would never admit that she did.

Meg whispered conspiratorially that Connor had discovered a broom closet that had a perfect location between the Transfiguration classroom and the Potions dungeon just a few days before that made quick petting sessions in between classes possible.

Lily sighed romantically, but then sat up a little straighter. "I don't really think James and I are ready for dark broom closets just yet."

"Why not?" Meg asked concernedly.

"We've only been seeing each other for a few months now, and we've sort of agreed to take it easy."

Meg laughed. "You both decided? Or you decided?"

Lily stiffened. There was something in that tone that she didn't like. "We both decided."

"You sat down and talked about it like rational, normal adults?"

"Well, no."

"Good. I was beginning to think that James had lost all his spine."

"What are you trying to say? That I'm not as grown up as you because I haven't dropped my skirt for a man?"

"I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that it's normal for a bloke to pressure a girl, you know, for that kind of thing. James never mentions it?"

Lily shook her head, beginning to feel confused in spite of herself. "Why should he?"

Meg laughed, playing the wise, older woman of the world, although she didn't have nearly as much experience as she liked to pretend. "That's all a boy can think about. They've done studies about it, you know."

"Well, maybe blokes in general, but not James. I mean… there _is_ a lot of heat, but…"

"You've just never had the occasion to go all the way?" Meg asked, toning it down, aware that she'd offended Lily before.

"Yes, that's exactly it. Though I really don't think I'd have the courage to… you know... before I'm married. James seems to understand. Most of the time he stops before I have to stop him myself."

"Well, well. Sensitive _and_ honorable! That is just amazing." Meg sighed wearily. "You've caught a real gem in James Potter."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Yes, I have, and I don't intend to share him."

Meg chuckled, just as Lily was hoping she would. "I wasn't trying to take him from you, I was just… stating an opinion."

"Is Connor really that bad?"

"I suppose he's really not," Meg admitted, leaning back on the bed to gaze up at the ceiling. "It's just that some days he'll act like he doesn't care, and then he snaps at me if I so much as talk to another boy while he's in the room. It's very frustrating."

"If you're that miserable, you don't have to stay with him, you know," Lily suggested patiently, as she had millions of times in the past. "It's not like you have a ring on your finger."

Meg shook her head. "It's almost exactly like I've got a ring on my finger. Connor and I… well, we're a lot different than you and James. Things are expected of us. Our families know each other; there's money involved…. We're both…"

"Pureblood?"

Meg laughed nervously. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. "Not that it matters, but it's just expected that Connor and I will marry."

"So it's just an added bonus that you two happen to like each other?"

"Honestly, I don't think that us liking each other is that much of a factor to our parents. They made the decision long before we did."

"That's so medieval, don't you think?"

"It's just the way things are done in our families, Lily. I'm going to marry Connor in the spring of 1979. I'm going to wear the family's traditional white robes with gold inlay that will probably have to be modified to fit my fat bum. We'll party long into the night, but in a very respectable fashion, and drink a lot of very expensive wine, probably supplied by his father, since he's into that sort of thing, and we'll head off to France to the same honeymoon spot that his family has used for centuries. We'll consummate our marriage and hopefully conceive an heir that same night, so that we won't have to touch each other in ten years when we can't stand to be around each other."

Lily raised an eyebrow, feeling slightly overwhelmed. "I had no idea it was like that for you. Why didn't you tell me before?"

"It's like that for most pureblood families. I just assumed you would know. Sometimes it's very easy to forget that you're a Muggle."

"Is it… I mean, will James's parents expect that kind of thing from us?" Lily wondered aloud.

"Oh, probably not," Meg said confidently, recovering a little from her tirade. "The Potters are different than the rest of us, especially concerning that sort of thing. You've _no_ idea how lucky you are."

"No, I guess I don't."

* * *

James waited nervously in the Great Hall the next morning. "Do you think she still wants to come?"

"Yes, of course she does," Sirius said with the tired patience of someone who had gone over this at least twice before. "She's a girl, and girls, strange and wonderful creatures that they are, take a much longer time to get ready. Particularly when they know people are going to be waiting on them," Sirius teased.

James laughed. "I'd agree with you there, but don't let Lily hear you say that."

A few seconds later, Lily came rushing down the stairs, busily wrapping her scarf around her neck. "I'm sorry I'm late," she announced, running over to James to kiss his cheek in greeting. "My trunk was so heavy I had to unpack it all and start over. I know the house-elves can pick them up even when they way tons, but I always feel so guilty when I shove a lot of things in there.".

James grinned and wrapped his arms around Lily's waist. "All right. I'm ready to go. What are we waiting for?"

Lily shook her head in amusement and snuggled in closer to James. She told herself that the others would think it was for warmth. "The Hogwarts Express doesn't leave for ten minutes. We certainly don't have to worry about leaving just yet."

"James is just embarrassed because he was afraid you wouldn't come," Peter said, chuckling a little. "The rest of us weren't too worried."

"Well, to tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous myself. I've never met James's parents, and now I'm going to be staying a full two weeks at their house."

Peter smiled in the sweet way that lit up his entire face. "Mr. and Mrs. Potter will love you, and you'll love them."

Sirius nodded very seriously. "I've never met anyone the Potters can't accept. They let me stay with them over the holidays, even after I left my parents. I'll probably be with them over the summer, as well, at least until I can find a place of my own."

James laughed. "Actually, the only problem you'll find that you might have with them is that they tend to treat you like you're twelve. Mum especially can't get over the idea that we're leaving school this year, so she's regressing just a little bit."

"I don't mind," Remus said with a shy smile. "As long as the treatment involves chocolate biscuits with tea."

"Sounds wonderful," Lily said, looking very relieved.

"What made you nervous?" James asked, almost anxious to hear if someone had been talking about his parents.

"It was just… I was talking with Meg the other night and she was talking about marrying Connor McCormick –"

"—stupid, brainless lout," Sirius muttered under his breath.

" – and I hadn't realized how strict some of the traditions are among the pureblood families."

Sirius snorted, but Peter started to explain. "That's just the Durmonts and the McCormicks. They talk a big game about letting the Muggle-borns in, you know, 'integration', but they don't necessarily think _they_ need to practice it."

"Actually, that's most of the upper-class pureblood families," Remus said in his soft, almost academic tone of voice. "They love the exclusiveness of their society. It takes a lot of money and a lot of class—"

"—more like a lot of arrogance and self-importance," Sirius muttered.

"—to be considered a part of their crowd."

"The Potter family's generally considered the exception to that rule," Peter said and chuckled. "They do more than talk about integrating Muggles. They spend a lot of time working on legislation to make it easier for Muggle-borns to get into Hogwarts and trying to get as much information to families of Muggle-borns about wizarding society as possible. Some people try to make that difficult."

James nodded, looking faintly embarrassed. "If you're worried about that, don't. They aren't going to care that you're a Muggle-born."

Lily smiled. "Good."

"They're going to love you," Sirius reassured her, and the rest of the Marauders nodded.

* * *

Later, on the Hogwarts Express, while James left to go deal with a fight involving some second-year boys, Lily turned to Sirius.

"I know you all keep telling me that James's parents won't care that I'm a Muggle, but… All right, this is a stupid question. Is James really that rich?"

"James? No." At the look on Lily's face, Sirius shook his head in amusement. "James's parents, however, are very well off."

Lily swallowed. She had some idea of what the Black family fortune was like, so she knew that Sirius's idea of 'well off' and hers might be slightly different.

"How well off is 'well off'?"

Sirius chuckled. "Look, don't be intimidated by the money, all right? It's not a big deal to them."

"Sirius. Answer me."

"If James were so inclined, I feel fairly sure that he could never work a day in his life and still support a wife and family in very fine style. You'd never know that, though. The only reason I do is because I've got family in banking. His parents… well, they're amazing. They're going to love you because James loves you. That's enough for them. It'll just be icing on the cake that you're pretty, smart and charming."

Remus, who had been listening, nodded.

The door slid open and a rosy-cheeked James entered the car. "We're here! Hurry up, Sirius. Come on, Lily. I've already seen them. They're waiting." As they headed towards the exit, James covertly pulled Lily into one of the private compartments. "I want you to know that you don't have to be nervous."

Lily smiled bravely. "I always am when I meet people important to the people that… I love. I'm not afraid, though."

James grinned, and his sparkling brown eyes met Lily's anxious green ones. "Kiss for luck?"

"At least one."

In my own defense, I'm not really that much of a romantic-- at least not by my calculations. But there's something about this Lily and James story that makes it difficult to resist putting a little bit fluff in every now and again.

Many thanks are extended to Anne and KC for all their hard work and patience, particularly in my pre-vacation panicked rush to get Chapter 14 up before I departed. I did have a chance to read some of your reviews (and respond to all of them on one website, I'll finish that up on the others sometime next week) while I was on vacation, and thank you all so much for your continued interest in "With All My Love". In the next chapter, the plot thickens and things get sticky. This is indeed the proverbial calm before the storm.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

King's Cross station was bustling, as usual, and Platform 9 ¾ was no exception. Parents rushed to pick up their children in the holiday confusion, and Lily and James walked slowly through the crowd, holding hands so that they wouldn't lose each other. Sirius had already rushed ahead to find James's parents, and Remus had split off much earlier, heading for the car that his ailing parents had arranged for him. Peter followed them at a distance until he spotted his own mother, then gave James a jaunty wave and left them as well.

When Lily had mentioned how sad it seemed that Marauders were parting, James only smiled. "We always find a way to spend time with each other over the holidays. I'm sure Mum and Dad have already sent owls to their parents inviting them over for breakfast on Boxing Day. They'll all come, too. Except for Peter's mum. He usually comes by himself."

"Why is that?"

James shrugged. "His mother and my parents don't see eye to eye on a lot of things – politics, mostly."

"But he's still allowed to come over to your house?"

"Well, I am pureblood. That's what matters to Mrs. Pettigrew. She retains a secret hope that I might turn out different than my parents, which she always mentions to me when I go to visit Peter in the summer."

Lily chuckled softly. "I see."

James flashed her a brilliant grin and squeezed her hand tightly. "Look, there's Mum. I don't see Dad."

Lily couldn't help but smile at the sight of the small but plump woman with white hair who was clutching Sirius's hand and jumping up and down slightly. "That's your Mum?"

"Yes," James said and laughed. "Dad and I always joke that she has more energy than both of us."

"James!" Mrs. Potter crossed to James quickly and crushed him in a bear hug. James bent his knees slightly and returned the favor. "How was school? Did you bring Lily? Was the trip fine?"

"Fine, yes, and fine. Mum, this is Lily Evans."

"My, you are pretty," Mrs. Potter said, and then covered her mouth, a slight flush coloring her cheeks. "I'm sorry. That's probably the wrong thing to say. It's very pleasant to meet you, Lily."

Lily smiled and took the hand Mrs. Potter had offered. "I'm pleased to finally meet you, too."

Mrs. Potter smiled at that, deciding that she liked the look of this Lily Evans. "Well, dears, we'd better get moving. It's best not to stay in one place for too long anymore." With that, she picked up her giant bag and pulled on her gloves.

The trip to Godric's Hollow on the Potter family broom from a small café just outside of London, which they'd Floo'd to took about a half-hour. Due to security in Godric's Hollow, they couldn't Floo directly to the Potters' house, so the boys used the time to fill Mrs. Potter in on everything that had been happening at school. She pursed her lips at the descriptions of the young Death Eaters and made slight 'tsking' sounds when Sirius explained his concern for his younger brother.

"I think the best thing to do, Sirius, is to let your brother grow up. He'll have to face the same things you did. He has to grow up on his own, dear, and you can't make that any easier for him."

"Yes, but I'd like to see him grow up, and I don't think he'll last long with the Death Eaters. Mum and Dad will encourage him, I know they will."

"I didn't say you couldn't keep an eye on him, Sirius."

Sirius smiled and chuckled. "We'll see, Mrs. Potter."

They landed in front of the Potters' house in Godric's Hollow, and Lily couldn't help it. She clutched James's hand and inhaled deeply. "Your house is very charming, Mrs. Potter."

Amelia laughed, a bright sound that cracked the silence of the English winter. "I suppose that is one word for it. Don't worry dear, you can laugh. I almost always do. I swear that every year that side of the house leans more to that side."

James returned the squeeze, and bent down to whisper in Lily's ear. "Every once in a while Dad will swear he's going to do something about that, but Mum won't have it."

Watching her son with a sentimental gleam in her eye, Amelia seemed to snap back to reality. "Well, dear, it just wouldn't be the same house without the incline. It keeps me on my toes in the morning."

"Of course, Mum," James said, and started walking up to the house. "Why didn't Dad come?"

Amelia's face fell. "He's not been feeling well, dearie. I would have written to you, but your dad didn't want me to worry you so close to you coming home for vacation."

"Not been feeling well? Dad's never been ill a day in his life."

Amelia shrugged helplessly. "Well, in any case, he's dying to see you. Get on inside and say hi to him. He really wanted to come today, but it just – it wasn't possible."

Lily looked up at James's face and saw panic there. "Don't worry just yet, James. Even our parents are fallible. I'm sure it's nothing."

James nodded and smiled, but the expression didn't seem natural. "Nothing to worry about."

* * *

After they had all put away their luggage, Sirius and Lily went on a walking tour of the house, and James crept to his parents' room. When his mother had discovered that Harold was asleep, James had decided to wait to say hello to him. Now, he wondered if that decision had been made out of cowardice, and, if it had, what sort of a Gryffindor did that make him?

There was a light shining underneath the door, so James at least knew that his father was awake, but he was not in the least prepared for what he saw. His father, who had rarely been sick in the seventeen years that James had been alive, lay deathly still on his bed, taking rasping breaths aided by a potion that hung in the air and clung to everything. James felt strangely like he was in a hospital, and felt, for a moment, a burst of anger that his mother hadn't let him know how serious the situation was.

"Don't just stand in the doorway, James. Come in and see me." Even his father's voice sounded weaker to James, who took a deep breath and entered the room.

"Hi, Dad."

"So, you're back from Hogwarts? Manage to stay alive another year?" A short coughing fit interrupted anything that his father might have wanted to say next.

Helplessly, James shrugged. "I suppose so."

"You suppose so? You're here, aren't you?"

James smiled. "Yes, I am."

"Did you bring that girl your mum is so excited about?"

"Lily?" James's smile turned into the silly grin he could never control whenever someone mentioned Lily's name.

Harold's eyes twinkled, and for a moment, looked as though nothing in the world were wrong with him. "I'm guessing by the look on your face that she must be the one, and she must be here."

James nodded. "She is. Her family… well, her mum died about a year ago from cancer, and her dad in a car accident several years before that, and all she's got left is a sister she doesn't really care for. So she really didn't mind coming here for Christmas."

"Well, I hope I get to meet her."

"Of course you will. She's going to be staying the whole holiday."

Harold made a 'hmm' sound in the back of his throat, coughed once and struggled to sit up.

"No, Dad. You just stay there. You don't have to get up for me."

Harold chuckled. "I know. I just think I would breathe easier if I were sitting up, but I don't have the energy for some reason. Would you give me a hand?"

"Of course." James helped rearrange his father into a more comfortable position, then stood awkwardly next to the bedside for a minute.

"Are you serious about this girl?"

The suddenness of the question made James blink, and because he always took his father seriously, he took a minute to answer. "As serious as I've ever been about… well, anything really."

"I hope you treat her with respect." Harold reached for the bed stand and grabbed his handkerchief, wiping his nose with it. "Too many young men these days don't treat young ladies with respect."

James nodded. "I do my best, sir."

"You wait until she's ready." Harold leaned back on the pillows so he could look James in the eye. "The way young people are today, well, I guess marriage isn't a requirement anymore, but you if you really respect her, you'll wait until she's ready. Or you could do yourself a favor and wait until you're married."

Blushing, James nodded. "I wouldn't try to force Lily into anything."

"I know you wouldn't, son. Listen, I'm going to tell you something. I thought I would wait until you got married, but I'm thinking maybe I won't be around that long."

"Dad –"

"When I married your mother, we were older. Well, older than most people getting married usually are. When we had you, we were sure it was a miracle. And you were. All life is, really. And life is short. So, if you think you've found the one in this Lily Evans, don't waste time. Be sure you're ready, but don't spend years waltzing around each other. There are some things in life, son, which can never be replaced. The love of a good woman is one of them. Believe me, I married one."

James felt very unmanly tears well up in his eyes. He reached for his father's arm and squeezed it. "I will, Dad. I will."

* * *

There was a knock at the door. Lily put down the book she'd been reading in front of the fireplace. That was a fact she was sure she would never get used to. Her room at the Potters' had its own fireplace! If she ever became a millionaire, she resolved that all the rooms in her house would have a fireplace.

"Come on in," she called cheerfully, not wanting to get up and lose the warmth of the steady fire.

"Hi, Lily."

"James!" She stood up in excitement and pushed the hair back from her face. "What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to walk into town with me. Maybe have supper at the café? I know, you've heard great things about Mum's cooking, but I really want to… well, get out for a while."

Without question, Lily crossed the room and laid her hand on James's shoulder. "How was your dad?"

"I don't think I've ever seen him like that. It was – well, it was scary, and I don't really know what to think of it yet."

"Your mum made it sound like something he might get over quickly," Lily said hopefully.

"It doesn't look like something he'll get over quickly." James ran an irritated hand through his hair, then linked his arms around Lily's waist. "I'm worried, Lily."

Lily sighed and laid her head on her shoulder. "Do you think Sirius will mind if we go without him?"

"No. In fact, I'm pretty sure he expects it. We've pretty much got free rein here. Mum and Dad don't really care too much what we do, as long as they know where we are."

"So would this be okay for wearing to the café?" Lily asked, gesturing to her red jumper and jeans.

James grinned. "Yeah, that'll be fine. Let's leave now, okay?"

"Okay."

They paused at the main entrance to put on winter cloaks and don mittens and hats. James jokingly pulled Lily's hat over her eyes, until she reached up to pull his glasses off his face and accidentally stabbed him with a fingernail.

"Where are you two off to?" Sirius asked as he came down the stairway.

"We're going to go into the village and eat at Harry's."

Sirius nodded. "Great. The fish and chips there are fantastic. Have a good time."

Lily watched him go. "Um, James? Where is he going?"

"Who? Sirius? He's probably going into the kitchen to filch some biscuits from my Mum. Then he'll probably go out for a run."

"A run? In this weather?"

James raised an eyebrow at her. "It's really not a problem if you've got a good coat."

"Oh? Oh. Oh! I see. Tell me, am I ever going to see you, um… take a run with Sirius?"

"Do you really want to meet Prongs?"

Lily nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, of course! I've wanted to, really, since I found out."

"I'm sure something can be arranged," James said with a quick grin, and then thrust his elbow out. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes. Very much."

* * *

Harry's Café didn't actually belong to a bloke named Harry. In fact, no one named Harry had ever even owned the building. The fact was that Harry was an owl. A very old, retired post owl, and despite what the human papers said, in Harry's mind, he owned the café.

The new owner, a man named, of all things, Dominic, had originally planned to name the café 'Sweet Thoughts', but the owl had figured too prominently in many of the patrons' minds. Although he lived in the attic, Harry the owl had a habit of entering with a costumer when they opened the door and sitting himself on the mantel. So, Sweet Thoughts had become Harry's, and everyone was much happier with it.

James told Lily all of this on the short walk into the village. Once they reached the edge, James began to point out places and sometimes people to her.

"See that? That's where Widow Womack used to live. Everyone thought she was a Dark witch and wouldn't go near her house. Until one day, a nursery-school friend of mine, David, double-dared me to knock on her door. I wasn't really supposed to stick around, you see, but she was baking the most marvelous cinnamon bread, and the smell had me rooted on the spot. She passed away a few years ago."

"Who lives there now?"

"Oh, that would be her son. Nobody knows much about him. He's not very sociable."

Lily squeezed James's hand as they walked along the main street. Houses were lit with Christmas lights in both Muggle and wizarding fashion, and it seemed that everyone went out of their way to make the village festive.

"It smells like evergreen," Lily said. "It's very lovely, James."

James shrugged. "I like it very much, but then, this is where I grew up."

As they neared the sign that hung over the door to Harry's café, Lily stopped them. "James, I just want you to know. No matter what happens, I'm going to be there for you. Always."

James carefully brushed away a lock of her hair that fell on her face and swallowed hard, trying to fight the emotion that showed through in his voice. "I'm always going to be there for you, and I'm always going to want you to be at my side. Maybe someday, we can make that official."

Lily grinned. She could have sworn she felt golden, lighter than air. "Yes. Someday. Soon."

James laughed. "Yes, soon."

Then they met in the middle, lips meeting for a sweet kiss, full of youth and promise. There they stood for a long while, not particularly caring that they were blocking the entrance.

* * *

I apologize for the unusual choppiness of this chapter, the first since the release of HBP. I'm hoping to work on that, but I found it necessary to move the story along at a pace that will hopefully end the story before we get to forty chapters. Cross your fingers.

Speaking of HBP, does anyone else think it odd that my one thought after finishing… and after I was done sobbing, was that I wouldn't have to edit "With All My Love" to make it canon? You can tell where _my_ priorities are.

Huge hugs and thanks go out to Carissa, who has always been willing to be a sounding board for my ideas.

Muchas gracias to Anne and KC. You guys rock, and you manage to keep me in line. I really don't know how you to do it.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Author's Note**: Sorry for the long delay on the update, here. I've been blocked for a year and a half. I must have tried to write this chapter ten different ways. Anyhoo, this is the final version. Thanks for your patience!

**Chapter Seventeen**

Peter Pettigrew figured he was about the only teenager in the world who hated Christmas. He hated coming home to the mindless rage of his mother at everything in the world, hated being away from his friends and hated the emotionless feel of his home.

He held the letter from Lily in his hands and stood in his library, staring at the Christmas tree, which hadn't been decorated – and felt his heart break into a million tiny pieces.

"Peter. What are you doing in here?" The voice of his mother caused him to automatically stand at attention, straightening his shoulders and back out into a proud carriage worthy of a Pettigrew.

"I'm reading my mail."

"Ah. Has that Potter boy finally come to his senses and dump that Mudblood he's been seeing?" As she talked, she crossed to an armchair and sat down like the proper lady she thought she was.

"Her name's Lily, Mum, and she's a lovely girl," Peter said, rising to the defense of his friend as he did every time he was feeling courageous.

"I'm guessing he's still with that trash, then," she said dismissively, effectively ignoring everything Peter had just said. "Damn shame to then out that lovely pure blood. Of course, it would be hard to see the proper path if your parents are insane."

"On that I would agree," Peter muttered to himself.

"Well, what did he say?"

"It's not from James. It's from Lily. She was writing to tell me that Mr. Potter died yesterday."

His mother sat back in her chair. "Well, now. That's interesting. We'll see how Abigail deals with life without Harold. She's always had him to lean on."

"I don't think it's interesting, Mum, I think it's sad."

Mrs. Pettigrew shrugged her shoulders. "Did that girl say when they were going to hold the services?"

It was Peter's turn to shrug. "She says they're planning a private family burial. I guess they're worried some crazy political enemy of theirs will attack the funeral. They've been getting some Death Eater threats."

"I like what those people have to say, but I dislike their methods," Mrs. Pettigrew said conversationally.

Peter turned and walked towards the door, unable to say what he wanted to say. "Peter, where are you going?" his mother called.

"I'm going to go pack. I'm going to Godric's Hollow."

Lily had never been to a wizarding funeral before… but she'd been to both of her parents', and as she stood at James's side, watching as tears fell from his eyes, though he tried to hide them. Dumbledore had been asked to officiate, and he stood over the coffin, wind blowing his robes back.

"Harold Potter was a man who saw beyond labels," he began, his voice carrying over the wide expanse of the crowd. "He saw beyond pureblood, mixed-blood, red blood, blue blood… Harold was truly a man who believed firmly in the most egalitarian ideals. He told me once that he was trying to build a world he would comfortable sending his son into.

"Now, in a time when the world needs men like Harold most, we've lost him. We've lost a father, a husband, a brother, a friend…. And a fighter. However, the longer I live, the more firmly I am convinced that everything happens for a reason… and that death, though it seems to be the end, is just the start of a larger adventure. I refuse to say goodbye to Harold here. I only wish to tell him that I will see him when it is my time to move on. I will see you later, old friend."

James pressed hard on Lily's hand, and she laid her head on his shoulder, hoping to pass on some comfort in the chill winter wind. Slowly, the line moved forward to touch the coffin and pay respects to the family.

With every word of condolence and regret from strangers and close friends and everyone in-between, James felt himself drifting away from the pain and the grief, feeling strangely disembodied.

"James," Lily whispered eventually. "The line's almost through. Just hang in there."

Dumbly, he nodded his head and muttered incoherent acceptance of niceties being presented to him.

"Your father was a good man. One of the best."

"Never met a man so fixed on doing so much for the Muggleborns."

"Could have been Minister of Magic, could Harold."

"Shame to lose your father so young."

James kept his hand locked firmly in Lily's, squeezing every once in a while when someone said something particularly moving, but mainly to keep him anchored to reality when he felt strangely as though he were drifting somewhere above the world, hearing the voices, but not really acknowledging them.

At last, everyone who felt they must say good-bye had whispered their condolences to either James or his mother, and they were stood before the grave. Releasing Lily's hand, James walked forward to the coffin, where Dumbledore still stood.

"Thank you, sir, for agreeing to be here," he said finally. "Dad always had wonderful things to say about you."

Dumbledore smiled sadly and gazed over the top of his half-moon glasses. "The death of a father is a grave trial indeed – especially when you must feel as though you need him the most. But you must remember, James, that he gave you all the tools you need to be the best sort of the man – the kind of man he was."

James felt his throat constrict, and a strange burning sensation focus in the back of his eyes. He never cried in public… and avoided it in private as much as possible. "Thank you, sir," he whispered again, unable to come up with anything more to say.

Dumbledore gripped his shoulder in a moment. "You know where my office is, James. At this point in your life, you don't need another father. But my door is always open." Then the professor walked across the grass, leaving James standing alone at the grave.

"Dad, I know you're gone and you can't really hear me… but I wanted to say… Well, I don't know what. I'm going to try my best to be everything you wanted me to be. If I can be half the man you were… half the father, and the husband and the friend, then I guess I'll be pretty satisfied."

After a moment, James felt Lily's hand on his back. "Are you ready to go?"

James nodded. "I just wanted to be sure I said good-bye."

"You know, I didn't get to know your father as well as I would have liked, but all these people here loved him very much. Even Peter made it out."

The sadness stole away from his eyes. "I was surprised to see Peter, but I'm glad he got to make it. My father always had a soft spot in his heart for Peter."

"And Sirius," Lily teased, "And Remus. I think your father had a soft spot in his heart for all your Lost Boy friends."

"Lost Boy?" James blinked.

Lily smiled sheepishly. "That's how I've always thought of your friends. Remus was always so sad, and Peter had that awful mother, and Sirius… well, I'll admit I didn't really feel much pity for him until this year, but now that I understand…."

James shook his head. "Yeah. Sirius makes it difficult sometimes. You know, to understand him." After a moment of thinking, James squeezed Lily's hand gently. "Let's go. I'm sure Mum needs my help."

They walked off, hand in hand, down the hill to the base of the cemetery where James gently wrapped an arm around his mother. "Come on, Mum."

Tears swam in Amelia Potter's eyes as she looked over the hill one last time. "I knew that we'd have to say goodbye one day, but… I was not expecting it to be so soon. So very soon."

Swallowing past the burning sensation in her throat, Lily wrapped an arm around Amelia's waist, and laid her head on Amelia's shoulder, something she'd become comfortable doing with the easily affectionate woman., and they slowly made their way down the path to the house on Godric's Hollow.

Returning to school meant a rush of activity that kept the general student population busy, but especially the seventh and fifth years, who were each preparing to take their big tests. Lily and James were no exception, rarely seeing each other doing the day as they holed up in the rooms studying (studying together never turned out well) and went to classes for long periods of time.

Still, everyday at lunch, James and Lily would sit together and talk quietly to each other, or James and his friends would cause a ruckus. Mostly, they said, to rebel against the mounting stress.

One day, in the middle of April, as Lily was preparing for a practice N.E.W.T. in Charms when there was a soft knock on the door. With a sigh of impatience against the world in general, Lily pulled open the door. "Yes?"

James leaned against the doorjamb with his arms crossed over his chest, the same irritated look in his eyes. "Dumbledore wants to see us."

Involuntarily, Lily groaned. "Oh, no! I've got less than 48 hours to practice for this exam and I still haven't done this blasted charm right!"

James nodded. "I've got an exam in Transfiguration tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to survive it. McGonagall pushes me harder than she does any of the others."

"That's because she knows you'll produce results. Sirius is too unpredictable," Lily said, half-teasingly, half-seriously. "What do you suppose Dumbledore wants to see us about?"

Shrugging his shoulders philosophically, James casually laid an arm across Lily's shoulders as they walked down the hall. "I don't know. Can't be that urgent. We could take our time. Lots of broom closets between here and there."

Lily chuckled, despite herself. "Ah, if only we _really_ had time. The things we could do with twenty minutes…"

"Lily," James almost whined, "don't be cruel. I've got a vivid imagination, you know."

"If I'm suffering, you're suffering," Lily shot back, tossing her hair over her shoulder playfully. "Do you remember the password?"

"Of course I do," James said, and leaned into the gargoyle. "Gum drops."

As they had become accustomed to seeing, the gargoyle swept aside, revealing the staircase, and they took the stairs slowly, savoring the time they had together, and feeling a bit like thieves, stealing moments when they weren't supposed to.

"I'm glad to see you would make it, Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans," Dumbledore said as they pushed open the door of the office. "I have a proposition to make to you concerning your future, but I'm not going to do it alone. James, Lily, this is Frank and Alice Longbottom."


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen**

Lily gripped James's hand hard, for some reason feeling an intense pressure start to build in her chest. This wasn't a normal meeting with the headmaster. For one thing, he had never before brought in outsiders, although she remembered Frank and Alice from her first- and second-year days. They'd been Head Boy and Girl, as well as the Prefects for Gryffindor, and seeing them like this, grown up and looking very serious, was a bit hard for Lily to wrap her head around.

"James, Lily, I wanted to ask you about what you see for yourselves in your future. Separately, or together," Dumbledore began. "There are no right or wrong answers."

Lily studied their combined hands for a moment and raised her eyes to meet James's. After a moment, he raised his eyebrows in silent question. When she nodded, James spoke.

"Taking care of my Mum's my first priority," James said. "But I'd like to get into something where I could help with the Death Eater problem, maybe as an Auror or working for the Department of Mysteries."

"I've thought of doing Charms work. Professor Flitwick and I have been talking about maybe having me go to do basic defensive charms for Gringotts after I leave school," Lily suggested. "I haven't honestly done that much thinking about it, though. James and I have been a bit preoccupied lately, honestly."

"Understandable," Dumbledore said, nodding at James, who blinked and squeezed Lily's hand. "Alice and Frank are here to tell you about an option. I want you both to know that you have all the time in the world to think about what they're going to tell you and that I'm not going to pressure you to accept or reject their offer. I will say that I think you both would be an excellent asset to the organization.

"Alice, Frank, it was nice to see you both. I trust you both know your way out?" Frank and Alice nodded. "Good. I have a strong suspicion that there is some mischief going on in the third-floor corridor that needs my attention. Take care, all of you," Dumbledore finished and swept out the door of the office.

"Ah, well, he never did mind making an entrance or an exit," Frank muttered.

"He doesn't need to," Alice interjected.

"Never said that, love, I just said that he doesn't mind it at all." Frank turned his attention to Lily and James and smiled. "Dumbledore didn't tell you much about us."

"We're Aurors," Alice began, "and we work with an organization Dumbledore has set up over the past few years."

"What we're about to tell you is very top secret," Frank said, his face serious. "Dumbledore assures us that we can trust you with our lives, which is essentially what we're doing. Obviously, you'll be given the option to have your memory erased, if you would like to take that extra security measure."

James and Lily exchanged a look full of uncertainty before James nodded at Frank to continue.

"The Order of the Phoenix is a group of witches and wizards who stand directly in opposition to Lord Voldemort's ideas about Muggleborns in wizarding society and the methods he uses to enforce those ideas."

James raised an eyebrow and looked at Lily, who had gone very quiet and seemed focused. "I think we'd like to know more."

Lily nodded, and then turned her attention to Alice. "You're both trained as Aurors. Would we be expected to do that?"

Frank shook his head and looked at Alice. "No. Mostly the Aurors are the Order's enforcers. We do some protection and some rescue work, as well. For the most part, though, our job is to feed information we get from the Order to trusted superiors in the Ministry so that we can actually do something about it."

"Most of the members of the Order spend their time looking into the records we can get our hands on about high-ranking Ministry officials, to see where their true allegiance lies, and also on figuring out who the Death Eaters are liable to target next," Alice explained.

"For instance, we have a lot of security posted around your mother, James," Frank said, as he glanced at Alice. "I thought you would want to know that."

"Thank you," James managed, squeezing Lily's hand. "It's good to know that someone's looking after her, especially with Dad gone."

"We found some threatening letters in Harold's correspondence," Lily began.

"Yes, Harold had contacted Dumbledore about those. His stance on Muggle involvement in the government was… no longer popular. We've been keeping an eye on Amelia for him since before his death," Alice said gently.

A cloud crossed James's face. "I knew that they weren't receiving the support they wanted from their peers, but I didn't know that they were being threatened seriously. I wish Dad would have told me."

"James," Lily said, laying a hand on his forearm, "you know they were just trying to keep you from worrying too much so that you could focus on your studies."

"One of the reasons we wanted to approach you two first about the Order is because of your parents, James. They've always been considered among the foremost experts on Muggle relations. We knew from Dumbledore that you were of the same mind and that you might be willing to do something to help," Frank said.

"And Lily, you're one of the most promising Muggleborn students to come to Hogwarts in several years," Alice said. "Your talents with Charms and spell-building Arthimancy would be an incredible help to the Order, not mention your incredible talent with Potions."

Lily swallowed and looked at James, who was leaning forward in his chair, running a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration. "I… well, of course we want to do something," he said, looking at Lily, who nodded. "We just hadn't… factored any of this into our plans for the future."

"Understandable," Alice said before Frank could speak. "Why don't you two take a while, think it over, and let Dumbledore know? We're not going to pressure you to join. We do think you'd be a wonderful addition to our team."

"Voldemort needs to be taken down," Frank said after a pause. "This is one way you can help. All I know is, I don't want my kids growing up in a world where Voldemort is a reality. Lily, you know how it is, how you have to try harder than the so-called 'purebloods'. I watched my Muggleborn friends try their best to prove themselves for years here at Hogwarts, and it shouldn't have to be that way."

James nodded. "I want the same thing for my children, and I've thought about that a lot. I'm not sure this is the best vehicle for us to use our talents in, though. Let us think about it. I don't want to make any decisions without consulting Lily first."

Alice smiled. "I had a feeling when I walked in that would be the way it was."

"We'll let Dumbledore know within a couple of days what we've decided," Lily said, rising to her feet and stretching out her hand. "It was lovely to see you again. Thank you for taking the time to talk to us."

"It was nice to see you," James said, standing shortly after Lily did and shaking hands with the couple. "Thanks for your time."

After Frank and Alice left through the fireplace, Lily and James stood for a moment, staring at each other.

"Order of the Phoenix, eh? I wonder how they come up with that name," James mused out loud.

"Sounded better than Order of the Mandrake," Lily muttered and grinned as James exploded into laughter and kissed her on the cheek.

"So. What do you want to do?" James asked as they headed towards Gryffindor Tower.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "It sounds like they're really doing something, at the very least. The Ministry seems to be incapable of doing anything to stop him."

"Hm, I agree," James said, taking a turn that would extend their walk. "If we join the Order – we should do it together, don't you think?"

Lily nodded. "Yes. There have been more and more attacks on Muggleborn witches and wizards over the past few months. We have to do _something_, and I'd rather do it together."

James stopped their forward motion. "I'm all for it, but if we join and the Death Eaters get a hold of our name, then the danger to you increases… probably ten times over. I'm not sure if I can live with that."

"If we don't join, we'll get ineffective jobs at the Ministry and watch as our friends get attacked and probably die, when we know we could have helped. I'm not sure if I can live with that," Lily replied.

"Okay, so we're decided?"

"We're decided."

* * *

Studying for N.E.W.T.s required isolation and complete silence, Remus thought, and there was nothing wrong with getting a head start, especially since he needed a break from Peter's sulking and Sirius's manic-depressive mood swings. "You know it's a bad sign when _I'm_ the only one who's remotely normal," he muttered to himself as he returned a book on object-to-animal Transfiguration.

"Lupin," called a voice that was irritatingly familiar and greasy all at the same time. "If I could have a moment of your time."

"Severus," Remus replied, turning to face his old enemy with a half-smile on his face. "To what do I owe this somewhat dubious pleasure?"

"Listen, you flea-ridden bane of humanity, I'm hear to make you an offer," Snape bit out, looking thoroughly disgusted at the idea of having to have a one-on-one conversation with Remus.

"I'm sorry, Snape, but some of us don't have to sell our personal favors to make ends meet at the end of the month," Remus retorted with a smirk. "I'm afraid we don't have much to talk about then, do we?

"Lord Voldemort wants the services of… _beings_ like you, Lupin. And he's willing to make it worth your while."

Remus stopped cold, feeling a wave of nausea and dizziness hit him. "Did you give that… perversion of a man my name, Severus?"

"Do I _look_ that stupid? No, no I didn't. Play your cards close to your chest, that's all I'm saying. If anyone were to find out… well, you would be approached, and you _would_ give your services whether you wanted to or not."

Remus paled, and then nodded. "I suppose I ought to thank you for the head's up, then."

"No. Don't. They might very well be watching me right at this minute. Don't say a thing. Look shocked and angry. Then tell me you're not interested and walk away. Got it?"

"Like you said, do I _look_ stupid?" Remus retorted, and headed toward a more populated area of the library. "Listen, Snape," he said in a much louder voice than the one he'd been using, "take your offer and shove it, all right? I'm not interested in you or the Death Eater agenda."

As Remus stomped off, Snape watched him with a smirk. "Well, that was rather more than I asked for."

"Severus," a Slytherin third year said, "did he turn you down?"

"Yes. That's what you should come to expect from Gryffindors, though. Too blinded by their perverted sense of nobility and loyalty to see the true glory of our quest. It's futile to ask them to join our cause. Let that be a lesson to all of you."

"Yes, Snape," he answered and nodded his head in deference as Snape swept past him. "Um… Severus?"

"What?" Snape turned around to face the boy, who was shaking in his shoes, although he was crafty enough not to show it.

"If you knew he wasn't going to say yes, why did you ask him?'

Snape stopped. "Because I firmly believe in the concept of self-preservation."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the beta, Daily Prophet Reporting! You did an amazing job, as usual! 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Chapter Nineteen**

Regulus bent over the toilet of the boys' bathroom in the Slytherin dungeon, empting his stomach of most of its contents. The cold of the night had seeped into his bones and he shivered violently. He was certain there were icicles growing out of his fingers.

There was a loud clambering in his brain, the sights and sounds of the scene he had just witnessed playing over and over in his mind, layering on top of one another until there was nothing but a cacophony of voices and screams and curses ringing in his ears. Ringing and building without relief until the sound was overwhelming and he could hear nothing but the roar of an ocean of hate hitting him head on.

This had been the first night that his newfound 'friends', the junior Death Eaters, had let him see what their activities were really like. Regulus had never encountered cruelty so ruthlessly unmasked before. He was now very aware of what Lord Voldemort actually had in mind. His mission to cleanse the wizarding world of Muggle influence was turning more into a free-for-all of torture, rape and death. The practical application of the Voldemort's vision was nothing like the ideals of a clean, orderly world that had been so impressed upon him by his parents.

The concerned "tsking" sound had him rising to his feet immediately. Though not everyone in Slytherin was a bully, one learned at a very early age to be alert at all times, if you could. Wiping the back of his mouth, he was almost certain he looked normal by the time Richard Carmen came around the stall and saw him there.

"Lose your supper, did you?" he asked, a bit of a nasty smile gracing his face.

Seeing no point in denying what was obviously the truth, even for the salvation of his reputation, Regulus shrugged his shoulders. "Dinner didn't agree with me, that's all."

In a rare show of sympathy, Carmen crossed the room and laid a gentle hand on Regulus's shoulder. "It's not easy, what we have to do. Some of it's not as glorious as they make it sound when they hand you the package, I know."

Swallowing, Regulus tried to chuckle. "That's a bit of an understatement."

"But you know," Carmen said, crossing the room to lean against the wall directly opposite Regulus, "it has to be done. Without any lines between Muggle and wizarding societies…"

"…we'll lose our identity, I know," Regulus said. "It's just that… why were we attacking random Muggle families with no wizarding connection?"

"That's more of a test, you see," Carmen said, tapping his fingers on the wall idly. "To see if you've got the, er, stomach," he paused and raised an eyebrow at Regulus, "to handle the kind of work that's going to be necessary to fulfill the Dark Lord's vision."

"What about killing random Muggles is fulfilling the Dark Lord's vision?" Regulus dared to ask, feeling a bit like his older brother in that moment as some of the things Sirius had pointed out to him rang in his head.

"There's the fallacy in your thinking. Nothing with the Dark Lord is random. Those Muggles must have had some connection to the wizarding world. Offspring of a Squib, perhaps."

Blinking a bit at this nonchalant explanation, Regulus pressed the issue. "So you really don't care why you're running about torturing them?"

"No. Because I trust that better heads than mine are at the head of our organization. Once you've met them – the Senior Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself, you'll be just as confident as I am that we're doing the right thing for the wizarding world. I guarantee it. Trust a housemate?"

Regulus swallowed the lump that had formed in the heart of his throat. "Always."

"Oh, and Regulus?" Carmen called as Regulus gathered up his belongings to head towards the door.

"Hmm?" Regulus responded, turning around.

"I'm not going to mention this display of weakness to anyone," he said, a sly smile making its way across his face, "and I would advice that you do the same. The Dark Lord does not have time for weak links. And what the Dark Lord does not have time for… he eliminates."

Bowing his head for a moment, Regulus nodded. "I understand."

Taking the pause to be the perfect opportunity to sweep out of the room, Carmen let the door bang shut behind him. After a series of deep breaths, Regulus swung his book sack on his back and made his way to the Slytherin Common Room, where he did his best to join in the socializing taking place there.

He knew only one thing. Tomorrow he would talk to his brother. If anyone could think of a way to get him out of this, Sirius could.

* * *

The Great Hall the next morning was less boisterous than usual. The antics of the Death Eaters the night before had made the early morning news, destroying any hint of pre-Easter revelry. The relatives of those who had been attacked were marked by tear-stained cheeks and hollow eyes.

At the Gryffindor table, one of the second years sat quietly at the end, seeming oblivious, while a group of her friends tried to comfort her. As Professor Dumbledore passed on his way to the High Table, he paused to whisper something in her ear which made her nod and her breath catch.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts," Dumbledore began, "I do not have to impress upon you the serious nature of last night's events. The wizarding world is entering into a dark age, where we cannot be certain who our friends and who our enemies are. Therefore, I advise you to keep your friends close and to comfort your housemates in their grief. The true danger in a philosophy like Voldemort's is that it elevates one human being over another. I remind you quite solemnly, ladies and gentlemen, that while we do practice the art of magic here, in these great halls, outside of them and in the Muggle world, we are all practicing the true magic – life! Respect each other, my students, and you will find your life much easier to bear.

"As to the rumors that some of the students at Hogwarts participated in last night's… atrocities… I have heard neither damning nor exonerating evidence. However, measures have been taken to reassure myself and Mr. Filch that no students will be able to leave the Hogwarts grounds after the curfew without permission. We have taken the liberty of destroying several of the hidden passages well-known to all of the Houses as well as some we ourselves were not aware of.

"I issue only one warning to those students who find Voldemort's ideals, if you may call them that, so appealing as to join his group he calls the Death Eaters. Such a decision will mean you face immediate expulsion from school and the strictest persecution under the law."

At this announcement, the school went still.

"I advise great caution, my students, in approaching the decisions you make here in the next few months. They may affect your entire lives."

As Dumbledore sat down and the food appeared, Sirius tapped his fingers against the table.

"I don't think I've ever met a man so well-equipped to destroy my drop entire? appetite before in my entire life," he whined.

"Oh, stuff it," Remus muttered irritably, his head still pounding from the last full moon. "People died last night. That's a bit more important than your stomach."

"I'm not saying it isn't," Sirius shot back, "I'm just saying that if I want to have a chance in hell of surviving an encounter with one of these basket cases, I'm going to need my food. That's all."

Remus sighed, and James looked up from the Daily Prophet. "What concerns me most is the idea of Hogwarts students being out there," he said, furrowing his brow. "How do they get sucked up into this… whatever it is? Cult?"

"Well, we do know about the Junior Death Eaters," Lily put in, speaking in her firm Head Girl voice. "Dumbledore seems to think he's firmly disbanded that organization."

"Has he?" Sirius raised an eyebrow and bit into a sausage with more fervor than was probably needed. "I don't see how you could wipe that trash out. It's a bit like mold. Once that idea starts growing in your head, it takes some pretty serious magic to knock it out."

Unable to help himself, Peter snorted. "What sort of magic did you use, Sirius?"

James and Remus exchanged a humorous look, but Sirius leaned forward and looked Peter straight in the eyes. "However, these Junior Death Eaters have chosen to package their poison, they've got my little brother by their nasty claws. I don't find it that humorous."

"Lighten up, Sirius," James said, reaching across Lily to get the butter and secretly thrilling that his forearm had brushed her chest. "He didn't mean anything by it."

"I know he didn't mean anything by it," Sirius muttered. "That's why he's still alive and talking."

"Chill out, Sirius," Remus said in his overly patient voice. "This is not exactly the most appropriate time to be discussing harming anyone, right?"

A bit disconcerted that Remus had mentioned it, Sirius leaned back in his seat and cleared his throat. "If we're going to talk about harming anyone, I think we should talk about what should be done to any Hogwarts student they can link to this massacre. I'm not sure expulsion is nice enough for them."

"Sirius," Lily said warningly.

"Back in the good old days, when my grandfather went to school here, they used to hang students up by their thumbs in the basement as punishment. And when that wasn't severe enough, professors were known to put permanent hexes on students. Just think, Peter, you could be walking around with jelly legs for the rest of your life."

"You could be walking around with your lips sewed together for the rest of your life if you don't calm down," James said threateningly.

"I'm just saying… why let these blokes live when they're running around killing Muggle-borns, Squibs and Muggles without any sense of discretion? I say we line them all up against a wall and take care of the problem."

Horrified, Lily opened and closed her mouth several times. The whole of the Great Hall was disturbingly quiet.

Rising to his feet, James cleared his voice. "Take 20 points from Gryffindor for showing a supreme lack of tact or empathy, Sirius."

Sirius rose to his feet, ready to protest. "No," Lily said softly, aware that all eyes were on them. "You made a mistake, Sirius. There's no point in arguing."

A very pale Remus looked the other way when Sirius made eye contact with him for help. Although none of the Gryffindors were aware, some of the teachers had risen to their feet, ready to stop a brawl should one arise, but the unspoken hierarchy that had ruled since their first year won over any other social rules. James had made his decision.

"I apologize, mate," Sirius said softly. "That was out of line."

Nodding, Lily took James's hand, and they walked together out of the Great Hall, James's head up high, though his shoulders were tense.

After a moment, conversation picked back up in the Great Hall. Remus and Peter resumed a quiet conversation while Sirius stewed in silence. A short while later, he rose to his feet. When Remus asked him about his unfinished food, Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

"I just can't take disappointing him, that's all." With that, he made his way out of the Great Hall and up the stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room.

Only one pair of eyes watched his complete progress out of the Hall, and they belonged to a very frightened boy at the Slytherin table, who had just realized that his last hope of mercy had abandoned him.

* * *

Walking side by side across the Hogwarts grounds later that afternoon, Lily and James were given a wide berth by their classmates. Most everyone knew that under regular circumstances they could approach the Head Boy and Girl if they had a problem, but there was something about today.

"I can't believe he said those things," James muttered after a length of time. They had reached the lake and stood on the shore, watching the water lap against the shore.

"Sirius has a hot head," Lily said softly, rubbing James shoulder reassuringly.

"It's just that… we're not any better than them if we talk that way!" James said, bending down and picking a rock up off the shore.

Lily watched, an aching inside her chest, as James threw the rock across the water. "You know he didn't mean what he said."

"He's my best mate, Lily. I just…"

"I know," Lily said reassuringly. "You expect more out of Sirius. I think Sirius expects more out of himself, most of the time."

James nodded, pulling Lily in close to him so that she was snuggled in his chest. "I should write Mum. She'll want to know that I'm all right."

"Yes, she will," Lily said, a sudden longing for her own mother suddenly overwhelming her. Tears came to her eyes before she could chase them away.

James pressed her even closer to him. Her face was buried in his shoulder as she cried silently for her mother and for those students who might also now be without mothers or fathers.

"I can't get it out of my head," James finally admitted, "that it could have been you. It could be you any time, now. I've already lost my dad. Mum… she may not make it long without Dad. What am I going to do if I lose you? I just… can't."

"I'm scared too, James. I can't lose you either. You're all I've got left in the world."

Pulling her in close, James pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Lily."

Lily lifted her face, and they kissed softly, exchanging comfort and hope. "I love you too, James."


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty**

James pushed himself out of bed, restless and unable to sleep. Careful not to disturb the other boys sleeping in the same room, he padded his way out and down the stairs to the common room. Rain was falling outside the Hogwarts walls, a sound he normally found soothing. In light of recent events, the rain only served as static in the background to the noise in his head.

Pausing for a moment in his aimless journey, James gazed out the window that faced the Quidditch pitch. It struck him, as it did at odd moments now and again, that he would be playing his last match there shortly. Soon enough it would be time to grow up, to move on into the real world, to join the Order.

At seventeen, James felt the weight of the world pressing down on his shoulders. He felt an increasing responsibility towards the students at Hogwarts and to the world at large. He knew he was a gifted wizard since most wizards were never able to complete the Animagus transformation, let alone completing it at fifteen.

The portrait door swung open at that moment, and a very wet Sirius Black appeared. James sighed and laid his head against the window.

"Fancy seeing you here," Sirius said a bit awkwardly. "I, um, just went out for a bit of a stroll."

"Good idea," James said sarcastically. "It's a fabulous time to be wandering about outside of Hogwarts by yourself."

"Listen, James, I don't need a mum, all right? I have one of those. She's a royal bitch, and I'm not in the mood to replace her with my best mate."

"Okay, Sirius. Be the world's greatest prat. It's fine with me. I just don't think it's a great idea to be wandering about by yourself while you're spouting off about how Death Eaters deserve an Avada Kedavra. That's two dumb moves in one day." James turned to head up to the boys' dormitory, exhausted and disappointed.

"I already said I'm sorry. I don't know what crawled up your arse and died, mate, but take it someplace else. I haven't got the patience for this."

With a howl of repressed rage, James lunged forward and grabbed Sirius by the cloak. "Do you have a death wish? You're running around Hogwarts making a complete arse of yourself, without any of us around to make sure no one kills you or you don't kill anyone else…."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you blew it last year, all right? It means I don't trust you any further than I could throw you. You're my best mate, but I can't bloody _trust_ you anymore. I was getting close again, and you had to open your big, stupid mouth…."

"Wait a damned minute," Sirius interjected, pushing James's hands away from his cloak. "Remus is the only one who needed to forgive me, and he's already done that!"

"Really? You think so? Remus didn't pull him out of the range of that tree, did he? Remus didn't have to sit in Dumbledore's office the morning after and explain to Dumbledore what happened, did he? Remus needed to forgive you, and he did. I needed to forgive you, and I did. But I still don't trust you."

Sirius blinked at this declaration, turning his back to James and walking over to one of the squashy armchairs that decorated the common room. Plopping down in one of the chairs, he rested his head in one of his hands. "I'm trying, James, I really am."

"You just can't think before you speak, can you?" James asked, taking one of the armchairs across the room.

Sirius laughed harshly. "No, I can't. One of my failings in life."

James inhaled. "We're men now, Sirius. We're not boys anymore. We can't hide behind house rivalries and hastily made opinions. In a few months we're going to walk out of here and we're going to have make a living doing _something_, and we're going to have to stand for something worthwhile. Doesn't that scare the shit out of you?"

"Yeah," Sirius admitted glumly. "All that responsibility – don't suppose it's going to be much different for either of us, though. I mean, you're legally responsible for your mum now, and the family finances and stuff. I've been on my own since last year."

"Yes," James said, staring into the common room fire. "I don't suppose it will be all that different, although…"

"Got something on the brain?" Sirius asked cautiously, mindful of James's words earlier.

"It could have been Lily, you know," James muttered, carefully avoiding Sirius's gaze. "If these Death Eaters are after Muggle-borns, then it could have been Lily. They could have taken her or her family members. Lily's a right powerful witch, but…"

"Doesn't matter a tick when you're head over heels in love with her, does it?" Sirius asked, a thread of pain in his voice. "You still want to be with her all the time to make sure -- well, I guess to protect her."

James nodded. "She says it's an alpha male tendency."

Sirius and James locked gazes and chuckled. "I thought that was more of a canine thing," Sirius said, kicking at the carpet.

"Listen," James said suddenly, leaning forward and murmuring a spell under his breath. It was one Sirius recognized. It allowed them three minutes of time where no one could hear what they were saying. "Lily and I were approached a week or so ago by Dumbledore, and Alice and Frank Longbottom."

"You don't say?" Sirius was truly baffled. "They didn't run round with us much while they were here. They were too much older."

"No, they didn't, but they wanted to come to me and Lily personally. Seems Dumbledore's started this organization. He's calling it the Order of the Phoenix."

"Well, that's catchy at the very least," Sirius muttered.

"I'll say. Points to Dumbledore for creativity," James returned. "Anyway, the point is, they've got this Order running around trying to defeat Voldemort. Seems they don't think the Ministry's doing an effective enough job."

"Damn right they aren't," Sirius agreed enthusiastically. "Maybe if the Minister's head weren't so far up his…"

"Yes, well, they've asked Lily and I to join. We decided we would."

Sirius leaned back. "That sounds downright dangerous – possibly even reckless. How'd they get Lily to sign on?"

"We both agreed that getting rid of Voldemort is more important than worrying about personal safety," James said. "We had to have a _talk_ about it."

Sirius winced sympathetically. "One of the ones where they do most of the talking and then come around to 'your' decision without much input from you?"

James chuckled. "That's it exactly. I guess I wanted to say that you should think about joining as well, Sirius. Doesn't have to be your full-time job if you don't want it to, but I know how you feel about this psychopath, so…"

"Where do I sign up?"

"Dumbledore said to schedule a time to meet with him privately. Okay, thirty seconds left on our time. One more thing I wanted to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to ask Lily to marry me."

"_What_?"

* * *

"I'm telling you, he was bloody serious. More serious than I've seen him be about anything in a long time." Sirius was seated on his bed, cross-legged, talking with emphatic gestures as was his custom. "He's really going to take the plunge."

"Oh, like we couldn't see that one coming from a mile away," Peter said a bit snidely. "Spends all his time with her, doesn't he?"

"Never thought Prongs would be the first one to go down," Sirius said mournfully. "I was expecting you, Moony."

Remus looked up from his book with a sad half-smile. The full moon was approaching and he was feeling ill, but he was trying to drum up energy for his friends' conversation. "I'd have to find a woman, Sirius. Then I'd have to explain about my condition, and she'd still have to love me. I imagine that will take a bit of time."

"Your acne is not that bad," Sirius teased, pelting a pouch of chocolate frogs at Remus's books. "Some woman will fall in love with you despite the scars and the pus."

Peter snorted. "And the monthly hormonal outbreak…"

Sirius and Remus laughed aloud. Putting his book down, Remus opened the pouch of chocolate frogs and bit into one enthusiastically.

"It's not really all that hard to believe, actually," he said thoughtfully. "James is the grownup. You know that. I'm the bookworm; Sirius, you're the kid; and Peter, you're the jack of all trades."

"What does that make Lily, then? The mum?" Peter asked, stretching out on his own bed.

"No. Lily is too hot to be the mum," Sirius said, as though he'd given this great thought. "James is indeed a lucky man. There's something about the way she walks in her skirt, have you noticed?" Gesturing, he swung his hands from side to side in an exaggerated motion.

"Hello, you lot," James said, walking into the dorm with a smile on his face. "What did I miss?"

"Sirius was being a prat," Peter said conversationally, pounding one of his pillows with his fist in a habitual effort to make it fluffier on the sides.

"As per usual," Remus added, still munching on the chocolate frogs. "What're you smiling about?"

"What? Can't a bloke smile these days without getting the third degree?"

"Not since Sirius leaked the news that one of these days, you're going to be voluntarily shackling yourself," Peter said with a grin.

James groaned. "Don't let it get out all around Gryffindor, all right? I want it to be special. I don't want her to see this coming from a million miles away."

"Put much thought into how you're going to do it?" Remus asked, inspecting the pouch for more chocolate frogs and coming up disappointed. "You know, since you want to make it 'special'?"

"Yeah. I think I'm going to wait until a rainy day," James said with a small smile. "I want to take her for a walk around the lake."

"Are you going to get on your knee and play chivalrous knight?" Peter asked, before assuming a much deeper voice than he normally spoke in. "My fairest lady, shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

"Nay, for I'm out to prove I'm not a puff, marry me and we'll be gay!" Sirius finished with a hoot of laughter at his own intelligence.

"It's disgusting what you two do to classics in the name of wit," Remus muttered.

"Oh, lighten up Moony, can't you see the man's a nervous wreck?" Sirius returned, rising to his feet and slinging his arm around James's shoulders. "Look at him, he's pale, can't sleep or eat…."

"Actually, no," James said, calmly removing Sirius's arm from around his shoulder. "I'm feeling absurdly calm about the whole thing."

"The true mark of an insane man," Sirius said.

"You do realize," Remus said, walking over to sit at the window, "that this means you'll only get to kiss one woman for the rest of your life?"

"I've always been sort of a one woman man. Playing the field is more of Sirius's game."

"Are you suggesting I'm promiscuous?" Sirius placed a hand over his heart, mockingly affronted. "How dare you, sir! My reputation is impeccable."

"You're an impeccable rake," Peter shot back, twirling his foot idly. "Ever since you ended it with Patricia, I don't think you've looked at the same girl twice in one night."

"Wanted to take advantage of the newfound variety," Sirius said with a grin. "The glorious, voluptuous, hip-swinging variety."

Remus tsked. "Some day, my friend, you'll appreciate the value of a woman's mind."

"Oh, I appreciate it, all right. It's just not necessary for a good snogging, if you take my meaning."

"Sirius, you're a prat," James reprimanded, but his heart wasn't in it. His heart was in the Lily's dormitory, probably brushing her hair for bed. Hastily realizing he would have to think of something different in order to avoid an embarrassing situation, he started taking out his bed things from his trunk.

"What are the plans for the full moon, you lot?" Sirius asked as James was pulling out his Transfiguration textbook. Nothing took his mind off of sex like History of Magic, simply because it was so mind-numbing.

"I figured we'd take a run all the way down to the river and back," James suggested. "Peter, you can ride on my antlers like last time since you can't keep up."

"Need to get rid of some excess energy, do you?" Remus teased.

"Yeah, I suppose I do. I'm trying hard not to be a prat," James admitted. "She's just… a classy girl, you know?"

"Yeah, we know. You're a besotted idiot. Case closed," Sirius said. "So, the river it is, then?"

"The river it is," Remus said.

"I'm all for it," Peter agreed.

"Well, I'm going to put out the lights, then. If we're going to do all that in one night, we're going to need energy," James said, and with a wave of his hand, the lights were extinguished and all of the Marauders drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Thanks for the beta, DPR! Did y'all like that break from the unrelenting angst? I did. Let me know what you thought! 


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Lily woke up that morning to the early spring sounds of birds singing outside of her window. Rolling over, she let out a deep sigh, absently thinking that the birds were probably just as glad as she was that it was the weekend. There would be a pleasant warmness to the day, and maybe she could convince James to take a walk down by the lake with her. She did like to kiss him there, with the wind playing gently with her hair and the sound of the water lapping against the shore in the background. Actually, she thought with a smile, she liked to kiss James anywhere she went.

Rolling out of bed, she let her feet hit the ground and stood up slowly, stretching out her body, reaching towards the ceiling. Just as she was walking to her trunk to select clothes to wear that day, she heard the tapping of an owl at her window.

She untied the small piece of parchment and thanked the owl, identifying James's handwriting immediately. Instantly, ridiculously, her heart skipped a beat.

"Bit early for you, isn't it James?" she asked, untying the ribbon he'd wrapped around the parchment. "And a bit fussy…."

_Lily,_ the parchment read, _spend the day with me. _

"Oh, James," she whispered, feeling foolishly alive and tingly. The owl gave a soft hoot and Lily jumped, realizing that it was probably waiting for a reply. Quickly, she scrawled her agreement on a fresh piece of parchment and handed it to the owl. "If you could take this back to James, please, I would appreciate it."

The owl hooted softly and took off out the window.

Obviously, Lily thought, there was a reason James was going to all this trouble. He hadn't said to dress for anything special, but if he was going to send her an owl at eight o'clock in the morning, she might as well put a bit of thought into her appearance. She brushed out her long, straight hair, deciding against doing anything to pull it back. From her trunk she selected a soft pink jumper to wear with one of her simple grey skirts. There, she thought. Easy, yet pretty. For a moment, she thought briefly of adding color to her lips, or perhaps her cheeks, but she rarely went to the trouble before and James seemed to like her anyway.

She nearly skipped down the stairs, happy at the prospect of spending the whole day with James. When she got to the common room, there he was, comfortable in his green jumper and jeans.

"Hi, James," she said, unaccountably timid.

* * *

James gulped. There she was, looking shy and soft in her pink sweater. Quashing the urge to run up to her and gather her up in his arms, he grinned. "Hi, Lily."

Nodding at the greeting, she crossed the room to stand in front of him. "This is a bit early on a Saturday for you to be up."

"I know," James said with a laugh. "But I just thought, you know, with the N.E.W.T.s and everything, I would have to get your attention early."

"Research proves you do better on your tests if you study early and take breaks," Lily said, trying to be serious even though she was smiling.

"What does research say about all-day breaks with your boyfriend?" James asked teasingly, taking her hand and pulling her closer to him.

"Oh, I don't think they've done much research on that, but it is my expert opinion, having done years of studying myself, that all-day breaks with your boyfriend are very beneficial indeed to your overall sanity," Lily said as James wrapped her in a hug.

"Good morning," he said very seriously.

"Good morning," Lily returned as his lips descended and pressed against hers, at first sweetly. Lily gripped James shoulders as he deepened the kiss, seeking entrance with his tongue. When she granted it, Lily felt the world tilt. Although James had certainly done this before, and a bit besides, there was a new intensity in his motion.

Lily pulled away after a minute. "James, I think, if you keep going along that vein, we won't be able to stop."

James looked abashed. "I'm sorry, I…"

Lily pressed a finger against his lips. "There's nothing to worry about. Just… hold that thought."

James grinned, kissing her cheek. "Okay. I'm excellent at holding_ those_ kinds of thoughts."

"I didn't think it would be a problem," Lily teased, laughing. "So… what do you have planned for us today?"

"I thought we'd catch an early breakfast and then spend the day outside. I've got a picnic for us."

Lily smiled. "That sounds wonderful. What are Remus, Sirius and Peter up to?"

"Well, Remus wanted to have one more study session, you know, before… next week, so Sirius and Peter are obliging him. I skived off. That's okay, though. I have permission."

Lily laughed. "Permission to skip hanging out with your friends? I didn't think that was ever given out."

"Yeah, well," James blushed, "they all know you're really important to me, so I get special dispensation from the blokes."

Lily blushed all the way to the tips of her ears. It was hard for James to say emotional things, so when he did manage to get them out, they were always more effective.

"You're pretty important to me, too," she responded, feeling the heat between them grow until it was unbearable. Quickly, she took a step away.

"So, then… breakfast?" James asked awkwardly.

"Yes, let's," Lily said, and they walked hand-in-hand down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

* * *

The sun was shining gently, warming the shores of the lake as James and Lily lay on their blanket after their feast. There was a tree and a hidden spot next to the lake, and James and Lily often came here when they craved privacy. Lily had brought a book, and James had brought his Snitch, but they both remained ignored. They had spent the bulk of the morning talking softly of everything and nothing, the way James could only do with Lily. They spoke of future plans, the home they would buy, the sort of jobs they would take, how many children they would have… and in the lazy haze of their post-lunch stupor, Lily had simply curled into James's side and fallen asleep, her arm across his chest with her head buried in his shoulder. The rhythmic rise and fall of Lily's chest and the warmth of the sun had lulled James to sleep as well.

Although he had been the last to fall asleep, he was the first to wake up. Lily's hair had ended up spread all across his chest and her leg was thrown over the two of his. He was instantly struck by how _nice_ it was to wake up this way, to know that he could reach for her and she would be there. When he wanted to play with her hair he could simply raise his hand and grab a few of the strands. This… this was his future.

Carefully, he picked up some of the hair and ran it through his fingers, fascinated by the color, the smoothness and the scent of it – honeysuckle and summer and the freedom of running through the garden outside of his home during the holidays. He would never be able to smell a honeysuckle again without thinking of her and this day, he knew.

Lily was stirring, her leg moving back and forth in a very distracting rhythm, and her hands clenching his shirt and then relaxing in a continuous pattern. When she finally fluttered her eyelashes open, she had moved so close he could feel them against his cheek.

"Good afternoon, James," she whispered, showing no inclination to move away from him. In fact, she inched closer and kissed the line of his jaw. "This was a wonderful idea."

James bent his head to look at her and smiled. "Thank you. I'm allowed one or two a year."

"Well, I'm glad you used it on this, then," Lily said, throwing her leg all the way over him and sitting on his stomach. "Thank you, James. Let's have some privacy, yeah?"

"Yeah," James said with a smile, and casted a quick concealment charm.

He rarely got to see the playful side of Lily, but here she was, sitting _on top_ -- oh God, she really was on top of him. He almost pinched himself to make sure he was awake. This seemed a bit like a scene from one of his dreams, with her sitting on top of him in that delicious pink sweater, hair falling in her face while she studied him through sleep-hazed eyes.

Then she bent down from the waist and kissed him, and all the intensity of the morning returned, as they let their tongues begin a joyful dance that they rarely indulged in. Lily rocked her hips against James's stomach while he played with her hair.

Unable to take it anymore, James rolled them both over so he was on top of her, deepening his kisses, as they both let their hands wander to places previously unexplored. He was unable to contain himself, pushing her shirt up and grasping one of her breasts, confined still in her bra.

Lily gasped, her eyes glazing over at the pleasure. The sound made him freeze.

"Lily, I…"

Blinking, she looked up at him and became instantly aware of what they'd just been doing. She inwardly cursed her sense of decorum and self-consciousness. She'd become keenly aware that she had been about to consummate her relationship with James Potter on the Hogwarts lawn.

They both broke eye contact in that moment as James rolled off of her and lay on his back, panting and trying to get himself under control.

"I'm sorry," James whispered, closing his eyes against the late afternoon sun. "I didn't mean to…"

"No, James. You're fine," Lily said, rolling over on her stomach so she could sit up gracefully. "We both got… lost." Her eyes lowered, she tossed her head. "I know it's hard for you to stop, James… I'm sorry."

"Just… don't say 'hard', please," James said painfully, and they both laughed, a bit embarrassed. "You know, Lily, someday, I'd like…"

"I know," Lily said quickly, running a hand through her hair quickly, trying to disentangle any tell-tale messiness. "I would like that. Very, very much. Some day soon. I just can't do… _that_ on Hogwarts grounds. Not while I'm supposed to be the Head Girl."

"And I'm supposed to be the Head Boy," James said in agreement. "This 'setting an example' thing is hard to handle, sometimes."

Lily groaned. "Tell me about it. All those lovely things you were doing with your hands…"

"The way you were rocking…" James said, his cheeks red from excitement. "That was brilliant."

"You're brilliant. We're brilliant together," Lily said loudly, giving James a very enthusiastic kiss. "How many months until school is out?"

"Too damned many," James responded, gently pulling Lily down on top of him. "Let's just lie here together, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily said, settling herself in and entwining one of her hands in his. "This has been a lovely day, James. It was a wonderful idea."

"We're both going to be red from laying out in the sun like we were," James said, rubbing Lily's arm.

"I don't care," Lily said recklessly. "I felt a bit like a giant cat, all stretched out next to you like that. I could just sit here forever and absorb the sun."

James laughed, and the vibration of it sent delicious shocks through Lily all over again. "You're not going to care tomorrow when your nose looks like a cherry?"

"Nope. It will remind me of you."

Once again, Lily had managed to twist his heart inside of his chest. Would he ever be comfortable with this woman, who was all mood swings and highs and lows and competence and fire? He was comfortable now, with her on top of him, the gentle rhythm of their breathing settling to a single pattern.

"Lily, do you want to go for one last walk 'round the lake before we head up to the castle?" James asked suddenly, sure that his voice had jumped up to an unnatural octave and that he didn't sound quite like himself.

Lily didn't seem to notice as she immediately sat up and nodded. "Let's draw this out as long as we can."

"Sounds like a plan," James said, rising to his feet and helping Lily accomplish the same goal. He immediately set a lazy pace, compensating for his gangly legs by walking at a ridiculously slow speed.

They didn't speak, having exchanged all the words they needed to that morning and that afternoon, appreciating the deceptive silence of the evening. At first it seemed quiet, but then they became keenly aware of the things surrounding them, the gentle swell of the water against the shore, the chirping of the last of the day's birds, the distant sounds of hollering and laughter on the lawn.

They'd nearly made it back around to their picnic spot, a good hour's walk, before James spoke again. "Lily, I… I wanted to ask you something."

"James, you sound quite serious!" Lily said teasingly, stopping immediately and squeezing his hand. "Is something the matter?"

"No, not necessarily. Well, sort of. It's like this, Lily. Oh, bugger, I'm not good at speeches," James muttered. When Lily opened her mouth, he shook his head. "Let a bloke bloody _try_, please. This is important. I want you to know this stuff. It's just hard to admit out loud.

"I can't sleep at night for thinking of you. I like the way you smile at me and the way you say my name. I like how you know what I'm thinking sometimes before I do and how you tell me when I'm being a git. I think I'm more than half-mad in love with you, Lily Evans, and I have to tell you that waking up with you this afternoon was the single greatest moment in my life. Greater than being Prongs, better than Christmas morning, and I'd like you to wake up with me every morning, and even after some afternoon naps. I'd like to stay with you for the rest of my life, because I just might go insane if I don't."

As Lily stood gaping, James dropped to a knee, pulling a box from his trousers. "I've been wondering, Lily… would you be my wife?"

Astonished, Lily took a second before she found her voice. While the tears overcame her eyes and her vision blurred, she nodded furiously. She didn't even look at the ring before she jumped into his arms and they exchanged a joyful kiss.

"I love you, Lily," James whispered, letting his forehead drop to hers.

"I love you too, James," Lily whispered back, as the solitaire, princess-cut diamond danced on the ring finger of her left hand. "I love you too."

* * *

Author's Note: Pure, unashamed smuff. Thanks to DPR for the edit. He is indeed a genius, a man among men, a beta among betas, a… okay, you get the point. Let me know what you thought! 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Being a newly engaged seventh year was a bit like being on the top of the pop charts, Lily decided. Classmates stopped her in the hallways and asked to see the ring, and she was often asked if she and James had set a date and what sort of robes would she wear and other questions that she often had no idea how to answer. Even professors seemed excited. McGonagall had given her a whispered congratulations at the end of a Transfiguration lecture, and Professor Flitwick had pumped James's hand enthusiastically, exclaiming that he was indeed a lucky fellow. Still others whispered discreetly, or so they thought, about the beauty of young love.

It was indeed beautiful, Lily thought with a sigh… like her relationship with James so often was. Their journey from miscommunication and misunderstanding to the deepest level of trust was one that few other people would ever understand.

She found herself gazing at the ring at odd moments, in love with the symbolism of the perfect circle around her ring and secure in the knowledge of James's love for her. Although Lily had never needed an outward sign, it was nice that everyone in the world now knew that she was blissfully, willingly, taken.

She remembered dreaming of her wedding when she was a young girl. She'd planned a Muggle ceremony, of course, but James was a pureblood. What did the wizarding society do during a wedding? She _was_ wearing a white gown and she was going to get a veil. She wasn't compromising on that, but everything else was up in the air.

To tell the truth, the ceremony itself seemed distant; a far-off but real part of the future. It would creep up on her, Lily knew, much the same way that the N.E.W.T.s were creeping up on her now. She couldn't insult the legacy of her parents, who had always been so proud of her good marks, by not giving the exams the attention they deserve.

Even James was focused on studying and didn't seem to be giving mischief-making the attention he usually paid it. He still found time to pull her into broom cupboards and snog her senseless, of course, but Lily considered that healthy. One couldn't study all the time and retain sanity.

Pushing open the portrait door, Lily stepped into the common room from her private tutoring session with Professor Flitwick, who seemed to think she had great potential, and found her fiancé (how odd to think of him that way) and his friends huddled around a piece of paper on the coffee table. They were whispering intently and they didn't seem to notice her presence.

"If we take the path here," Peter was saying, "then we can run that course from back in third year, do you remember? How we jumped over that creek and then you had to sort of change directions really fast…."

"Funny how he says 'we'," Sirius said darkly, obviously in a mood. "You just cling on to Prongs for dear life."

"Pete's the navigator," James said easily, diffusing the fight before it began. "C'mon, let's focus here. This is going to be our last… adventure at Hogwarts."

Remus smiled sadly, looking very ill. "The last one, eh? That seems almost melancholy, James."

"Who are you to accuse him of being melancholy? You've been in a funk all week," Sirius retorted.

"At least I'm not being a complete prat to people who are just trying to be friendly," Remus said, his tone deceptively mild.

Deciding it was time to step in, Lily approached the group, resting her hands on James's shoulders. Automatically, James tilted his face to receive her kiss.

"What's going on?" Lily asked, absently massaging James's surprisingly tense shoulders. "You all seem very… absorbed."

"Tonight's the last night for fun at Hogwarts," Peter said mournfully.

"Oh, come on, Peter. There'll be other opportunities for fun," Remus said reprovingly.

"Don't be a prat, Remus. You know what he means. This is the last night that the Marauders ride through Hogwarts, Lils," Sirius said, his face betraying his obvious distress.

"Just think, though. Once you leave Hogwarts, there'll be other areas open to you," Lily said reassuringly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "You can spend your nights of adventure other places."

"Speaking of places," James said suddenly, drawing Lily around so she could sit in his lap, "what do you think of trying to find a place in London? You know, for after the wedding."

Lily nodded. The issue of trying to find a place to live between Hogwarts and the wedding was more pressing in her mind. "That sounds like a great idea, James. I don't think I'll go back to Surrey in between, though. Meg had mentioned that maybe we could live together until she gets married, too. She's all set to marry Conner in August. They managed to talk their parents into pushing the date back."

"Their parents set them up, right?" Peter asked.

"Yes," Lily said.

"I don't care what you say, it's creepy the way they tried to breed us," Sirius muttered. "We're not dogs."

"Well, most of us aren't," James said cheerfully. "You got out of that mindset though, Sirius. I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you."

Sirius nodded, though it was obvious that he was still musing on that wedding. Lily knew that he had been dating a girl from their class named Patricia. Had that been an arranged relationship? She wanted to know, but decided it wouldn't be a good idea to poke into his business like that. Especially when he was in this mood, where anything and everything could set him off.

"I want to run down by the river tonight," Remus said suddenly, turning attention away from subjects that only upset Sirius. "We can swing by that pathway then, Peter."

Nodding eagerly, Peter bounced a little in his seat. "Sounds like a good idea! What do you blokes think?"

James shrugged. "I'm all for it. So is Sirius, right?"

"I can speak for my bloody self," Sirius said, but without his usual heat. "Sounds like a great idea, Pete."

"Okay, down to the river it is," James said, and the other three boys nodded.

* * *

James, Sirius and Peter were getting ready to leave the common room to join Remus for their adventure when Lily pulled him aside discreetly.

"I want to ask you something before you go," Lily said calmly, laying a palm on James's chest.

"All right," James said happily, draping his arms around her middle. "What is it?"

"Will you promise me not to do anything unnecessarily reckless?" she asked seriously, wrapping her arms around James's neck.

"Define 'unnecessary' and 'reckless' first," James said teasingly, kissing her lightly on the mouth.

"James, don't be smart," Lily said, poking him in the chest. "Just be careful tonight. I know you. You've got that look in your eye."

"What look?"

"The 'I'm going to do something stupid because it's a special occasion' look," Lily returned, and sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. "I suppose that's a bit much."

"Lily, look at me." It was incredibly important that she realize how much she meant to him. "I've got too much to live for to do anything _really_ dumb, yeah?"

Lily smiled, watery-eyed. "Yeah, I guess you do."

"No worries, then?"

"No worries."

Then they were exchanging a sweet kiss, full of promise, hope and love. When they parted, James gave her one last look before he disappeared under the Invisibility Cloak and took off for his Last Grand Adventure.

* * *

The waiting was the hardest part. Sometimes the transformation from man to werewolf took agonizing minutes, and sometimes it seemed to happen instantaneously. It was never easy and it was never painless.

The stag stamped his foot. _He's too quiet._

The dog whimpered. _Maybe he's hurt. Let me go in, please? I want to go in. That's my Moony!_

_Too dangerous. Danger, danger, danger!_ The rat's nose quivered.

The dog barked. _Hurry up, Moony! Playtime!_

Inside the Shack, the wolf howled. _Pain! Hurts! Make it stop, stop, stop... Hungry! _

The dog wagged his tail. _Moony's awake! Moony's here! Moony's hungry. Let's __**eat.**_

Tossing his head, the stag regained control of the situation. _No eating. We run._

_Running and eating? _The wolf whined.

_Catch me, Moony! _The stag took off with a leap, down the hill and across the river. _This_ was why James loved being an Animagus. In his human form, he didn't appreciate the joys of exercise as much as this animal did, didn't experience the sights and sounds and smells of the forest.

_Fast, too fast!_ The rat was clinging to the stag's horns. _Slow, slow! Tree!_

_Leaping. I'm leaping. Shush._ The stag was too far gone to be touched with common sense.

_Fun! Oh boy, this is fun! Look at me! _The dog leaped in the air, clearing a small branch and barking in triumph.

_Imitation,_ the wolf says snootily. There is power in this form -- in muscles, in jaw, in mind. He allows the stag to control him because only then can he be free of the insistent demands of his nature and enjoy the feeling of being a predator -- of being the hunter, not the hunted.

_Smell danger. Smell trouble! _The rat was insistent, tugging on the stag's horns. _Humans!_

_Lunch!_ The wolf's mouth watered as he leapt forward.

_Back!_ The dog and the stag jumped in front of the wolf, barring teeth and displaying horns. _Not for eating._

_Huuunnngry_. _Must eat. Hmm, flesh is so tasty._

The dog snarled, nipping the wolf's nose. _No. Not allowed. Not fun. _

_It would be. _The wolf slouched low, belly on the ground. _To chase and shred and tear.__Come play with me, Padfoot._

_Oooh, play. I like to play!_

The stag stamped his foot. _No playing with the humans. Let's play away from them._

The wolf snarled but stalked off in the other direction._ Hungry! No playing until Moony gets food!_

_Food! I like food. Prongs, are we getting food now? _The dog jumped up and down like a puppy, pushing off from the stag's legs until he almost got stepped on.

_Let's go find food,_ the stag agreed, and they ran in the opposite direction.

* * *

"Shush. Do you hear that?" Devon McKinley stopped his ardent caress of a young female breast abruptly. "Do you hear something in the woods?"

"No," Meg whispered, pressing his hand back where, in her mind, it belonged. Giving her pleasure. "I don't hear a thing. Not when I'm with you, anyway."

He leaned in and kissed her, sending a slow, seductive warmth sliding through her blood, warming her in places that Conner's efforts never touched. In August, she would be married to someone else and she wouldn't be allowed this pleasure ever again.

Lucky Lily Evans, with her heirloom engagement ring and her smiling, attractive fiancé who was absorbed in her every minute of every day. How would it feel to have the focus of one man's entire attention on you, Meg wondered. Perhaps it might be disconcerting at first, but she thought she might enjoy that. At least more than the cold disinterest that had been developing between her and Conner, her soon-to-be husband.

"How's that?" he asked. Devon was forever asking, needing constant reassurance. His natural talent made up for his lack of confidence, but it still irritated her enough that she only sought his company out when she was very lonely.

"Hmm, perfect," she whispered, lavishing attention on the nape of his neck, where she knew he loved to be touched and kissed. "You're doing brilliant."

Then he was pushing her over, and he was on top of her abruptly. The sin of seventeen-year-old boys was so often impatience, Meg thought, deliberately slowing him down by concentrating all of her focus on the kiss. They were off like rockets before she'd even had a chance to warm up. At least Devon cared that she got lukewarm before he shot off, unlike her fiancé. And he didn't pull or pinch or demand things she wasn't ready for, like Conner did.

The kiss turned passionate, and the lovers began a slow grind, their hips moving in a rhythm that was not quite natural, not quite as instinctive as Meg had so often heard it would be. Often she had to concentrate to figure out how Devon was moving, but the pulsing and the grinding was causing a very pleasant sensation, and she had to break off the kiss, her eyes locked in a spot somewhere above her head, where she could imagine she was with the man of her dreams, who would come and steal her away from this horrible nightmare. Some nice, affectionate, _Muggle_ man who wouldn't insist on children and marriage and home before she was ready. Someone who would share her obsessions and her passions and wouldn't mind what her family was like.

As Devon slid into her and his grunts became louder, her mind slid further until she was almost separate from herself. When at last they parted, Meg was left as empty and unsatisfied as she had been before. But she _had_ been warm. For however long she'd enjoyed the sensation, she had been warm.

And that was almost worth it.

Walking back to the castle, she wrestled again with her emotions. Guilt and shame at breaking her promise, excitement and arousal that she _had_ broken it, and a strange sort of detachment that left her numb to everything she ought to be feeling.

She remembered being fourteen, desperately obsessed with Conner. She had run to her mother in tears, demanding to know why he was never satisfied with her, why he wasn't interested in her. Her mother had scoffed at her distress. She was emotional, hormonal. Anyone could see that she and Conner were meant to be together -- two purebloods with compatible fortunes and similar interests. That's all it took to make a successful marriage, really.

She'd taken comfort in those words at the time, but now she found them hollow and pale in the light of the relationship she witnessed daily between James and Lily. She no longer wanted compatibility. She wanted passion and excitement. She wanted, no… desperately needed to fall in love. Ideally, of course, the object of her affection would be Conner, but she seriously doubted that would happen. Surely it would have already, if it had been meant to be.

From the Forbidden Forest, a forlorn howl pushed her into the castle quickly. She knew there were reasons why the students weren't allowed to visit that part of the grounds, and she had no desire to find out why when she was alone and without a wand. Brave she was. Foolish she was not.

When she pushed open the portrait, she was surprised to see Lily waiting up on the couch, house coat wrapped around her waist, quilt on her lap. She had fallen asleep, and the book that had been in her hands had fallen to her lap.

Carefully, Meg walked over to Lily and touched her shoulder. "Lily."

Instantly, Lily shot awake. "James! Is there something wrong with James?"

"No. I was just wondering what you were doing awake. Were you having a bad dream or something?" Meg asked, concerned.

"No. I'm just worried about him. He had to leave to attend to some Head Boy stuff earlier this evening that might be dangerous, so I thought I'd wait up for him."

Meg's heart twisted and she squeezed Lily's shoulder. "That's awfully sweet of you, Lily. I'm sure James will appreciate it."

"If he doesn't kill me," Lily said, smiling. "What are you doing up?"

"Late night rendezvous," Meg said nonchalantly. "Just needed some alone time…"

"With Conner?"

Unable to lie, Meg settled for a noncommittal, "Hmm."

"There are times – not often, mind you, but there are times -- when I wish I weren't Head Girl so I could indulge in a few of those with James," Lily admitted wistfully.

"The rules are bollocks," Meg said firmly. "We're almost out. You're of age. You're even engaged. There's not much the staff can say to you now."

Lily sniffed. "It's more of a respect thing."

"I think it's more a scared thing," Meg teased.

"No, believe me. Scared is the last thing we are. Every time we get close… James ends it. He wants us to wait."

"For what? The Second Coming?" Meg snorted. When she saw Lily's face, her expression softened. "Oh, Lily, that's so sweet."

"You keep saying that," Lily chuckled. "It's sweet, I admit. It's also frustrating. It's getting harder and harder to stop."

"That's the way it's supposed to be," Meg said sagely. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go upstairs and wash my face before I crawl into bed. I won't expect to see you until morning."

"Thanks, dear," Lily said absently, returning her attention to the previously forgotten book.

"You're welcome," Meg muttered, before she disappeared upstairs and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks to DPR for the excellent beta reading! And everyone who continues to review on a regular basis, you have my eternal gratitude. Thanks for your loyalty! 


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Sirius paced nervously back and forth in front of the Transfiguration classroom. He was prepared for the exam. He was not prepared for what would happen after the exam, when he would have to trudge upstairs to his dormitory and pack up the last of his things. After this afternoon, he would be a free man. He still had no plan other than to flee to the Potter family home to visit James and his mother for a few weeks while they waited for the Order members to train and initiate them, and then he would start looking for a real job. Because his mother was still alive, none of the Black family money was legally his, and even if it were, he wouldn't be comfortable using it to coast along through life, anyway.

The door swung open and a nervous-looking wizard with a clipboard stepped out and looked around. "Sirius Black?"

Sirius sighed and took a deep breath. "That's me."

"Right inside, please." Gesturing with one arm, the wizard swept Sirius inside and shut the door behind him.

Later, he would admit that he didn't give the examination his full attention, firstly because Transfiguration was one of his better subjects and secondly because his mind was firmly set on other things. Oh, he did well enough, transfiguring a cat into a desk, into a tree, into a very nice set of hand-made robes with red and gold embroidery, a silent homage to his years spent in Gryffindor.

Leaving the room, he paused for a moment outside the door. He'd learned early that one's position in life was ever-changing, that nothing was solid. His time at Hogwarts would eventually have to come to an end. He just hadn't been prepared for his time to end so swiftly.

Although he certainly wasn't one of those students who had their lives planned out, he'd always thought he would have accomplished certain goals by now. Seventeen seemed young, but really, how long did anyone have on Earth? Here James was, madly in love with the same girl he'd been in love with since his prepubescent days, and Sirius couldn't stay with the same girl for more than a month at a time. No one seemed to captivate him the way that Lily captivated James, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. Certainly the hugging and the kissing and the constant companionship would be nice, but was he really ready to meet the woman of his dreams at seventeen? Remus and James reminded him from time to time that he wasn't going to be any good to anyone until he dealt with some of his personal issues.

Inhaling, Sirius reflected on the fact that he would never smell anything like Hogwarts ever again – pumpkin juice, sweat and damp stone. That scent was how Padfoot always found home. He dreaded having to learn a new one.

The walls of Hogwarts had been confining from time to time. He'd failed and picked himself back up again, destroyed trust and earned part of it back again. He'd learned how to be a real wizard in these walls, one unconcerned with blood, race or parentage. True, he wasn't the bookworm Remus was, the loyal friend that Peter was, or the leader James was, but he had developed his own style, his own view on life. This was his comfort zone. It was time to leave, but how would he cope away from the hallowed walls of Hogwarts?

Pushing the door open to the dormitory, Sirius assumed a cheerful face and began to whistle brightly. His moods were volatile, he knew that, but he also knew that acting cheerful and confident put his friends at ease. He had to be ready. For Peter, for Remus, for James. The real world was waiting. Waiting for Sirius Black, and he was coming!

* * *

Peter was feeling melancholy and sort of detached. Sirius was the last one to have to do his Transfiguration N.E.W.T., and so he'd been the last to arrive in the dormitory. Peter was only taking three classes, so he'd been the first.

His trunk was packed, carefully organized and arranged. Remus took a lot of teasing for his methodical study methods, but Peter was infamous for the meticulous way he kept his personal things. His mother was a stickler for cleanliness and order, and Peter was habitual about keeping things the way his mother wanted, even when he was away from her, so the transitions wouldn't seem as harsh.

There didn't seem to be much to do in the room. He paged through a magazine and munched on some Chocolate Frogs. He had a week of free time before he started his job at the Ministry and officially had to become an adult. Maybe he would get an apartment with Sirius and Remus quickly, so he wouldn't have to live with his mother for long.

Giving up on the magazine, he sighed and gazed up at the posters attached to the canopy of his bed. He was unable to concentrate on the smiling faces of half-naked witches – or their bodies, which was even more disturbing.

The cause of his inattention was a note sitting next to him on the bed. Ever since the adventure he'd had earlier in the year with the Junior Death Eaters, he'd been pursued relentlessly. For some reason, they all thought he was the weak link in the Marauders' friendship. Even he was starting to believe it. James and Lily were engaged – set to be married within the year. Sirius seemed unconcerned with the future, and Remus was focused on continuing his education in pursuit of his dream of being a teacher. They were all going to join the Order of the Phoenix, but Peter was alone in his sense of helplessness and confusion. Everyone else seemed very sure of themselves, where they were going and what they believed in. Peter had spent the last seven years of his life believing whatever James believed. He wasn't sure he could think for himself.

True, the Death Eaters' philosophy didn't ring true with Peter, but he had never taken the time to examine his friends' viewpoint fully either.

He longed, not for the first time, to simply abandon himself to the rat and avoid the complicated problems in life. All of his friends seemed capable of handling the real world that was barreling towards them at full speed.

He would cope. He always did, with the help of his friends. His wonderful, loyal, intelligent, brave friends.

* * *

Petunia Evans smiled at herself as her hair was twisted into a complicated and ornate knot. She'd brushed on her make-up herself and lain awake all night, silently checking off her list of things to do. After the stylist was done, she slipped into her wedding gown herself and rotated slowly, gazing at herself in the mirror.

She'd lost her parents, and she'd given up her relationship with her sister, because neither one of them had been able to cope with Petunia's aversion to Lily's strange abilities.

But in three hours, she'd be able to call herself Petunia Dursley. She would never, ever, be alone again and she would be completely, blessedly _normal._

* * *

Remus saw that Peter was there in the dormitory, but his own sense of complete exhaustion and lingering nausea kept him from muttering more than necessary pleasantries. Because of the nature of the last full moon, when Prongs and Padfoot had successfully kept Moony from attacking a human, he'd been sick in the Hospital Wing for longer than he'd anticipated and hadn't had time to pack the way he'd wanted.

Unwillingly, he had taken a Pepper-Up Potion, and he waited for the fake high and the floating sensation to hit before he began to fold his robes and clothes and put his schoolbooks away for the very last time.

As he methodically rolled his socks and folded his jeans in his trunk, he let the full impact of what was happening hit him. He was leaving Hogwarts, where he'd made his first real friends, who couldn't have cared less about what he was and were more interested in _who_ he was. It was here that they'd learned to become Animagi for him. For him! Remus Lupin, a werewolf who didn't deserve real human friends, who would probably never get a real job, who had been doomed to spend the rest of his life alone.

But here he was! Seventeen, and he'd finished school. There was a war on, and surely there would be losses on both sides, but nothing could touch the Marauders. They were all so alive, young and full to the brim with knowledge and craftiness. Voldemort couldn't touch his world, Remus told himself. If the Marauders could survive full moons with Moony, they could survive anything.

* * *

Lily snapped the lid of her trunk closed with a grin on her face. She would miss Hogwarts, of course, but she was done! A sense of elation overtook her and she fought the urge to sing. She was going directly from here to her new apartment in London, although Mrs. Potter had urged her to come and stay with her and James for a couple of days. Lily longed to play house and set up her kitchen, bathroom and living room with the things she and Meg had found in Hogsmeade over the last month. James would be up as often as he could during the week they had before they all started the process of joining the Order.

She looked around the dormitory one last time. She'd grown up here. Discovered boys, read books, dreamed, spent more time thinking about boys, studied, and then discovered James. The real James, not the one that he showed to the rest of the world. Her James was kind, mature and funny. He always made her smile when she should be thinking seriously about anything other than the way that his lips felt when they touched hers or the places that his hands had wandered when they'd managed to steal a few minutes together over the last few weeks.

One last sweep of the room showed that she'd packed everything that was hers into her trunks. A wave of her wand shrunk the trunk and she walked out the door of her dormitory for the last time. Lily Evans, soon to be Potter, Grown Woman of the World.

* * *

James hadn't even started packing when he raced up the stairs. Remus and Peter were already there, quietly placing things in their trunks or sitting on their beds, each silent and contemplative. Deciding not to interrupt their thinking, James silently conducted all of his possessions into his trunk with his wand, taking care to place his Invisibility Cloak and broomstick on top so they wouldn't get damaged.

When the cloak was folded and the broomstick secured, James looked around one last time, checking under the bed and finding a pair of socks that smelled funny. With a grin, he deposited them in Sirius's trunk.

He was going home to take care of his mum for a week. Of course he'd visit Lily when he could, but he was in charge of his father's estate and there was a lot he had to accomplish with the family barrister before he felt responsible enough to go off to train with the Order.

As Remus, Sirius and Peter finished up with their trunks, by silent agreement they met over by the window and looked out over the Quidditch pitch one last time.

"Well, men. We're men!" Sirius announced, sounding less happy about that than he intended.

"We're done," James admitted and smiled. "But we'll meet again, my friends, outside of these hallowed halls."

Remus grinned. "You're both full of shite, you know that, right?"

"Moony, you rhymed!" Peter said, giggling a bit.

"In a few short months we'll be gathering again to see James bound hand and foot and permanently shackled to the woman of his dreams," Sirius said with a bounce. "The Marauders will ride again!"

"Oh, sooner than that," James said. "There's a full moon next month."

"James," Remus said warningly, "We don't have the safety measures anywhere else that we had at Hogwarts. I don't think it's a good idea…."

"Of course it's a good idea. Who was able to stop you from attacking those people the other night? We were! You're better with us than without us," Sirius said, waving a hand to dismiss Remus's concerns.

"We'd best get our stuff down and get on the train," Remus said quickly. "We wouldn't want to be stuck here another seven years."

Sirius's face grew wistful. "Oh, I don't know about that…."

* * *

Meg had the strangest suspicion that she was being watched as she got off the train at the station so she could meet her parents. Although she kept glancing over her shoulder, she only gained the faintest impression of a shadowed figure pursuing her.

She snorted, addressing herself sternly. "It's just your over-active imagination playing tricks on you. You're feeling guilty about that last night with Devon. But no more of that. The next thing on the agenda is to break the engagement and get out of the house. Then you'll be free, Meg. You'll be free."

Alastor Moody might have told her that less internal dialog and more constant vigilance would have saved her that day, but unfortunately he never got the opportunity. Meg felt a vise-like grip on her arm, and then the world spun.

The last few minutes of her life were a blissful blur. Though her captors cast the Cruciatus Curse again and again, eventually she was no longer there. When they finally grew tired of her mindless screams and her inability to respond any other way, a familiar face rose over her and cast a familiar curse.

She died in an unknown field somewhere in Britain, but her body was dumped in front of the Ministry of Magic, the words _Mudblood Lover, Pureblood Betrayer _ engraved in her chest. Her parents were convinced that the label was a tragic mistake. Surely the Death Eaters meant to grab someone else, for their precious Meg's fiancé was pureblood.

…But Devon McKinley was not.

**End Part I: With All My Love**

**To Be Continued in Part II: Sacrifice of Love **

_Author's Notes: _

I titled this fic "With All My Love", because that's how I've written it, but it wouldn't be possible to write such a massive undertaking without the support of many people. The person who deserves the most credit is my beta reader, Daily Prophet Reporting, who does an amazing job week-in and week-out to make sure that this fic appears as flawless as it possibly can.

Another person who has much more patience than I do is Kat Morning, who listens to me gripe every day about the ends and outs of this fic.

Thank you Lizzie. Without your love and support, I would never have spent as much time on Remus as I do. And he's turned out lovely… it's all your fault!

Special thanks to the Potterfic Weekly Podcasters. Y'all have been amazing in your support of me, and I appreciate the new family! All of my love goes to Ryan, Rinna, Jen, Mac, Kate and Jules!

And all of my love goes to the readers and reviewers of "With All My Love". This will be the last update for about a week and a half. I'll try and get something to y'all by the 30th of the month. It depends on the speed of my betas and my fingers.


End file.
